Five years ago, when my oldest was in 6th Grade, our then Girl Scout Troop went through a really hateful "split". After 4 years of trying to deal with this mean girl & her family, I resigned as troop leader & they tried to force me to stay & then forced a troop split for the cookie $$, of course. The drama was all-in-compassing, because 25 of the troop girls were in school together, my sister & I both worked at the school, I was on the PTA Board & one of the other leaders was the school secretary. The secretary sided with the mean girl's family & tried to turn the Scout troop drama racial, of all things. It was exceeding ugly & harmful to many families, not just mine. She also used her school position to hurt all the kids/families that "sided" with me, even families that weren't involved with the troop, just friends with us.
The mean girl was so sneaky & snarky, she was doing or saying terrible things in both school & in the troop, but she had the kind of parents that would intimated & then turn it around to be the fault of everyone else, not their childs. The fallout on my daughter & our family was HUGE & influenced several life changing decisions for us--switiching schools for all three of my girls, NOT sending my oldest daughter to the middle school of her choice--because this girl managed to get into it also. When I get down, I start to see what I should of done, where I screwed up, the would've, could've should've hind sight that can be crazy-making. Straight up, the first thing I should've of done was teach my daughter to fight back--even physically, if need be-- instead of trying to do the peace-maker-ignore it thing. She would of developed a lot of confidence, instead of the fear she has now.
So, 2 weeks ago a friend told me that her daughter was friends with the mean girl on FB & saw that she was pregnant. She should be a senior in high school. And I feel ashamed to say, I'm glad! Everytime I think of it, I want to do a happy dance! The mean girl's mom had spent a lot of time talking about making sure her girl went to the "right" school, with the "right" type of kids, so she wouldn't get pregnant or join a gang, etc... I reallize I should NOT be so happy about this outcome for their family, but I do! Of course, the poor baby is being born into a family with a really icky moral code, which isn't too good. But still... It's normal to feel a little vendication when a long time "enemy" gets their just desserts, right?
Interesting replies, about 1/2 saying yep, normal feelings, just don't say them out loud. Of course not! I'm pretty horrified I even have these feelings, since I've always been a "treat others as you wish to be treated" person. I thought for over a week about whether to ask my question, because even though it's on-line & somewhat anonymous, I'm sure someone could figure out who I am if they really wanted to. And I am aware that my feelings are mean. I am just feeling them, not saying them to others who could be hurt by the gossip or in front of my girls!
The thing that IS upsetting is to me is that several replies are blaming me or my girls & saying I was a bad leader & a mean girl for even thinking such a thing! I did give a lot of details, but just the surface ones.
I wasn't the only leader, there was 3 co-leaders. But I was on point, so to speak. We did EVERYTHING the GS council told us to, many groups on bullying, role playing responses, etc. I even moved my own child to another troop. She was a fantastic GS leader & BTW a teenage pregnancy statistic. They got pregnant when she was 16, they got married, finished HS, she worked to put him through college & they have a wonderful family. But she will be the first to tell you, it wasn't easy. That it takes a lot of work & tears to finish growing up & raising a new baby all at once. And I was also the child of a teenage mama. I know first hand the struggles this girl faces.
As for the stuff that went on in Elementary school...yes of course the administration was involved. But I did mention this girl was sneaky. I only know of the stuff she did to my girls & their friends. Eventually, 3 weeks before 6th Grade Graduation, she was caught passing a "vicious" note about her teacher, by the teacher. The teacher read it, burst out in tears, went to the Principal & said she won't go back into her classroom until this child was removed from school. The principal finally had documented proof & was working on expelling her from the school when her mother came in with a signed district withdrawal form for home schooling. The secretary has tenure in the district. She got a stern talking to. Big deal.
The biggest mistake I made was not quitting after the 1st year, because there had been several little incidents that I & others dismissed as "girls will be girls" stuff. I hate to quit, I thought I could follow the rules & make a difference. I was wrong. Also, I had never in my life met someone this sneaky. I have since learned the word "Machiavellian" I've read books & watched a ton of movies with a "Machiavellian" plot, but I had NO IDEA that a child could behave like this child did.
So yeah, a 12 yr old did determine where I sent my daughters to school. I was done with this girl & didn't want them anywhere near her. The Grapevine over the past 5 years has totally supported my decision, her behavior toward others has not improved.
Sorry I'm so verbose, I talk a lot. Now could someone tell be what the" # of Mama found this helpful" thing means? Is it the Mamapedia equivalent of the FB like button?
There's a word for that. Schadenfreude - happiness at someone else's misfortune. Welcome to being human.
Yeah, normal. There's a brief moment when a jerk has something not nice happen where we feel glee. As long as you let it go and don't do a happy dance for an extended length of time. ;)
So, this now young woman needs to pay for her parent's sin? I mean, in 6th grade she was 11/12. A kid.
So you are gleeful that she is pregnant.
And you are worried about the "icky moral code" of this girls family.
hmmm....
L.
WOW, you have been holding on to this pent up anger and hate for 5 years!!
Really??? Just think of the GOOD things you could have accomplished by using that pent up energy of hate elsewhere in your life.
What a waste. I sure hope you have not expressed your "glee" to anyone else because it sure makes you look like the bad guy here.
So the 12 yr old and her mom were bullies.... I tend to think that you and your daughter were not so innocent yourselves. Anyone who would harbor ill will toward another family like this is not such an upstanding citizen either.
I feel for the unborn baby who had no choice in the matter.
That's not "just desserts" that's a CHILD, a human life.
I can't imagine a grown woman bullied into submission by a young girl (you didn't send your daughter to a particular school because of a single 12 year old? did you not know how to get the administration and counselors involved, or was your daughter part of the problem too?)
No wonder you feel so superior. You seem about as mature as a teenager yourself.
Why are you glad? You know what they say: "Mean People Make More Mean People"?
I would feel very, very sorry for this girl whose parents have utterly and completely failed her by not stepping up to the plate and truly parenting her. I know that you feel this impacted your life negatively, but there were times--- which you admit yourself-- that you could have made different choices. You could have found ways to limit this girl's influence on your own children. It sounds like the lesson is learned, now a baby is being born to horrible people. There is nothing to celebrate. Please, if you are still holding onto this to such a degree, go talk to someone. I would not want to be carrying this sort of enmity around for all these years.
It's not to say that I haven't been hurt by others, but when I hear that something challenging or hard has happened to their family, it just makes me sad. Taking pleasure in this girl's comeuppance doesn't undo the drama or the bad feelings/choices made. It only perpetuates more ugliness. Try hard not rejoice in the very hard journey this troubled, failed young woman has ahead of her, even if only as an example to your children.
You know the say that karma is a bi***. As for teaching your daughter to fight back, it is better to use your brain over fists to fight back.
You have let these people occupy space in your life and mind for over 5 years ! You have given them way to much power in your life.
It is not right to feel glee. It is petty and vindictive and, honestly, makes you the mean girl.
You need to move on. Say a pray for the girl, her unborn baby, and her family, and let it go. Then feel glee over releasing the anger and hurt.
my high school nemesis developed a thyroid problem and gained 30 lbs. It might have brought a little smirk to my face. But the way I see it is that God works all things for good. Turns out that the girl (now adult and mother), really needed the weight to humble her. She used to use rely on her looks. She didn't know how to be nice to those around her. Turns out you actually have to be nice when you can't rely on your looks to attract friends. She is still actually a beautiful lady and from what it seems, has develop some character from her trials. So yeah, its okay. Just also know that God will bring her through it a stronger and better person.
People have emotions, so it's not abnormal to "feel" a little vindicated. However, we are also logical, thinking beings, and should keep our emotions in check, especially when they are unkind emotions.
Therefore, you should certainly not share these emotions with anyone else, especially your children. Instead, you should nurture your higher, better self, and be kinder and more understanding.
This "mean" girl is a teenager -- she is still a kid -- and YOU are being the mean one if you are happy dancing about this unfortunate occurrence.
The very fact you posted this and went into such detail -- and then at the end, rather than questioning your glee in any real way, you ask strangers to participate in approving your feelings .-- it all says volumes. And not about the girl.
Please don't post "I feel ashamed to say I'm glad" when you do not feel ashamed based on anything else you say in your post. Own it, at least, if you're going to ask others to approve of it. Which as you see below, many folks don't. Maybe we've all felt that bit of "That was a deserved comeuppance" but I doubt we've all posted online to find someone to say it's OK.
I hope you can keep your happy dance out of sight of your kids. Unless, of course, you don't mind their learning that it's OK to exult in the misfortunes of others.
I don't know. I think this is just sad. Sad for the baby. Sad for the girl. Sad for you that you carry around so much anger and resentment especially since you acknowledge you could have done things differently.
I really try not to take pleasure in other peoples failings even those I feel have wronged me. Remember, no one thinks they are the bad guy.
I think that you can and should feel however you want. Especially if it's something that is in your head and gives you an evil little smile. I don't think you should tell your children how you feel. And certainly don't tell any of your friends. It will only hurt you in the end for people to think that YOUR moral code is so low that you are actually happy for their situation. I'd say the most you can say is, "well, it doesn't surprise me." and even that is too much!
And I think it's a good learning lesson for your kids about why you do what you do to make sure they are outstanding kids who make good choices.
I can totally see why you feel this way. We can't help but feel vindicated when karma plays out so quickly. My daughter had a mean girl in her life, they haven't seen each other for a couple of years due to going to different middle schools, but are about to go to the same high school. I totally get where you are coming from.
I would say yep, totally normal, and give yourself permission to do the happy dance! But don't let your daughter see it- just say how sorry you feel for the whole lot of them, including the new baby. And then, return to your life and move on.
Regrets are hard, and of course there are things you wish you had done differently. Use the lesson learned to influence your family's future and try to let go of the past. It's hard- I know!!
Just don't go around celebrating and doing your happy dance, around others or telling others.
Just keep it to yourself.
Then get over it.
I think you're feeling vindicated more than happy. And, you should. I think for years this family bullied others and probably always got their way. Well, the gig is over and reality just set in:)
I do feel bad for the unborn child.
Unfortunately it is normal (but not right).
You are a good person because you are honest about your (bad) feelings rather than being self-righteous. Welcome to human nature.
Be careful, you have a daughter too. A long time to be,hanging onto Girl Scout stuff, ya think. Let it go. I hope it works out for the "mean girl."
Wow. I think you need to let go of this. This girl is now a senior in high school - this happened while they were in grade school - so it's ancient history. There are all kinds of miserable people and I've dealt with a lof of them over the year. It takes two parties to cause a conflict.
too bad your friend told you about the pregnant girl...
heh. karma is never as neat as we'd like it to be, so it's always a joy when we get to see it play out before our eyes.
enjoy your happydance!
:) khairete
S.
I think it's a natural human response to be happy when something unfortunate befalls someone you hate. You have a lot of negative feelings towards this girl and her family, so I can see it.
Looking at the situation from an outsiders perspective, I don't see it as a happy occasion. Regardless of the family and their moral code, teen pregnancy is never a good thing.
Wow, that's really vindictive and vicious of you. I don't think that's "vindication" at all. I don't think it's "just desserts" either. I also don't think that you and your daughter were innocent parties in the fiasco that played out so many years ago.
I think you're harboring very sour grapes. I know you want us to side with you and feel a lot of compassion for you, but I really think it would be really interesting to get the "mean girl's" side of the story. Because right now? She's not the one coming out looking like the mean girl. She was a child and still is. Of course her mother was going to protect her and still will.
It was all about the Mama Drama back then... all between the adults when it came down to it. I doubt the girls had much at all to do with it. What sort of "just desserts" is having an unplanned pregnancy for a teen girl based on whatever horrible things she and her mother may have done in your pious eyes when she was only 12?
I'm really relieved you weren't and aren't my daughters' troop leader.
Even good girls get pregnant when they don't plan on it.
Yes,I would be a little gleeful. I'd keep my glee to myself, but it would be there. This was someone,albeit a child, that cause you and your family a lot of hurt. I don't think you are happy about the child's situation as much as you are about her mother's hopes for her not working out.
It's a human response. Maybe not all that mature, but after what you went through, I can't say I blame you.
What is a shame is that this woman didn't get fired from her job with the school. She should have gotten into a boatload of trouble. I would have gone to the school board over that...
Anyway, I'm sure that the mother will get all on board with the baby, so don't do too much of a happy dance. She'll do it to keep from losing face. That's all she is about, not losing face...
