Grad $ When Parents Send Announcement?

Sorry but that has to be the lamest reason to not give a gift. I had the computer address my announcements a couple years ago because my handwriting is out there, does that mean I didn't earn the masters I was announcing?

You say it's "not the daughter's fault" but you are considering penalizing her anyway? This all sounds very judgmental and as if you have as little faith in this girl as her mother does.

I don't know that I've received h.s. grad announcements NOT done by the parents.....and I wouldn't let that detail influence my decision to send a card/gift in any way!

Sorry--not seeing how addressing some envelopes is "handling what the world dishes out" I guess!

I can't imagine overanalyzing a graduation announcement like this. I don't think I've ever even given a second thought to who wrote what. I write a check, put it in a nice card, write a note and send it on its way.

Yes, you are being very petty.

Sorry, but you're being very petty. (You did ask!) What you should be upset about is if the mother writes the thank you note.

Quite frankly, nowadays, a lot of the grad announcements are sent to extended family and friends of the parents who have watched FROM AFAR the growth of the children. It's the parents who have talked for years in Christmas cards and phone calls about their kids. We all support each other's parenthood and recognize important days like this. A lot of times, the people who we include in our list are people our kids wouldn't even recognize. And yes, I sent out his graduation cards for him. I'm the one with all the addresses. I chose my son's card by crafting it myself, with pictures of him as a baby, toddler, younger kid in sports, older kid, and graduation picture on the front, and invitation inside, along with the school logo and colors. I had it made at the local printing press company, and ordered matching thank you notes. I felt that this was more creative than just picking one out of a book. And my son knew that this was part of my gift to him, putting love and care into what I chose for him. That wasn't laziness on his part, or me "doing everything for him".

For every congratulatory card that came from someone my son didn't remember, I pulled out the picture albums and showed him pictures. I put together a memory album for him for his grad present, and within it, I put all his cards and a picture of each person (with him with them, if possible) beside the card. He loved that.

And yes, he wrote every thank you as soon as he got the card. (Much better than having to write gobs of them at one time!) First, he typed what he wanted to say, and included the name of the college he was going to, since everyone would want to know that. He also told them what he remembered about them, or what his mom told him about them. The things he wrote were very sweet, and I had so many people tell me how much they appreciated his thoughts. After he got the thank you written the way he wanted it, he copied BY HAND the type-written computer note onto his thank you card stationery, so what the person received was hand-written. Typing it first made it much easier for him, and he didn't make as many mistakes on the actual card.

Perhaps this kid will go to college. Maybe she will go out and find a job. Not everyone goes off to college. No matter which one she does, that doesn't mean that high school graduation isn't important. It is a major milestone in her life, and one that should be celebrated and rewarded. Just because you don't like how her mother has raised her doesn't mean the girl doesn't deserve any credit for graduating.

Look, my kid is off to college now and he is really very independent. He had never been independent before. (Good Lord, he's a BOY!) Just because I helped him when he lived at home doesn't mean that I was a bad mom for doing it. It takes some kids longer than others to grow up. I don't know if you have older kids or not, but try not to make judgments of other moms until your kids are out of the house. You never know how things will work out for you and your kids.

I agree with the mom who says that you are penalizing the girl. When it's your child's turn, you should remember this when your daughter fails to get cards from people you hope will remember your child.

Dawn

Krista:

You are being petty. You cannot control others, only yourself. Your cousin chose to raise her daughter different from what you would've chosen...most likely she's an entitled child even though she's an adult now..as long as momma keeps cleaning up after her - she won't know how to care for herself.

With that being said - you cannot hold this against the girl - you not sending her a gift for graduating is holding her mother's mistake against her and punishing her. Not helping anything that way.

You are being petty. How do you know for sure that the daughter was not part of addressing and mailing them? and does that really make a difference? Maybe the child is still busy concentrating on graduation? Just because you did all the work on yours does not mean that is the way it is supposed to be done. And announcments today are ALOT different than before. It is very simple to create them and send them. Dont use that as a reason not to give a gift.

You are being petty. Most parents order, address and send out the announcements - they are making the announcement. Just b/c you did, doesn't mean that is what everyone else should do. Placing expectations like that on people will only bring disappointment to you - such as this :)

UPDATE: Why the hell did you ask if you were going to ignore the responses? Your brother, what does he have to do with any of this? Just keep spinning your words to fit your needs. But don't ask if your being petty if you are going to snub the response and say you're not! SO INCREDIBLY IMMATURE!

We have a large extended family and have had several kids graduate HS. I don't think any of the kids ordered or sent their own announcements. After all, it's the parents "announcing" the accomplishment of their child.

I'm not sure why this is an issue for you, a gift should be given out a true desire to give, not obligation or judgement on the recipient's motivation or character. If you don't want to send her a gift, then don't. But yes, your reasoning does sound petty. For someone you don't see or talk to often you're making a lot of assumptions :(

No, this isn't a reason not to send a gift. Sending announcements may have been mom's idea. Daughter may not care. If the parent made this decision and is the one pretty much asking for gifts, and the daughter isn't interested, I don't see where daughter needs to be involved. Yes, this would be a petty reason to ignore the announcement. It's the family's decision as to who addresses the announcements and I can't imagine putting that much thought into who did the addressing or fantasizing about who ordered and assembled, or tying this to the young woman's behavior or motivation or independence. Daughter may think these announcements are tacky or old fashioned or whatever. For all you know, the mom and daughter may have sat side by side, addressing them as a joint project together, and you happened to get one that mom did rather than one that the graduate did. Now, if mom ends up being the one to write and send the thank you notes, that I would have a problem with!

My personal opinion is that regardless of how you feel about her, you should send a congratuations card. I feel like sending money is optional and can be reserved for close family and friends who are active in the child's life. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules, but I think it is polite to send a card congratulating her on this accomplishment. I think you may end up feeling bad if you ignore the accouncement. Looking back, a thoughtful card would mean more to me than money for graduation. Someone who just acknowledged even one thing I had accomplished. I think thoughtfulness is sometimes overshadowed by how easy it is to just send money without thought. Good luck!

With my boys' graduations there was no choosing of announcements. The school sent home a form and we ordered (and paid dearly for) the number we needed.

I sat at the table with each of them, they assembled (card with name in annuoncement, announcement in inner envelope, inner envelope addressed, inner envelope in outer envelope, outer enveope addressed, return addressed, stamped). It was quite an ordeal. We enjoyed doing it together. I'm sure many had my handwriting, many had his. The young graduate you're dealing with was likely part of the operation.

Sending to long time friends is very common with high school graduation. I wouldn't feel badly about that. For parents it is often a time to announce to the world "can you believe how old my sweet baby is?"

Regarding a gift, send what you will feel good about: Nothing; a card; a card with a personal note; a card with a check or gift card; a small gift. Don't feel pressured to send what you don't feel right about. I saw another hint in the newspaper I'll pass along here, too. If you aren't confident in how the young graduate will spend money and don't want to donate to their unwise choices, send a gift card to a store you'd feel good about them purchasing from.

Don't risk hurting the relationship with your cousin.

Its the parents announcing the accomplishment of their child. I think its tacky if the child sends the announcement. It makes it sound like even the parents didnt care to send it. Even when you get married its usually the brides parents announcing the marriage of their daughter. (Altho we usually do address the envelopes ourselves, as brides-to-be, or help M. get them done.)I dont think its appropriate for a woman to send her own baby shower invites either. This is all stuff that friends and family should do for you. It just makes you look greedy and begging for gifts when you send them yourself. I can see the young person sitting and stuffing envelopes, but the parent should be the one addressing and sending. Maybe this bothers you so much because no one did it for you and you are jealous.

I would send a gift and wish her the best. You are right, she should be able to do this on her own. However, you don't know what all she has going on in her life right now. Senior year is very busy with AP exams, getting transcripts prepared for next year and all the final high school goodbyes. I'm sure when my daughter graduates next year, she will do most of the work choosing and designing her announcements, but when it comes to addressing for family members, that will fall on my shoulders. Thank you notes will be 100% her responsibility, and will not allow a check to be cashed until a note is written, addressed, stamped and mailed. Good luck, I hope you are not let down!

I just read over the answers..

Our daughter is graduation from College in a few weeks.
We inserted a small card that says.. "We would like to share in our joy of Sarah's Graduation. We request no gifts." So to all of you that feel put out sending money, be sure to remember and send a card saying she does not need a gift.

Always give from the heart, not by obligation.

Card saying congratulations is just fine.

You can if you want include a $25. gift card or or check.

Our daughter did not address her HS or now her College announcements, because she is one of those kids that is taking so many course and has so many projects and Senior events due at this point.

Plus it always take me forever to gather all of the updated addresses etc..
I did not want her stressed out. Emails are so much easier.. hee, hee..

I honestly think most are done by parents for this reason.
Wait till your children get to this point.. It is crazy their last Senior semester..

It's possible that they had an 'assembly line' going and Mom wrote the addresses as part of that. For mine, I wrote some and my Mom wrote some...

If you don't want to send a gift or money, don't. You don't live in town anymore, so it's not like you'll run into them at the store and be asked about it.

There is no requirement for sending money to HS grads.
Send a nice congratulations card with a hand written note and be done with it.
It may be time for the new graduate to learn that not everyone is going to reward her with mone

Little confused. My daughter graduates this year. I did her announcements and mailed them out. Included with her graduation announcement, there was an invitation to her party that I am throwing for her. Being that I am throwing her the party, I would be the one addressing them and mailing them. I don't think there is anything wrong with the parent's doing that part. Now, the thank you cards are all on her. She will need to write a little note to anyone who attended her party or sent something in the mail. The envelopes of the announcements are the only thing that is usally "hand-written". The thank you cards are the "personal" part.

I can't remember who ordered or assembled the graduation announcements when I was 18. I guess someone did, maybe it was me. I remember having a party and getting presents then. I don't remember what I got in the mail. I do remember my parents insisting that I personally thank everyone and I probably sent thank you cards. After high school and college graduations, a wedding, and three births, I can't remember what I did back when. I don't think all kids mail their own announcements. Some parents do it as bragging rights. Send her a card, with or without a check. But don't blame who sent the announcement for whether or not you choose to send a check. BTW- I didn't always get money in the card for graduation. Sometimes it was just a card, sometimes I got a savings bond, and sometimes something different altogether. I did not expect a gift with a card.

You're being petty. I did all of the grad announcements for both of my daughters. Honestly, they were WAY too busy to get them done. Between school, extra curriculars, college prep and all of their testing, auditions for colleges, (one of them is a BFA major so she not only had to be accepted into the college, but had to audition and get accepted into the art program), and their part time jobs trying to save money for college, they had no time. Plus, all of the extra time they had was spent doing things like volunteering, (a requirement for most scholarships ow), and applying for scholarships, (very time consuming too). I say be thrilled that you recieved one since they are VERY expensive, and who really cares who sent it? The kids parents are announcing her accomplishment anyway, as it should be in my opinion. Maybe years ago when things weren't so time consuming as far as scholarships and the kids didn't have all of the time commitments it was easier for them to do this task themselves. I really don't see the issue. If you would send a card and a check anyway, I say just do it. :)
By the way, you use the example that parents PAY for a wedding.... well just to let you know, a lot of parents pay for their kids college as well. I am. I paid for all of the senior expenses that she couldn't afford on her own since she was only working part time and was in all AP classes, (my last to graduate anyway), and I am paying for a lot of her college expenses too. (both of our daughters who are in college actually) So, I don't really "get" your comparison. Hmmm..............

That totally depends on you and what you can live with.
Obviously you think your cousins daughter is not worth congratulating otherwise you wouldnt be having second thoughts on who wrote out the announcement.
Maybe send a check for 10 bucks with a note that reads "I would have sent you more if you would have filled out your announcement yourself, just sayin' "
Most likely, even if you do decide to send her something, you won't be receiving a "thank you" note either.

I remember picking my announcements out, getting cards in the mail with money or checks, but never saw a single announcement. Nor did any of my friends.

If it were left up to the kids no one would ever get a gift for graduation since it's the moms that do all the work. I think it's a mom thing. It's really nice for them to do it for the kids too. They don't need to be taught at 18 "Hey, if you send this aunt or this cousin a card you'll get money out of them".

I'm not sure what I would do on that one. It sounds like you don't have much faith in the girl. How do you know she is not motivated or driven if you don't know her? I also don't have a big issue with mom helping because graduation is a big deal and mom's do get wrapped up in the event. I agree that most of the work should be done by the student.

I hate graduation announcements (invoices) from people I hardly know. last year I got 2 for children of cousins I had not seen or had contact with in over 20 yrs. I had recently been reaquainted with the cousins on Facebook. Thank you FB!

For these cousins, I sent a $25 check and I never heard a word afterwards, no thank you, no nothing.

My nephew graduated last year as well. I sent him $500 because we do have a relationship with them, although it is long distance. He is a motivated, go getter and will be something type of kid and I knew he would appreciate the $ and as always, I had a thank you from him within the week.

When my daughter graduates next year, I am torn. I do not want her to send invoices out. We may order very few announcements and only send to immediate familly. She will be the one addressing them, etc as well.

Whatever you choose, I would not hold my breath waiting on a thank you note either.

If you feel like sending a card and check...do so..if you are not feeling don't do anything. It is irrelevant who sent the announcement.

I would base the choice to send a check on whether or not I felt the girl needed the help, rather than how close I am to the mother or who sent the announcement. If her family won't be able to pay for much of her college costs, I would send a check because whether the girl is motivated or not, in helping the girl I would be helping her mother. If she doesn't need the money, just say congrats.

Hi, Krista:

Your assessment is one of the things that
is guiding you in the gift you wish to
send her.
As I suggested in another post, frame her
announcement with a small picture and
let it be a keep sake to go along with her
framed diploma.

From your assessment, it seems she'll spend the
money and forget about the meaning in years to come.
Just my thoughts.
D.

My 17 year old daughter did them all herself bur it was such a small group! Immediate family, a couple cousins and life long friends (not everybody she knew on the planet).

I would send the full amount (or close) and spend some time with her explaining what is appropriate and what is not.