Am I Being Unreasonable ??? - Beverly Hills,CA

Perhaps they feel that they raised their kids and don't want to babysit. What's wrong with that?

If you need their help, ask. If you don't ask, don't expect to get anything. Just remember, you may ask, but you might not get. Sorry.

My parents don't even work and I wouldn't expect them to be calling asking to hang out with the kids. They don't know my schedule but they do know that I have a voice so if there is a break I call them. They are always happy to take them.

You are being unreasonable to expect them to call you on the off chance something isn't already planned.

So when you help others out do you just drop by their house and say I am here to help or do they call you asking for help?

If your truly worried about their relationship with your children, then why don't you just bring your children over there to visit? Don't assume they want to take them, but just go there to visit with them.

For the record: I lost my relationship with all my grandparents when I was between the ages of 6-8. By either death or drama that ensued in the family. One of my Grandma's is still alive but I hardly ever see her. Sometimes, you just can't force the issue as sad as it is. Growing up I envied all my friends who had close grandparents.

I'm afraid that you've already answered your question. It does not sound like she's a "kid person." Some people aren't. If you need some Me Time, look into swapping some babysitting time with a friend who has children (you watch mine when I need an hour or two, I'll watch yours when you need the same).

If you do actually ask her, you need to be specific. Don't just say vaguely, "could you watch the kids sometime?" Say "I really need to get out of the house and go to do *something* on Thursday. Is there any way that you could come and visit the kids from 2 until 5 so I could get this done?" It might be that you can't get a straight answer because you're not asking a straight question.

Good luck!

I help when asked.

I have tried to come over when I had time, but I was almost always told they had something going on. So now I help when asked. I go with them to activities when invited and I always invite them over for Sunday dinner. Some times they come and sometimes they don't.

That's life. It doesn't change my willingness to help. But it depends on whether they want me or not. 'Nuff said.

Good luck to you and yours.

I have a mother in law and father in law who live 25 minutes from us

My mother in law doesn't work, is 52 and in perfectly fine health. Father in law works full time. Same age, perfectly good health.

Our kids don't even get gifts like you describe!

Our in laws NEVER ask to just spend time with the kids. And our kids are wonderful, I am not just saying that. =) They have never babysat, and we have to make most of the effort to see them.

The point is this - some people are just too self absorbed to be bothered. Or, they simply have no interest in other people's kids, even if they happen to be their grandchildren. I have come to terms with this fact, and the fact that I am not going to change them. I can only control me.

I totally get your post, because I, like you, am not looking for someone to raise my kids - I just want them to have a close relationship with their grandparents. My parents aren't around, so the in laws are all they have. It saddens me, but I will accept it is what it is.

Just try your best to move past this and take what you can get. Involve other people in your children's lives. I had a "pretend" grandmother (not related but loved me just the same) when I was little and she was closer to me than my actual grandparents!

You do have to learn to let it go...I totally understand! I have grandparents that live literally blocks away from us. And they see my kids oh, once a month if I arrange in advance to meet them for lunch...now that school has started that is only one of my kids, once a month. If I arrange it...and we as moms know that a restaurant isn't always the best place for kids.

The do not babysit EVER...they are very clear on this fact. They have 15 grandchildren and have said if we do it for one we have to do it for all. However, I find out all the time that have kept "certain" grand kids for the evening and even over night...the same ones repeatedly. But not mine because I am not a single parent who is being supported by our parents and don't "need" help. But I digress...

They are just not into being grandparents...they like to go out and socialize, spend time with their adult friends, take trips and both do work full time running their own businesses (so that takes almost all their time).

I have finally realized that it is their loss. THEY are missing out of the joys of their grandchildren and leaving a legacy with them. My grandparents were wonderful and their home was my second home. My Nana taught me to sew and cook, my grandpa made me feel like a princess and took me out for a treat everyday after school.

It has taken me years to get to this point...and I still have days that it grieves my heart.

You want your in-laws to want to spend time with your kids. That's perfectly reasonable.

However, there's nothing you can do to change the in-laws. So even though your wish is perfectly reasonable, it's not going to get fulfilled. You either need to ask your in-laws to come over or just deal with the fact that your kids aren't the priority.

Updated

You want your in-laws to want to spend time with your kids. That's perfectly reasonable.

However, there's nothing you can do to change the in-laws. So even though your wish is perfectly reasonable, it's not going to get fulfilled. You either need to ask your in-laws to come over or just deal with the fact that your kids aren't the priority.

Some people, even grandparents, that aren't 'kid people'.

Maybe MIL is afraid that you are looking for a babysitter when all you want is a visit. However, she may have a different view of the type of grandmother that she wants to be, and she IS the grandmother. She isn't obligated to spend the amount and type of time with your kids as you would like her to. Not all grandparents want to be that involved. She is busy working and grandkids are not next in line in her priority list, she is apparently enjoying life as an empty nester. You might choose differently when you are the Grandma one day. It would be good for you to let go of the resentment that you say you feel, grandma isn't required to spend her free time with the kids or to be a hands on grandmother (maybe she wasn't a really hands on type of mom either?)

With my parents... my dad comes over every saturday to see the kids. Picks up who ever is here and takes them to his house for how ever long.. 1-3 hours to play with them. Well he watches tv, cleans his garage, plays the play station what ever and they play around him. Its more just being together.

My mom lives 5 mins away and will go months with out seeing them. She will drive right past to go see her sister though. She will not "stop what she is doing to come see them" even if what she is doing is nothing. The kids will call and ask if they can come see her or if she will come see them and most of the time she will make excuses. My hubby even rides to work with her every day and she wont even take 5 mins to come in and say hi... she will wave at them and that's it.

So I understand what you mean. I guess I have just excepted that... don't like it. It upsets me but there is nothing I can say or do to change it. I just hope someday that she will see what she is missing out on and will want to change it before its too late. If you need them to watch the kids or something call the day or two ahead of time and cross fingers she will do. As for the rest.. parties, games etc let them know its happening and hopefully someday you will be suprised and shows up.

Look, the thing IS (and you don't want to hear this) that they are YOUR kids and YOUR responsibility. Your post makes it pretty clear that you are looking for a babysitter, and clearly, you need to look elsewhere. MIL does not seem interested in babysitting for you.
You refer to it as "quality time" but refer to the school holidays and being with your kids ("so I was constantly busy with the kids day-in day out").
If she's not offering, she's not interested. And I'd say from her lack of clear-cut yes or no answers, she either A.) doesn't want to babysit or B.) is dumb as a fence and doesn't understand what you are asking for.

If you'd like her to watch your kids, say "Jane, can you keep the kids Tuesday from 10 a.m. til 3 p.m.?"

My in-laws are like this as well. My MIL will stop over maybe once a week for an hour or so but God forbid we ever ask her to baby-sit. Ours are 7 and 3. My FIL (in-laws are divorced) comes over maybe once a month - sometimes 2 or 3 months. He is good at birthdays and Christmas but other that, he doesn't really like to be bothered.
My parents are both already gone which makes me really said because my Mom was the best Grandma to my oldest (she didn't live long enough to meet my youngest 2). And my Dad was a great Grandpa...wish they were still around to give the in-laws a few lessons in grandparenting...lol!
I hope it gets better for you!

You're absolutely NOT unreasonable! The problem is that people like us can't really get our head around a grandparent who doesn't WANT TO spend every prossible moment with their grandchildren! Unfortunately, my kids have pretty much grown up without grandparents (my parents divorced when I was 16, no contact with my father and an "absent" mom and my in-laws live in another city and only spend 2 weeks PER YEAR with us!) When I was younger I used to feel hurt about this situation, but I've learnt from it, just as I have learnt what it meant to come from a dysfunctional family! I can happily say that my relationship with my husband (after 20 years of marriage) is stronger than ever and I'm proud of my 2 fabulous teens! We are enough for each other and it's the grandparents who are missing out! I'm looking forward to the day when I can do with MY grandkids everything that I wished my parents and in-laws would have done for my kids. Your story is more common than you may think. Learn from it and let it go. Best wishes

Some Grandparents are VERY hands-off others are VERY hands-on...yours sound like they are hands-OFF..

While time with the grandparents is important - I would NOT push it. Why? Because I wouldn't want any one to feel like they HAVE to see my kids....I know if I lived 10 minutes from my parents - they would be overjoyed...if we had lived 10 minutes from my husband's parents? They may have seen them once a month.

So while I don't think you are being unreasonable...for your In-laws - you are expecting too much. Why not invite them over for dinner once a month and work it out from there...Maybe they are expecting THEIR son to reach out to them, i don't know.

Have you sat down with them and communicated your feelings towards them and YOUR expectations???? Just trying to set up play dates might not be what they expect or want so get on the same page with them - communicate with them about what type of grandparents they want to be and what they expect....tell them what you want as well....communication is key!! I wouldn't do this alone - I would ensure their son is on the same page as me so when we spoke to them - they would not feel as if they were being chastised or ganged up on - but merely trying to get it all out there so the kids aren't disappointed and neither are you!!

GOOD LUCK!!

You cannot change your mother in law. You can only change your own attitude towards who she is. She's still working and is evidently not into spending time with her grandchildren. She's chosen to spend her off work time in other ways. It's difficult to do but you need to accept that that is who she is. Love her for being your mother in law but don't expect her to be the person you want her to be.

I sort of know how you feel on this. Some of the grand parents and aunts/uncles are that mostly in name only in our family as well. But you aren't going to change how they feel about it or get them to "see" anything. All you can do is realize that they are who they are, and it might not be the "ideal" you had in mind for your kids. So accept what your kids do have and leave it at that. Invite them for birthdays and let them have the 'face time' they are willing to give. And let the rest go. You will likely find other people along the way that WILL be interested in your family and kids. It doesn't have to be their genetic grandma who "grandmothers" them. It's a lot like those folks who don't have any family nearby... their kids are not going to be seeing grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle so & so much at all. And they deal with it... they develop other people in their lives that sort of bleed over into those roles. It just happens sometimes if you are lucky, and you don't have to actively seek it out. Just be open to folks who are "all about" kids. Like our church secretary, for example. She is a "baby lady", lol. But she didn't have any grandkids... Our pastor had 4 kids and no family on this side of the country. She became like their grandma. She'd take the little girls shoe shopping, and keep them for overnight slumber parties to give the parents a break. She'd keep them if mom needed to take one to the doctor without dragging the others along, etc. She LOVES kids. Your kids may have a "grandma" person in theirs lives at some point too...but it just may not be your mom or your husband's mom. Accept that. That is just how the genetic grandparents in your family are. You may be very willing to help others out, etc... but they maybe are not that into doing so. You can't change them. All you can change is your response/reaction to it.
Sorry to say it that way. I went through the realization that my own parents are not the grandparents I hoped my kids would have. They just aren't. And yes it was a painful revelation for me. And I mourned the ideal that died. I really did. Very painful. So it was best for me (and my kids and my husband and my parents, too) to just accept what they DO offer and forget the rest. I had my expectations set on MY ideal.... it doesn't match up with theirs and there is not a thing I can do except accept that.

Your choices are to change them or get over it. Which do you think is the more reasonable choice? Yup, get over it. Many of us deal with the same thing. You can't change people. It just doesn't work. We all have to learn to let some things go.

There are several generations here and in the scheme of things the country and family dynamics have changed. The younger mothers feel that it is an 'obligation' that the grandparents are ready and willing to jump and take the grandkids. Well not always true. They are people just like you with their own wants and needs and sometimes grands are not on the top of their list. Sorry.

Perhaps they are the youngest of the grands or the oldest depends on when they were born. Also it depends on whether or not the grands showed up when the grandparents were "ready" to be grandparents. I have an issue of wanting to enjoy them now but it does not look like they are coming. So I am enjoying the one I have and hoping that if and when the otehrs do show up I will have the time and energy to do things with them. I tell my husband I hope I don't turn into that crabby old lady that has the picket white fence that yells at all the kids for having all their balls come into the yard.

Yes we all would like to have things in the ideal world but that is not going to happen. Don't dwell on that what would and just go with the what is. Make new grands with people you know that will love your children.

The best to you.

The other S.

I think it's weird during the time when you both had off. But, I lived 10 mins away from our inlaws and about 20 mins away from my mother and only saw them maybe 3 times a month. Now that we moved 7 hours away, I feel sad we didn't pursue it more.

Do you ever call her up and say, "Hey, would you like to go out to lunch tomorrow?" Make a plan, would 1:00 at xxx be a good time, or where would you like to eat? Some people just aren't good with social things like that, it is frustrating. Some aren't as into kids as others.

You mention 2 different things, one just in-laws spending time with your kids and two helping out.

It sounds like your in-laws are busy with their own lives and obligations. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm finding that as I get older after work, all I want to do is go home and relax. I'm on the side with "they are your kids...."

As far as helping out, if you need them to help, then you need to ask specifically for what you want. "A friend is having a baby shower on Sunday, can you watch the kids from 1 to 4 at your house?"

If you are concerned for your children as in they want/need a relationship with their grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, then you should have hubby talk to his family.

Frustrating! I wouldn't ask her anymore though. If she wants to see them, she will you know?

She sounds a lot like my MIL- except my MIL doens't work and has a minimal social calendar. I've stopped asking for help b/c it simply doens't happen. If she calls and wants to come over (literally maybe 3 times a year), I always oblige. Family functions? Of course, what can we bring?

Do I go out of my way anymore? No. I used to invite my in-laws for dinner and literally have everything ready and the phone would ring. No more of that either. I've also stopped telling my son that she may come over because 50% of the time something "comes up" and she doesn't show. He gets really upset about it, so now it's just a happy "surprise" if she shows.

I understand your frustration as I have dealt with it with my mom. However after reading your note several times this is what comes thru "I want my mom in law to babysit the kids so I can have a break" those were not the words you used but those are the feelings that came thru. My suggestion to you is to invite the inlaws over for supper or lunch or whatever so they can visit with you and the kids. as a grandparent myself I can tell you I love my grandkids but don't want to visit with them all the time. If my daughter calls and says can you babysit the answer is yes or no but she doesn't' call and say you need to prioritize your time and make time for the kids. The kids are hers and just because my life is finally to the stage where there are no young children taking up my time doesn't mean I should fill it with her kids. If you need a sitter and break get one. But if what you want is your inlaws to spend time with your children invite them over without the expectation that they will babysit for you. those are two totally different things.

I hear your disappointment, but....... this is their choice. They feel differently than you do. That's why you don't understand it, but this is what they choose. I'd ask you to if not understand it, accept it. I know that's hard, but the sooner you do you will let go of this aggravation. You cannot control how they feel.

Sorry

I hate to say it, but some grandparents just dont measure up to what our expectations of them should be. Some like to see kids 1x a year others daily--so it all depends on how they feel about it. My suggestion would be to have a heart to heart with them and say how you feel. Ask for what you need/want. Say I would love it if you could come over on friday and have dinner with us--______and )_____ would love to see you. Would that work for you?? Please let me know by thurs so I can plan. Thanks. IF you don't ask, and give specifics of when you need to know etc--she will string you along. Be direct and clear on expectations and ask for what you need. Maybe she has no idea that you want her more involved? You never know...she could be thinking-she doesn't want to intrude and be nosy in your lives--so set the record straight and see if she is willing to work with you on it. GL

M

I moved away from my family in NY about 6 / 7 years ago and to Lancaster where my husbands family lives. My in laws are busy people. I had to lower my expectations so I wouldn't be disappointed. It was very hard when I REALLY needed the help, but I spent less time being upset and frustrated. Not everyone is blessed with grandparents that love to jump into your crazy kid world! So when they offer... it is a welcome surprise! Good Luck, I feel for you!

It is too bad, but it also does not make your in-laws bad people. I definitely think you should invite them over, and not just to babysit. Have them over for dinner, or see if they want to go on a family walk, or go to the zoo. I love my nephews, but really, the last thing I want to do is babysit them. But I would love to visit with them when their parents are around to change their diapers or handle it if they act up. I don't mind helping also when we are all hanging out. I am more than happy to hold a baby or comfort a tired kid, as long as mom or dad is there to take over if needed. I feel like my bonding time with my nephews is also better that way because I am not stressed out, and I am a lot friendlier. I have 3 kids and I am a good mom, but I am not really a "kid" person and watching other people's kids stresses me out; maybe your in-laws are like that. I know my MIL is.
Also remember you can make your own family. We have very good family friends who are closer to my kids than their blood aunts and uncles, and we are very lucky to have these wonderful people in our lives. If you ask and ask your parents in law to come visit/if you can visit them, and keep getting the brush off, then forge new relationships. :)

There are some grandparents who do not like being "grandparents". They are the type that think in their mind, "been there, done that". They want to live their lives without the obligations of checking in with the children/grandchildren. Selfish? Yes, but it's their life.

Obviously your MIL feels this way. Let it go. Cherish the few times she does see them and make the most of it for your kids. They'll figure out which grandparents/family members they have the better relationships with over time and see through the facade of the ones who just "show up" to family events. It is sad that your MIL can't take a couple hours a month to make time for your kids, but accept the fact that she won't and move on and build stronger relationships with the family members that do. Good luck!

My MIL & FIL lives 1 hour away. We have 3 kids other than our kids she has a new grandbaby that is 2 weeks old but lives 16 hours away. She doesn't work but has a big social life. Due to her religion she does not celebrate any holidays or birthdays. She sees our kids about once every 3 months. My husband has asked her to visit the grandkids more often but she still chooses not too. We choose not to let it bother us because we cannot control what she does, when she does it or how often she does it.

But your post does sound more like you want her help for yourself more than you just simply would like her to visit with her grandkids more often & on that note I also will say 'get over it'. She doesn't want to help you out even when you do 'ask', so get a baby sitter.

Lots of grandparents are like this. As a friend's MIL said apparently "I raised my kids. I'm done." She won't help her own daughter! I'm afraid you do have to just get over it as your MIL must not like spending time with little kids that much. That's her right!! And you're not her daughter. My mom told me not to expect much from my MIL bc it tends to be different with DIL's. Some people get very lucky and their MIL's help all the time. But that's not the rule. That's good luck. Your mom had 2 weeks off from work. That's her time. Unless she was begging you guys to have kids, you being busy is not her problem. I know this can be annoying but what I find helps is to say you're not going out of your way for her either. She doesn't want to help you - then fine, don't help her when she needs it. We don't live near my MIL but she says how she wants to see her grandkids so we spend all this money to go see her and then she doesn't do anything with them! In our case, we spend our money and time. So I'm going to very much limit how much we go and if/when she needs help, I won't bend over backwards. In your case, it'd be more of a one-way street of your MIL spending her time. People with great MIL's are lucky and I don't have much respect for lazy MIL's but same time, grandkids aren't their responsibility.

Unfortunately your MIL is missing out and doesn't see it. I have 4 grandchildren and yes a lot of the time I want me time; I raised my kids and enjoyed it but now it's time for me. BUT.... I also love spending time with my grandchildren. The occasionally spend the night and I am often the emergency babysitter if the kids get sick and can't go to daycare or school and the parents have to work. But I have told my kids "Don't depend on me to be your daycare".

I would recommend that you talk to your in-laws and tell them how you feel. Explain to them that you don't expect them to be your daycare or babysitter all the time but that you want your kids to know them as people. Grandparents have such wonderful stories to tell the kids about the 'olden times'. I remember my grandmother telling me about going in the horse and buggy during the winter and having to have bricks (kept in the oven overnight) to keep their feet warm--and horse hide blankets. And it was an all day trip and they only went to Oshkosh 20 miles away.

I understand your resentment. However they are not going to change just be glad you have them in your life.
When my children were younger ....especially my oldest child. I tried every week to visit my in laws. From the time he was about 6 mo old. My mil would constantly cancel on me. She would cancel on me the morning I was supposed to visit or the night before. It did hurt my feelings. Then she would tell me husband she never saw the kids?? HUH. I was perpexled by this. However I know both my in laws have always loved my kids. Its not the way my side of the has always interacted with my kids. My parents both work full time and live 75 mi. My parents are a constant part of my kids life. Oh well. I tried I don't understand it. Its a shame..now my in laws are so sick and close to dying. My kids and I have been visiting on a regular basis at the assited living but they honestly do NOT have a deep relationship with my in laws. I hoped they would. My in laws just didnt have it in them. Your in laws are missing out. Its a shame. Just except them on what they are willing to do. Its a shame but you cant change them ...but hope for the best and stay positve and kind towards them.

Don't force the issue. I know its hard and it can cause issues between you and your spouse. It will only cause for resentment and awkwardness if you force the relationship.

Enjoy and appreciate all the people, friends, family, caregivers that DO want to be a part of your child's life and love your children. It is your MIL's loss on missing out and your beautiful children.

My husband's mother and multiple siblings who all have children live within 30-60 minutes away. Before we had our child we would intiate going to their kids games, birthdays, bbq, etc. But, now that we have a beautiful 3 year old. They NEVER call, they NEVER ask to see the child, they basically don't seem to care about creating a relationship with her. If we want to see them or establish any relationship with our child's grandmother or uncles, aunts, cousins, we have to call them. Its sad. But, for the sake of my daughter and marriage, i had to make the decision to focus on the positive, and decide its their loss not mine or my daughters!

On the other hand, my siblings and their children live on the other side of the country. We see them only 2-3 times a year. But, they LOVE our child. When the cousins do get together its beautiful. They call, the kids talk on the phone, send them paintings, etc. The adults call each other and check in on the kids activities and truly care.

So, i can choose to either focus on my in-laws loss, or daughter's happiness with the relationships she does have. Not just with the grandparents who live 10 minutes away or the cousins that live a 4 hour flight away, but also with our friends, her nanny, etc. I hope you can reach the point of acceptance and focus on the positive that is in your child's life.

I'm with Retta, and while I've "let it go," it still grieves me, especially since I had the most amazing grandmother and great-grandmother anyone could ever dream of (and quite frankly, my personality IS that of my grandmother, which is perhaps why this is so hurtful to me). Our kids have 3 sets of non-grandparents; they are not close to any of them. Family birthdays, Christmas, and Easter. That's it. Their loss.

Are they the younger of the grandchildren??
My Inlaws spent all the time in the world with their grandchildren when I 1st meet them. We had our chidren late in life (because it would not happen) and now they are just not as interested in our kiddos as they were the older grandchildren. I think they love them. They just don't spend the kind of time with ours as they did my sister in laws kiddos.

Why do you feel a void if they're not genuinely involved? Their absence seems to impact you more than the children. Personally, I wouldn't force or expect anyone to assert themselves out of guilt.

Same here with my inlaws, we learned to live with it....if God lets me be a grandma one day.....my kids will have to kick me out:)

I've watched this dynamic with my mom and sister-in-law. They live down the street from each other. My sister-in-law says: my mom rarely spends time with her kids; she always has to ask my mom for visits; and my mom doesn't make an effort to visit with her kids. My mom says: she tries to stop by their house, but the curtains are always drawn (SIL has told everyone not to knock when curtains are drawn because the kids are napping or she's nursing, and the dogs will bark) so she stopped trying; she schedules visits in advance, but SIL cancels at the last minute because kids are out-of-sorts, so now she waits for SIL to schedule visits; she tries to call to invite kids over or see if she can stop by, but SIL never answers the phone, and if she returns a message it's days later (SIL admits she keeps phone ringers off and doesn't check them often), so she stopped calling. This may not be your situation, but please examine your part in this too.

I do not read this as you looking for a baby sitter by the way. I can relate, I have in-laws who live out of town and we have to literally beg them to spend Christmas with us every other year. We try to video chat with them, call them with the kids on the phone to say 'Hi'- they literally ignore my husbands calls. It makes me sad, for my husband especially, that they can't find it in themselves to express interest in their grandkids lives. But you know what? That's their choice. They are the ones missing out and we have to move forward assuming they will not change. I agree with you 100% that I can't comprehend my children and my children's children not being an integral -daily- part of my life. I choose to focus on the people and family we've made for ourselves, who love our children, and who clearly have the same values as me. I'm sorry to hear it- but don't waste your energy and heart on people who are unable to reciprocate.

Well a year and a halfr ago I couldn't relate to you since my inlaws were so far up my kids butts it was insane. Then all of a sudden it's like they are too busy. My F"IL plays in a band and it's booked pretty much every FRi and Sat night so they quit taking the boys wich is fine. I don't need them to sleep somewhere else but they don't even stop by to visit unless they have to. They hardly know my 17 month old and get hurt when he doesn't want to go to them or goes to my parents over them(at football games and bday parties). They buy them gifts and bought all schhool clothes and will make a big deal about taking them somewhere once every 6 months or so, but are not really involved. My kids miss them and my baby doesn't know them. It bugs me also. I don't have any advice but I just want to let you know I can kinda see how you feel,my inlaws live about 15 minutes from us. They are slowly not knowing my older boys and it drives me crazy because they think they do . Hang in there. It's your inlaws loss.

my in-laws are the same way--they USED to watch my son for me all the time and pleaded to have him come visit. Then I had another baby and they never ask and are always too busy to see them or us. I think they're just enjoying their empty nest and have already "done their time" raising kids. I can honestly say I might be the same way when my kids have kids haha
kids are hard and exhausting, i'm guilty of looking forward to the day when I can come and go as i please again without having kids hanging from my pant leg--can't blame my mother in law for feeling the same way!