I typically stay in the background when I volunteer for things, or if I help someone, I don't really talk about it or feel a need to broadcast it. I feel awkward telling my good deeds, because it feels like I'm only mentioning it to make myself look like a saint or something. And I feel like it takes away from the real essence of giving.
But that's probably just me.
I remember a friend mentioned that she was helping throw a baby shower, but her name was left off the invite where it listed the 'hosted by' and she said 'Now I'm not even getting credit for it.' This was a new idea to me, because I didn't know people do good deeds for others and expect the 'credit'. If credit comes naturally, that's different. But only doing good deeds for credit? New to me.
And recently, there was someone that is having health issues and they were getting treatments. This person/patient has a blog to keep everyone updated of the health issues, etc. People can add comments to the patient's blog which typically are words of encouragement "Praying for you.", "Hoping you feel better soon.", "You are in my thoughts". etc.....
One of the acquaintances babysat this persons children during the time of the treatments. On the public blog, one acquiantance that did the babysitting commented on how they liked being around the children (the 'patient's' children) for the day. Then a family member of this same acquintance also helped babysit, and wrote another comment about how they had the children with them and even talked about where they took the children and how excited the children got.
It seemed to me like they wanted everyone to be aware of their good deed of babysitting for the kids. Maybe I'm seeing it wrong?
I can see this being a conversation/individual personal email between the patient and acquiantance that babysat, but to write about it on the public blog just seems strange to me.
I guess if I had made and took the family a meal, I wouldn't write on the public blog how I enjoyed standing in my kitchen and preparing a meal for them. I think if I did write that, I would be saying 'look at me and what I did for this person!!'
Thanks for sharing how humble you are.
(Okay, I'm off this site for the night because i'm clearly feeling snarky. )
ok so the people who babysat simply commented that they had a great time with the kids at where ever. That's NOT "bragging" about their good deed. That's letting mom (who is ill and keeping a blog) and all mom's friends know what great kids mom has and what a great time that person had with them. At least that's how I see it.
As for the invitation ... if the other woman was helping with hosting duties she SHOULD have been acknowledged on the invitation. I don't think she was helping to get "credit" ... but credit should definitely be given where it is due.
Just my take on it.
I don't like to publicize anything I do. If I make a donation to a cause, we do it anonymously. Things done between me and my friends stay between us. My husband volunteers his time for community health fairs, but has never told anyone (other than me and the people who organize the events) that he does it. Actually, I get quite uncomfortable when anything I have done is publicly acknowledged.
Hi M.-
I kind of do 'my own thing'...and worry little about acknowledgement for myself (or others).
I figure IF there is a god...he or she sees what I do always...
And if there is not (or even if there is?) it is good karma.
I am pretty anal about thank you's TO others for a kindness or a gesture.
I figure it all evens out in the end!
Best luck!
michele/cat
Okay - if I had cancer and someone was taking care of my kids for me and there was a blog I could read that showed my kids having fun? HECK YEAH!!! So if the patient gets to read the blog and gets to stay up-to-date on what her children are doing - I'm ALL FOR IT..
If they are just doing it for attention. no. That's not right.
So I would find out if the patient gets to read the blog and stay up with it. If so - then great. If not? They are people who need attention and pats on the back for "doing good".
How irritating, right?
Me, I wouldn't blog about it.
The point of the blog is to help the other person/family.
It is not a toot your own horn, type blog.
So those people are just using it to inflate their own ego and tell everyone.
Oh well.
To each his/her own.
Whatever.
1) it could be bragging
2) it could be letting the parents know that the kids were *well* take care of like; we did things with the kids, we didn't just sit them in front of t.v.
3)it could be they wanted others to think "hey, maybe we should do something for the family too"
Who knows what their true intentions are.
I have no problem with the blog comments about the sick friend's kids. If that blog was a central hub of information (which it sounds like it was), I think that's a perfectly appropriate place to share information about the friend's children. Also, even if it sounds a little self-aggrandizing, it's an unobtrusive way to plant the seeds in people's minds that the sick friend would appreciate it if other friends or relatives offered to babysit. It can be hard to ask for help directly.
As far as the baby shower co-hostess, I'm sure she wasn't doing it "only" for the credit, but I can see how it's irritating not to have one's contributions acknowledged. Especially if the hostess on record is the one everyone thinks did all the work. Obviously, she was tactless in phrasing her annoyance in quite that way, especially in front of someone who clearly doesn't understand her point of view, but I don't think it's that selfish for her to feel that way.
I'm with you. I volunteer a lot, but really hate being publicly acknowledged. Same thing with monetary donations - I'd rather just know the money is being well-spent than to have my name printed in a program.
I agree with you. When people publicly bring things up, to me, it always feels like they are fishing for comments. I find that unnecessary. If you aren't giving out of the kindness of your heart and only giving with the expectation of being applauded, then you aren't really giving, you are trying for an exchange of service for recognition.
I usually do my thing and if it comes up naturally, I'll mention it but I don't go looking for kudos if I'm really just trying to do a Good Deed.
I think it depends on whether or not their ego thinks everyone needs to know that "they" did for someone else, and how "much" of that something is that they did.
I do things for people because I want to. And I don't go around telling people what it is I've done for others. If it comes up in the course of conversation, that's different.
Social media has made it so that everyone feels they have to have something to talk about or post, just so they can keep up with the Joneses or surpass them.
Thank goodness I don't go social media at all.
If it is appropriate I discuss it. Some people it is to brag, b/c they are "one uppers" and that is how things work. Some people it is simply part of the conversation and some people I don't say anything to. I like to know who is hosting b/c that is the person one goes to when they have a question and typically that is the person that is running the show at the party.
"Our character is what we do when we think no O. is looking."
So there you go.....
