Godfather Advice

Hi,
There are a lot of opinions here regarding whether you CAN change a Godparent in the Catholic church. The reality is it is up to YOUR church/priest as to what is allowed in such cases. Some priests are more accepting of today's realities and allow changing Godparents, while others are rigid. If you decide a change is preferred, talk with your priest and have an alternate in mind (though don't ask them yet in case your church doesn't allow the change).
We experienced a similar situation. Heartbreaking as it was to accept the loss, we decided to ask someone else to take over the Godparent role. Our church supported our decision and our new Godparent is thrilled and very involved. We gained much more overall and it was the best choice for our child.
Best wishes.

If you no longer want him to be godfather have it put in your will that you want someone else. Your will override the baptism papers. My brother-in-law has his wife's sister and husband as godparents but his will has my husband and I listed as legal guardians. Sounds weird but that is how he has it.

Hi K.,
I know of a friend with a similiar situation as you and I think the best thing to do is ask the person that you would want to take his place as Godfather in confidence if he would take his place. I would explain your situation to the new Godfather and I'm sure would be more than happy to take on that roll. If you think that changing the name on the paper from the church is important than explain your situation in a meeting with your priest and I'm sure he would be more than happy to change the paperwork for you. Good luck! -M.

I had a similar problem with the godmother of my daughter, we do not speak at all anymore. I called the church to see if it was possible to "divorce" a godparent and they told me you really can't because it is just symbolic but that might depend on the church. I decided to pick another relative who is aware of the situation and is a bigger part of my daughter's life and make them her "honorary" godmother.

K.,
Hmmm. This is a tough one. I'm about to get into the same situation. My son's godparents are on the brink of divorce. I just wanted to respond as a fellow Catholic, offering a suggestion. I would ask the priest what are the options in your situation. My understanding of godparents in the Catholic faith is that they make a committment to God to show the child the path to God in conjunction with the parents. He has obviously reneged on his commitment. Well, what good is that? Can they at least remove his name from the baptism record? If the church offers no alternatives, I would just leave it alone. You can't force anyone to do something they don't want to do. Remove the negativity from your life and unofficially appoint another who is willing to step in. If that relationship works, Mikey can choose him as his official godparent at confirmation. Good luck with this, and God bless you.

I am sorry to hear about the divorce and how inconsiderate the guy is. What a jerk. I am also Catholic and think the first thing to do it go to your church and talk to a priest or nun. I think it is wonderful that you want a stable and caring person in your son's life. Good luck.

Wow. I found this heartbreaking because I know how much you want your children to have a godparent that participates. Ours are vey active in our childrens lives and I would be so bummed if they were not. So...I would talk to your priest about it and under these circumstances maybe there is something that can be done. We happen to be very close to our priest and consider him a true friend. If you do not have someone to speak to I know our priest would talk to you in a hearbeat with advise. I am sure you could email him as well if that is better for you. He has helped us through major family issues on several occassions and I have found him to be incredibly helpful and resourceful. let me know if I can get you in contact with him.

HI I am also Catholic. I would find somebody else to be the godfather. He has no interest you want someone that is a good Catholic roll model that also enjoys being around your son.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Your are not intentionally trying to hurt this man. You wish him no hard feelings but you need to put your sons welfare first. Plus it doesnt seem like this ex brother in law cares about being part of your family. Yes its sad ..but maybe its a blessing in disguise. You are not wasting your time on someone that doesnt want to spend time with your family. Good luck. Denise

If he has so much scorn for his ex that he wants nothing to do with her family I would seriously suggest getting a new godfather. I am catholic also and although I have yet to even baptize my children (i want them to make their own decisions about religion), if this is the path you choose take a good luck at your optional "parents". Find someone responsible. Good luck.

My sons godfather is my husbands brother. I too was not happy with this choice but being that it was his brother it seemed like the right thing to do. his brother is an alcoholic and has had barely any contact with my son in 11 years. We only see him when there is a death in the family. He only calls when he needs something. The thought of changing my sons godfather has crossed my mind many times. I have looked into it and found that you need to go to the parish that your child was baptized in and speak with them. Supposedely , all you have to do is have a warranted reason why you want to change. If you follow through i would love to hear the outcome. I too believe a godparent should have an active role in the kids live. i am sorry that I allowed his brother to be the godfather but the whole family thing came into play. I wish I would have stuck to my guns!!

My parents had the same issue with me when I was a baby, my godparents went from Catholic to Jehovah Witness. At that time the priest told my mother that if you want to have a godparent removed due to something that is against church (like changing religions or divorce), you just need to make an appt to talk to the priest. He can talk you through who to pick and how you make a change.

Hi, Mommie. Sometimes we know best. If you feel he does'nt want to be part of his life even though he said so. Just let it be. Let time go by without mentioning any more events and see what happens. Stop going to him and let him come to your family. Sometimes being quiet has a tendency of showing true things. When that opportunity comes you will be in the right. As for being a godfather that is an important job in your life and for your son. You want someone who will be there without asking to take part in your son's life. You'll make the right choice. Remember we know best. Were the mommy. Hope it helps.

Think about it...It came from the "HORSES" mouth that he does not want to be apart of this family or your son's life anymore...What do you expect will be said diffrently if you ask him? LEAVE the guy alone. With an attitude like that would you want him to be apart of your son's life? NO...

He was willing to play the Godfather role when he was married, now that they're Divorced why would he want to continue? Because It's the right thing to do? Stop giving this GUY credit for being a decent human being. Obviously, HE IS NOT... Let it go...

CC

As others have suggested, I would definitely approach a priest about this and get it changed. Also, I am not much of one to worry about paperwork. I am more inclined to find someone who will be present in my daughter's life regardless of whether the paperwork that is sitting in some church somewhere says.

We had trouble deciding who our godparents would be for our daughter (to be baptized in a few weeks) and ended up with two sets of godparents (4 total) instead of 2. So our daughter has 2 godfathers (my brother and my brother in law) and 2 godmothers (my husband's sister and my sister in law). The priest at our parish was fine with this and all will be included in the ceremony. For the paperwork, we listed only two names, but in life all four will be involved in our daughter's life. Isn't she lucky! And no one but the two of us (and now everyone reading this!) and the priest will know about what it says on the paper. All four have equal weight in our minds and in our hearts.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you should not think twice about asking someone else to be involved in your daugther's spiritual life. I am sure you can get it changed on the paperwork, but don't wait until all that red tape is dealt with, do it now. It sounds like all will be happier in the long run.

Many responded at about the "legality" of changing one's Godparent so I won't.

What I will say is that people come and go in our lives, sometimes for the best, other times not. You will come across many who will be a positive role model for you child in many different aspects of his life. Encourage those relationships. Perhaps someone in your son's life now, who you would consider to be "better Godfather material" than your ex-bil, would be a good choice as a Confirmation Sponsor later on?

Hi their , Fortunately this can be done but your going to have to go to your parish and ask for the request. You'll also need to have another godfather in mind. Hope your second choice turns out to be a blessing for your son. ( Remember your going to have explain to them why you have a change of heart.)

K. -
We recently baptized our 8 month old daughter. We sure did make a lot of family angry with us when we chose the godparents!! So - I completely understand what you are going through! I think that having a child brings out the best and the worst in family... Even if it's not "official" you should choose someone else to be your child's godfather. What's more important - the name on the paper or a caring godparent in your child's life?
Good luck to you! And God Bless.

I don't think that they allow you to CHANGE who the god father is in the Catholic church,
But I suggest you call them and ask them if its even possible,

As far as what he said to his X wife ARE you sure its not just HER , being angry about it, like she was when you ask him and NOT her to be the god parent.

It could just be her way of getting rid of him altogether.

You should ask him your self , either email him or call him and see what he says.

M

From past experience with the Roman Catholic church. I found that when your child is baptised they can’t answer the questions , so someone needs to answer for them. (the parents can do this if they wish.) They promised to bring the child up in the Christian faith, and took responsibility for this.
The godparent has become more of “supporting friend” someone who will help the parents but does not stand in for the parents or make up for any lacks in their care. Your Ex-brother in law may have the beleif that being a godparent meant in the event of your death he would be reponsible for raising your child as his on. This is not the role of godparents. Speak with him.

Hi K., I too am Catholic and have not heard of changing a Godfather (I have made some poor choices and as a result some of mine never see their Godparent) I could check for you but I know you cannot be baptized a second time. Maybe you can pick an Honorary Godfather? When your sons are of age they will pick a Sponsor for Confirmation (I teach religion gr.7) that person is a Godparent also. someone who will model the faith for them. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

No, you cannot change the Godparents under any circumstances. Usually, before the actual Baptism takes place the priests give a class to the parents and Godparents to be regarding the expectations of what their role is. The priests make it clear to be really certain about the choice you are making simply because later on it cannot be reversed.
It's too bad you guys didn't take more time to make a better selection or you just werent' informed enough about the catholic rules per se. This guy is a real jerk and you should let him know and remind him of the responsibility he chose to make to your child. If he still resists then at least you tried and chalk it up to his being a jerk and let it go. You can find someone else to be as close as a godfather to your child without the actual ritual. God will eventually deal with him in due time.

Jen

Hi K., Something similar like that happen to me too. She was my best friend for many years. She baptized my son. Some what years latter I saw her true colors. Since then I just don't bother with her or the godfather. My son is now 18 and till this day he has never needed Godparents. I now have a 4-year-old girl and I had her Baptized by my mother and my son. So even if you get into any fights, disagreements, they will always be there.
Signed,
No longer confused.

Godfather is not written in stone but it should be someone you KNOW will be there for your son. So, make the change and let both parties know about it.

I would ask your Church. What could it hurt, my kids have okay Godparents, but no one is like MOM and DAD. Don't exspect to much from them and you will live a happier life. :)

Unfortunately, I do not think that you can change your sons godfather. The Catholic church is very strict. I am also Catholic. I am 33 and hardly talk to my godfather who is my real Uncle. Same for my son who is 7. His godfather is his real Uncle my husband's brother...who we hardly see or talk to. You can call your church and ask, but I have a feeling the answer will be no.

Also, maybe you son can be given another godfather through a second baptism. I would ask.

I am sorry that your son's godfather is like this, but unfortunately it happens.

Keep us posted.

K.,
I don't think that the catholic church wil let you change your child's Godfather. I am in sort of a siilar situation. My sonis now 7 and when he was baptized I chose my brother to be his godfather. We did not have a Godmother. My brother is not married and I would like his wife to assume thegodmother role. We contacted the church and were told that there is no was to add a godparent after the ceremony. I can only assume that the same would be true for changing the godparent. good luck

Been there done that and the answer is NO. The church will not allow it. I looked into it for my daughter and the church said no. But....your situation is slightly different, talk to your priest at the rectory and advise him of the situation and perhaps your answer might be yes. Give it a try, it can't hurt. Good luck.

K. - As much as you want to be the peacemaker, you just have to let this one go. Priests for my four Catholic babies were very clear that their baptismal records would be forever and I would never be able to make changes to their God parents. The good news is, you can teach your children about our faith and our father. As another option, you can choose another "honorary" God parent and make the designation among your own family rather than officially.

On the other hand, when your children are confirmed, they'll need sponsors, who are also considered "God parents."

Good for you for remembering and celebrating their official welcome to the family of God. Unfortunately, not everyone takes the role of God parent as solemnly as they should. The same is true of marriage. Sounds like your sister in law could probably use some support too.

take care,
R.

I am Catholic too and I looked into the same thing. You cannot change a godparent. The Catholic church is very strict about it as the godparents are vowing to help raise the child in the faith and act as witnesses to the baptism.

I wish I had a better answer for you. I wanted to change our oldest's godparents because they are pretty much uninvolved as well but we were told "no".

Does your son have someone who can be a stand-in? In my opinion, while his name may be the legal one on the certificate, if the other godparents are more proactive just ask them to take your oldest on under their wings. My friend does this for her goddaughter's sister for the same reason.

BTW, I saw someone else say to have him baptized again. You cannot have him baptized again. I asked about that too. LOL

There are a lot of good posts here about this:

http://www.ask.com/web?q=Can+You+Change+Godparents+after+...

Hugs,
L.

http://APerfectMoment.MyArbonne.com

No sure how the Church deals with these things. So call your Church to ask them.
It very much sounds like this person isn't interested in your children anymore.....
If you are uncomfortable with this person now being the Godfather then pick someone else to take care of your children if something should happen to you or their dad...
Have it added to your Will or write your wishes down on paper about this and attach it to your Will....can have it notarize at your bank which would make it legal.

Hi! I am a devoted catholic as well, and I would def. change godfather's specially since he doesn't seem to want to be one. Call your priest and ask about how to go about swtiching, I don't know the logistics, but it is a very important role. If you can find someone who will take it seriously and with love that would be a blessing for your son. It is so nice to know that there are other catholics who still care about godparents out there. You are doing the right thing.
God Bless,
A.