I am curious what other parents tell their children about God, heaven, and other religious issues when they are not particularly religious. I had a very strange, fundamentalist upbringing and do not practice any religion. Mostly, I think, the issue comes up when faced with death or they hear about it from their friends. I'd like to know what others say about these topics, particularly from those who are not religious. Thanks!
My daughter is nearly ten-months-old so needless to say I have some time to think about this. Thank you for all the opinions and suggestions. If any one would like to add more, I am certainly open. I think I've also been able to narrow my question down to, how do you tell a very young child about a belief system and/or spirituality? I think it is easier if your ideals are very structured. If they are not, this is more of a conundrum. I believe that spirituality is separate from religion, faith/belief/doctrine is both spiritual and cultural, and someone else is not wrong for believing as they do -- all challenging concepts for a child. What I think is pretty cool (and scary) is that kids pick up on lessons that we don't intend to teach them so I guess my husband and I just have to live by example.
Thank you, too, for those of you who had book suggestions.
J.
I was never really exposed by my parents to religion and I do not recall exactly how they addressed that, but I do know they never held me back from exploring either.
I found an amazing book for children called "The Religions of the World". It is written from the point of view of children in different cultures and religions. It is wonderful to open up your children's eyes to the variety of choice out there.
As for the "religious issues", maybe it would help for you to see them as "spiritual issues" instead. Not everyone believes there is a god, but most believe there is a "higher power", not everyone believes that heaven exists, but most go searching for that "eternal happiness".
It may be hard to believe, but "religion" is actaully on it's way out. People don't like the confinements of it, the rules, the fear, the limitations. Sprituality is a universal principle, religion is subject to interpretation.
Don't worry about "explaining" religion. Go to the library, get a bunch of books on "religions" of the world and find their similarities, discover how even on the other side of the world people believe in something "good". Empower your family with the knowledge that you don't have to "be religious" to be "spiritual".
This is something near and dear to my heart if you want to speak further. I was raised in a very strict "religious" but hypocritial upbringing. It has been a long and confusing road to find my place in it all. If my experience can help you at all, I'd love to share.
Hi, Jen. I'm in the same boat, with the upbringing being very different than what I believe. This is going to be very frank. PLEASE STOP READING HERE, IF YOU WILL BE OFFENDED BY READING A NON-RELIGIOUS POINT OF VIEW. I am VERY SURE of what I believe; I am happy to elaborate on, but I have NO DESIRE to debate my views.
It's my opinion that morals and religion are mutually exclusive. I believe in having a moral code that is based in wanting to do good, and not in fear of punishment. I tell my children, who are 11,13 and 19, that I believe in a Creator: "God" who created Natural Law and evolution: a perfect, logical plan. The rules NEVER change. And God doesn't sweat the small stuff. To me, honoring people is honoring God. I don't like the human egocentricity of any religion I've looked into. They all look like the same product in different packaging, to me. And I believe that this life MATTERS: It's not a "throw away" life, so we really need to do our best with it and leave a legacy that contributes and doesn't subtract from. Since my children have wanted to know, I tell them what I REALLY believe: that organized religions I've seen do more harm than good, encourage abuses, and are profitable businesses. I encourage them to use the inherent God-given sense of right and wrong, and to be free thinking, compassionate people.
In the words of Abe Lincoln: "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That is my religion."
I believe in giving children only as much information as they need at the time, and not overwhelming them with what they might misinterpret or hurt someone's feelings with. Mine were exposed to quite a bit of church when they were younger, and I don't feel that it harmed them. I also gave them more information and interpretations, for them to have a balance that I believe to be healthy. I've told them everything above, and have answered their questions about specific religious stories. We've had diverse friendships and religious backgrounds in our lives, so I'm happy to say mine are completely non-judgmental and unthreatened by other lifestyles. Since spirituality is so individual, I think the best way is to say "What I believe is...". In the end, if they're good people who are open-minded and compassionate, and DO (aside from talk), I'm proud of their choices.
P.S. For those who know I'm a childcare provider, I NEVER share my own views with other people's children. I ONLY support what they are taught at home.
Hi - FIrst of all I'm so thrilled to see such a variety of beliefs and religious represented. I'm Jewish and my husband was raised Catholic but now has his own belief's about G-d but is not into established religion. He supports me and comes with me to temple sometimes but that's it. My kids are being raised Jewish, though I want them to be exposed to all and if they decide to be something else when they grow up, I'll support them. In fact, my son is taking a Christian Karate and it's sparked some great discussions. He asked me if Jesus was G-d. I explained to him that some people think so, while others who are Jewish feel that he was a great man but not G-d. I kept it simple since he was 6 at the time. He went through a period where he was trying figure out just what or who was G-d and I just kept saying it's whoever or whatever you think. He's different for everyone which seemed to work. Finally, I know everyone is suggesting books but another good one is "How to talk to your children about G-d" which was written by the same man who wrote "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People" It's from a Liberal Jewish perspective but still a good resource for all.
Julia,
I could not have said it better myself. The last time someone asked me if I went to church and I gave them that exact evolution and moral code explantaion, they threw the bible at me and began reciting versus outloud because they felt I needed to be "saved". I would never push my beliefs on anyone else even my children and others should do the same. I am currently 4 months pregnant and I too will let my child know when the time is right about evolution, if they decide they want to go to church when they are older I will not stop them.
Julia...
I just have to say...
If I was working, you'd be MY child-care provider! You views are very parallel with my own. I am Wiccan, but by boys will not know that until they are older, or at least until they are old enough to decide on a religion on their own... so long as they understand that they should respect all religions.
Jen...
You sound like a wonderful Mom... Let that be your focus. Religion is a compliment to a rock-solid family foundation.
Dear Jen,
Well, it has been so long since my children were little that I have forgotten what I told them at an early age. But, since you like to read you might get a good idea of what to say if you read "The Secret Message of Jesus" by Brian D. McLaren. I just started reading it and it is very easy to read and understand. Sometimes those religious tomes are pretty dry. But this guy is just 'an ordinary man' Like Rex Harrison used to sing.
It is really hard about Heaven. My beloved son died about 3 1/2 years ago, and he was extremely close to my gr grand daughter, his niece. She was present in the house when he died unexpectedly, in fact had just read her a book, and by the time he died, she was in the bedroom for a nap. He died while she was still awake, but she stayed on the bed and waited until her grand mother came to get her. She comforted us all, and she couldn't even talk she was so young - she is 5 now. Her mother told her that Uncle David was in Heaven with God, so she clung to that for a while. Then later on - months later, when she could talk, we always talk about David so he was in the front of her mind all that time. One day she became very angry with all of us adults, and said that we had lied about Uncle David being with God and in Heaven....we were so shocked that we just were speechless....then she said very firmly....He Died ! He is dead and you wouldn't tell me.
So there you are a real life story. You need to do a lot of thinking about what you are going to tell your children. I am sure that the other mommies have good ways to do it.
One day when David was just about 5 he was loosing his teeth at that time. When one came out he held it in his hand and said very reverently 'Mom, God made this !' I got tears.
He was certainly a gift to me from God, and no matter how painful it is to have him gone, I am still thrilled and proud that he was my son.
So there you are, C. N.
Usually when my son asks about it, I try to give him a few examples of what different religions believe. For example, he was asking about death the other day, so I told him how some people believe in heaven, some believe in purgatory, and others believe in reincarnation.
I'll usually ask him then what he thinks, and answer any other questions he has. I try not to espouse any particular point of view because I want him to make his own conclusions. I also really emphasize the common elements in all religions, such as the golden rule, charity, forgiveness and good will. I tell him that as long as he practices those things that it doesn't matter what religion you follow or if you follow one at all.
hello Jen,
The same question I have asked myself many times, but as I continue the quest day in and day out, the same idea appears to me when meditating about this.
Since we are not human beings having a spiritual experience in this world, but instead we are spiritual beings having a human experience; we can always rely on the basics, in our own essence and soul. We all have it in us, since we were born from the same and we all are one. Spirituality comes much easier and stronger for parents like ourselvs who do not know which path to follow, instead of religion and orthodox methods. God is all simple things. The trees, the flowers the birds and all the things that surround us. Prayer and meditation is the simplest most delightful method to get to him. Children attend and believe when we the parent, talk about Gods love and power.
One simple prayer that goes a long way during your day, for you and your children:
"THANK YOU"
As short and simple as it may saound, this is the way we keep recieving the many blessings in our lives. Children can take this prayer and carry it wherever they go and see the beautiful joys of life.
love and kindness,
namaste,
Cynthia
p.s.
I too enjoy gardening!!!
I have the same problem as you. I have not had it brought up yet but I know it will be soon. I think I will just explain it as something that some people believe in but that I dont. I figure when my kids are old enough they can make up there own mind. I would love to hear some of the reponses that you get though..
I am athiest, my husband is christian. We have had these "issues" as well. We tell our son that everyone is different and that is okay. Then we tell him that everyone believes differently and that too is okay. I have a little knowledge of the bible, so when he asks questions, I explain what I can from my point of view and the bibles point of view. Then I tell him I want him to believe what ever he feels is right. If it gives him drive, determintaion, and desire to be the best he can be, then it is right for him. So far he believes in God and the bible, and that is fine with me. Everyone is different and some may not like what I have said above, but dont worry, I would NEVER push my beliefs or disbeliefs on anyone, not even my own kids. Good luck with this religious stuff, it is very tough at times.
Hi Jen
I am the lucky mother of 4 wonderful children
15,11,4,and 2. We are a christian family but
do not currently attend church regularly. I feel it is
very important to instill your value's
on your children. My parents both catholic joined a
cult when I was young . I believe
this happened because there families didn't give them
a strong foundation of what they
believed. The approach I take is one of discovery and
mutual respect. I have lots of children
bibles and dvd's and they love watching and listening
as much as the Disney dvd and stories.
We pray before we eat and thank god for all our
blessing. We pray before we go to bed
and again thank god for all the great things in our
life. Our prayers are very simple and
it is funny to listen to my 4 and 2 year old who are
in the asking stage of prayer.
We begin with Thank you Jesus Thank you Lord thank you
for.................. and end with
amen.
There is no topic of limits
including creation verses evolution. When they ask
about a particular religion we will find out what they
believe and again why we believe the way we do.
Growing up my parents were estranged from my
grandparents because of the cult
they joined. Don't leave your children vulnerable as
young adults. We naturally believe
in a higher purpose and if you don't instill a Value
system that you Believe in you are
not giving them the tools they will need as adults.
They will be vulnerable and if they later join
a particular group it could cause family conflict
and estrangement.
love and god bless J.
Hi Jen,
I have always asked myself this question. I was raised Catholic and I appreciate many forms of religion, but I did not approve of the fear and guilt I was raised with. I talk to my son daily about God and I still teach him the bible and Christian principles, but he also knows I study comparative religion, and that I love Buddhist principles as well. I also teach him that there are many paths, one truth.
Funny thing is, my son tells me how he thinks about God. He has his own views, which are truly beautiful. I don't know if I did anything to inspire this, but I hope I did.
Ultimately, I try to lead him with an open mind and heart. If my son decides to practice Catholicism, I will never stop him. I feel if you as a parent have a strong grasp of who you are, then your children will only prosper from your presence alone, and learn God through your unconditional love, since that is really, all there is to this life.
Hi,
I think you pose a great question. I was raised in a very non-religious family and married a Catholic man, whose family is strong in their faith. I am anticipating the questions from my 21 month old daughter when she hears conflicting stories from the different sets of Grandparents. Also, the part about "you" stood out to me because I am also a Marriage and Family Therapist who is not yet licensed. I finished all my hours and am "supposedly" ready to take the exams soon. Since my daughter was born, everything changed. I thought I would be licensed by now, but just can't seem to find the time to study. Very frustrating. What's your status...are you in the Los Angeles area? Thanks again for the great question. Love, T.
Myself and my husband were actually broght up very differently religiously. He is muslim and his family is not particularly religious and I am christian and was raised more spiritual than strictly religious. Neither of us is follows a strict religion and feel we are more open minded and liberal when it comes to these things. We both agree there is a higher power and something greater than us, but that is about as far as it goes. It is important to me however our child is baptized. It is traditional to me and something I feel that purifies the child. This brought up some issues between my husband and I. Ultimately we decided when our children are old enough we will enroll then in religious educational classes and let them decided for themselves. These classes can teach about all aspects of religion, whether it is Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or Jewish. The point is I think education is the key and that way you don't have to tell your child how to think one way or another especially if you are not particularly sure.
anyone who things that the church should hold sway over everyday life, should visit mississippi. . in mississippi, the church you go to decides where you work ( now if you are a woman, you cant work without your husbands and your pastors permission).your church also decides where you live, because of course, as a woman, you have to able to walk to church, because you cant drive without your husbands and pastors ok.where you go to church also decides where your kids go to school.. if you dont like the school, too bad. your pastor decides that, not you,if your husband gets a raise, your pastor will be making a house call, asking for a donation,after inviting himself over.before you go the movies you have to check with your pastor to make sure he will allow it. and forget about birth control,because without your husbands permission, the doctor cant give it to you. your local library, when its open, carries bibles and only bibles. if you go to walmart and you are not wearing heels, hose and makeup, be prepared to be harassed . if you go out to dinner and get a beer, again be prepared to be harassed. if your neighbor looks in your window and sees you doing something that your pastor doesnt approve of, they can call the police, even if you are doing nothing illegal.if you take your sick child to the hospital, and you are not married, they can openly harass you and refuse to treat your child.
be careful what you ask for. you dont want virginia to become mississippi
K. h.
