Grandma-sitting Woes

Keep it up, it is important for a baby to learn to be around others especially those loving ones like grandma's. I learned the hard way...my baby girl is now 6 1/2 months and she wants to be with me and only me. Because of my greediness and being an over protective mom I can't get her to stay with her grandma or hardly with her own daddy

that feeling will go away in time and you will soon begin to enjoy "you time" I'd give anything to have some time like that. Sounds like you did fine though. So how is the update?? has it got any easier for you??

L

DO NOT feel bad! Just like you said, you and your hubby need your own "alone" time. Your daughter will be fine and will not be scarred because you left her for 1 night. Hell, my husband and I went to Las Vegas for 3 days when my daughter was 3 months old (for our anniversary.) She is a happy and healthy almost 5 year old. You are not a failure and don't let anyone make you feel that way!

The first time baby is away from mommy is VERY HARD!!! i understand. but 2 or 3 nights a month is healthy. it gives you a chance to have some "you time", and it teaches the baby that mommy has to go away sometimes, but always comes back. (especially important if you plan on going to work) I know you feel guilty for leaving her, because you feel it is your responsibility to take care of her all the time. but a break once in a while is completely ok. And yes these feelings will change. The "new" hasnt wore off yet. By the time your little girl can crawl you will be well ready for a small break. It gets easier, just stay strong.

Hi again J.! I think it's normal as a first time mom to feel the way you feel about this. I do not think that 4 months old is too young for you to leave H with your MOTHER. I wouldn't leave my 4mo. old with anyone else other than either my mom, or my husbands mom~especially overnight, but I'm sure your mom's confident in what to do and if H seems relaxed around her and familiar enough with her that she doesn't cry when you leave the room, I think it's perfectly healthy. I think you should do what YOU feel comfortable with. She's not going to be neglected or feel abandoned later in life because she wasn't with you EVERY night of her life.

Don't worry about your little girl not spending every night with you. Just think of it this way if you and your husband are happy and relaxed it will make for a happy little girl. My brother always told me if #1 was tired and depressed than #2 would be too. So be happy and grateful for your mom. When I leave my chilren for a night with my mother I take her Sea Island or another one of her favorite meal and the children's favortive toys. Your daughter will have a bond with your mom and it will be a special bond.
When me husband and I got married we had a 3y/o son and we went on a cruise for 7 nights and 8 days I cried for the two days. That was 5 years ago. This pass summer we went on another cruise and we left our three children 8y/o boy, and 1 and 2 y/o girls, boy was it hard but my mil told me something if the kids are happy and don't miss you don't worry that just means they are in good hands and are well taken care of. Believe me when we came back they forget us not our son but the girls didn't want anything to do with us. Keep in mind our son stayed with my mom and the girls with my mil.
It is hard leaving your children. You know at times I felt like a loser too because I just get to tired and ask my mom too take all of them but you know if you can't count on your mom then who can you count on. She knows what it's like being a mommy.
The feeling never goes away but you grow up and know in your heart that it's good for you, your husband, your mother, and above all your daughter.
Take care and good luck,
L.

My grandmother, and great-grandmother were the best women in the world to grow up with, and it hurts me that my daughter never got a chance to get to know them. Grandmother's are truely a gift from Heaven!! My mother on the other had is something else. Similar to what Lynn went through, my mother tried. I would allow my daughter to go visit my mother for weeks and months at a time since she was a year old. This past summer, my mother traveled here and toke my daughter for a visit. A few days later, my mother called me to tell me she was not bringing my daughter home. She told my daughter lies about me, her real father, and the man she calls daddy. My daughter was told that I "sent" her to live with my mother because I did not have the money to take care of her, that I did not want to take care of her. She was told that her father is not her real father and that is why he does not see her (He's stationed overseas and has been for many years.) My mother told my daughter that my ex-husband, whom she has called daddy since she was 3, wanted nothing to do with her since he was about to have a baby of his own (he does not have any children, nor a girlfriend). She told me daughter that since I gave her chores, I was making her my slave. My mother told her that she could say anything to me that she wanted too and there was nothing I could do or else CPS would take her from me and give her to my mother. When I told my mother and daughter that I would be traveling there to bring my daughter home, I was told that CPS would be called on me for beating my children. I contacted the police in her area and was told that I could not "traspass" on my mother's property to get my daughter. However, the police could bring my daughter to me at the police station and my mother could not accompany her. My mother decided to pull her head out of you know where and I went to get my daughter. Since then, I allow very little communication between the two of them. When they do speak, it is on speaker phone with me right there. I pray that you do not got through anything like this. Just keep in mind, that this woman gave birth to me and did not hesitate to lie to my daughter about me and try to take her from me.

WOW! I remember how hard it was for me to leave my little one the first time. I do have to encourage you to nurture that special grandparent relationship. The more who love your baby the better. We have one set of grandparents who are too busy to spend much time with our children (they happen to be mine). They work a lot and are always too worn out. My husband's Mom, on the other hand, has always asked for the children to sleep over since they were really young and spoils them with love and attention the whole time they are there. It's wonderful. I really can tell the difference between the relationship/bond they have with my husband's Mom compared to mine.
You are not neglecting your baby by dropping her off for the night- you're giving yourself (and your hubby :) time to reconnect and recharge so you can be the best parents on the other six nights that you have her. You are also leaving her with the best possible person too- your own Mom who loves her. It's not like you are getting a sitter for your little baby- your Mom is giving you a break and loving on her new little granddaughter. So remember you're NOT a LOSER...you're LUCKY. :) 16 week olds wake up a lot. I would order pizza, rent a movie, have sex and GET A FULL NIGHT of rest. lol.

Hi J...

Sorry for the slow reply but my newborn has spent (2) 1 week visits with grandma already and that was because my 2nd son was running a fever for 6 days straight and per the doctors advice since my newborn was premature not to have him around sick people, plus my mom is my babysitter anyways. My two oldest children have developed just fine and my mom offers/asks to bring them over to spend a night or two anyways when she is not at my house. I spent the summers at relatives while my mom worked and I turned out just fine. I believe it helps children become accustom to others as long as they treat the children right.

Do what feels right for you...
D.

J.-
I am answering as a grandma...most of us love taking care of our grandchildren. I think as long as it doesn't become a ritual it is ok. Grandma and Grandpa also need time to reconnect. I know that as grandparents we both still work long and hard and we enjoy time with the grandkids. But we like to offer help when we have the time not just be expected to do it because we are the grandparents.
When I watch my grandson...yes, it tires me out. He wakes up a few times a night. (He is only 2 months old) But I try to remember how hard it was when I was young and had a child. Any help was appreciated. I do it for my daughter so she can have 1 good night sleep or to go out and have a little fun then come back to their beautiful baby. If she gets 8 hours of sleep once every 2 weeks then she can be a better well rested mother. I see no harm in that.
If your mom is willing to watch her then great. But don't make it that the only time you and your husband have fun is without the baby because at some point it will be just the 3 of you. You have to learn catch some time with him when you can.
Good luck!

im going to tell you a grandmas point of view, i think it is great if you want to spend time with hubby, and i love taing care of the granbaby while they go to the movies or out to eat she has a cell and she text me all th etime to make shire the baby is doing good, if you dont want to spend all night its fine but a couple of "grown-up" hours is fine.dont worry it will be ok .

I totally agree with the other posts. DON'T FEEL BAD. You need a good night's rest at least once a week. You also have to think the hormones in your body are still out of whack and that might be another reason you might be feeling like this. Time with your hubby is important just think...he might feel neglected because now he's not the center, your baby girl is. He needs attention too and you need a good night's rest and you need ADULT conversations.
I did feel like this but I would feel better when I would go and pick my son up. I felt rested and refreshed cuz I could shower and take my time and not worry about being too loud or not being able to hear the baby cry..RELAX. I hope this makes you feel better. OH and your NOT A FAILURE!!!

Leaving little one with grandma for one night or two a month is ok. but i don't recommend anymore than that.
I used to be close with my mother & father and when my little girl was 1 yr old my mom came down with cancer and we didn't know how long she was going to live. my husband was in the Air Force at the time and we lived 8 hrs away and money was really tight so we only got to go hom once a month if that. my mom begged to keep our little girl for a couple weeks to help her have a reason to fight the cancer and to get to know my little girl and so my little girl would get to know grandma and have plenty of pictures and home movies with grandma in case grandma would pass on. so we worked it out to where they could keep her for 2 weeks at a time and everything seemed to be going fine and we were still a close loving family. but when my mom found out she was in remission that is when the trouble started. she started telling every one in the family and the neighbors that we didn't want our little girl and that is why we always left her there. i was so hurt and crushed by that. my mothers lies went on for years and that's why i never left either of my kids with her again, but on a visit home my mother found time to convince my daughter now 14 that mommy and daddy didn't want her and didn't love her and that's why she spent so much time at grandma's when she was littler. my mother then took my daughter and got a lawyer and because of a 100 yr law on the books and because my daughter was 14 now she could choose who she wanted to live with. of course she chose grandma because grandma never said no and always gave her exactly what she wanted when she wanted and done everything for her. because of my parents health issues my husband and i figured why fight it and have it on our conscience that one or both of them died of a heart attack or soemthing because we drug them through court to get our daughter back, we really thought that after a full 6 months together they would be tired of each other and she would come home. it's been 6 yrs and she's still not home. we regret deeply for not going to court. but I thank GOD every day now for at least i can talk to my daughter on the phone every day now.
just because you are close to your parents or in laws does not mean they will not stab you in the back. not to mention how mentally confused my daughter is because of the lies my mother has fed her for most of her life.

Wow, I'm going to totally disagree with the others. IMO, 4mos old is way too young to be leaving a baby overnight - especially if mom feels bad about it. You feel guilty? Then, don't do it.

Sure, you and your hubby need time together. So, drop baby off with gma and go on a date and then spend the night at gma's with baby. Or drive back home. Or hire a babysitter for 2 hours. Or have a candlelight dinner after she goes to bed. I don't see why any couple NEEDS an entire night away every single week.

My dh and I just had our first babysitter for our baby who is almost a year old. Up until then we've managed to have romance, sex, and time together, despite not being able to leave the baby for the night.

Go for it J., having grandparents around is a blessing...its something I wish my kids had. As long as she cares for her the way you ask her to, I say let her go and you and hubby can have fun together...maybe even making more babies. HA HA!

I am going to agree with Kelly W with this one. I do think she is too young to leave over night. It seems since grandma lives out of town, that is the most sensible thing to do, but I would have grandma come over for a few hours, and she can spend the night with you. Once your baby gets a little older, she will go through a phase where all she wants is mamma, or daddy. Then when she starts getting into ages two and up, especially when she is talking, she will be begging to stay the night with grandma. J., every situation is different, and you do whatever is comfortable for you!!