Let me start off by stating that when my son gets rid of things he no longer wants anymore, I let him sell the item and keep the money for something else he may want. On his birthday we bought him a new bike and he decided to go ahead and give his old bike which he had outgrown to one of the neighbors who he thought would enjoy it. I have not seen the bike since we gave it to them about 6 months ago. Well about a month ago someone told me that the neighbor sold the bike. I kind of let it go and did not really believe it. Well the child he gave the bike to had a birthday a few weeks ago and I heard one of the parents say "Maybe we should have got him a bike for his birthday" (instead of what they did get him). I asked what happened to the bike we gave him and he paused and said something like oh yeah we do have that.
I would not mind if the child used the bike and outgrew the bike and wanted to get rid of it but he has not used it once since we gave it to them. If they did not want the bike we would have gladly kept it and sold it as it was in great condition. My question is do I confront them? I do not think it is ok for someone to accept a gift just to turn around and profit on it. I know it is not alot of money but it is the concept.
EDIT: We consider these neighbors our friends, not just an acquaintance.
Thanks for all the responses! I am surprised how quickly I received so many answers. I will follow the advice of almost all of you and take it as a lesson learned.
In order to answer a couple of questions in the posts - Yes the bike was a gift from us to our son. I do not believe this situation is anything like a Christmas or birthday gift. These situations are for a specific purpose. Giving just to give is something which I believe should be cherished. If someone gives me something to help my family, I use it! I do not sell it! If my family uses that item and no longer needs that item, I ask the person who gave it to me if they would like the item back before I donate it to someone else. I would never accept a gift just to turn around and sell it. And my son has never received any gift for any purpose that he just sold and did not use first.
Another thought - why can't someone post a question without at least getting one response that is an attack on the person asking the question. This is a place to ask others opinions and learn from others NOT to attack each other.
I agree not to confront them. I'd be seething as well, probably mostly for the message it sent to my kid, but I think you should just let it go. Anything else you wish to gift to someone (those people or not) you might want to approach them first and say hey we have an X that we are planning on selling, but if you can use it you are welcome to it. This way it gives people a chance to say yes or no thanks and no hard feelings!
No, you can't confront them on this. It was a gift and once you give a gift it's no longer yours and you cannot decide what that person does with the gift.
Yeah, what they did by selling the bike sucks, but there's nothing you can say or do about it.
Lesson learned. No more gifting to the neighbors.
I agree with Stephanie. Gift given...not your business anymore let it go. Just don't give them anything that you are not willing for them to sell.
Don't ruin the gift giving experience for your son. He did a very generous thing and making an issue out of it will make him think twice before he leads with his heart.
as annoying and rude as it is, when you give something to someone it is than theirs to do with as they please. I would let this drop.
Well once an item is given to someone, it's done. Whatever they decide to do with it is their business and of no concern of yours. Is it frustrating? Yep it sure it. I had this happen to me a couple of times with the same individual (my dil). She took the items but then gave it all away shortly afterwards. I was a bit hurt by it. Because of this and because of her and my stepsons ungratefulness of all the stuff we handed them, I put a stop to giving them stuff. She would make comments like, when you are done with that, can I have it? Really rude if you ask me. She knows we want a new living room set and stated that once we get a new one, she would like the one we have now. I have no intention of handing it to them. If they want it, they can buy it from us. I'm not opposed for helping others in need but I would at least like a thank you. I don't want to feel like it's expected of me to give them whatever. If I were you in this case, I would leave it alone. Treat it as a lesson learned.
Were any of those outgrown toys your son sells gifts in the first place? It's the same principle. If I am having a garage sale, easily half of the things I'm selling were probably gifts I received. Is it wrong me for to sell them? For whatever reason, they decided the bike wasn't working for them (wrong size? handlebars too high? who knows) or maybe they really needed the cash that month, again who knows. Not your business, a gift given is no longer yours.
Take it as a lesson and let it go. I agree that once you give a gift it isn't yours anymore. Don't take it upon yourself to teach your neighbors how to be considerate, it probably will ruin the friendship. You could use it as a life lesson for your son though if he is old enough to be discreet. Teach him about how your family would handle a situation like that and why. then the world will be a better place.
why does this bother you so much?
do you expect every single person you that you give a hand-me-down to keep it for the rest of their life? Once you relinquish an item, it's no longer yours.....unless you clearly state up-front that you want it returned at a later date...or that you'd like the $$ if it's ever sold.
I'm not quite sure "why" this is such an issue for you! It truly sounds as if you regret your son's generosity! I do agree that the whole situation is awkward, but I think your attitude is making it even more so. I also believe that the neighbors could have been a little bit more considerate. & 1 more thought: did it ever occur to you that the neighbor who told you the bike was sold....may be doing so....out of meaness? Peace....
It sounds as if the monetary issue may be more important to you than you let on, simply because your opening sentence was about your son getting to keep the money he makes. You say your son made the decision to 'give' his bike to the neighbor.
I would let it go and consider it a lesson. If you feel charitable next time, by all means find a charity to donate your unwanted items to. This is really no different than a Christmas gift that is given and never seen or displayed again. We have all bought gifts and wondered... "did they every use that". just my two cents.....
I wouldn't say anything but you can't really tell people what to do with an item once you have given to them. I had this same thing happen once and I don't think it was right either (actually I was pretty mad) but the only thing you can do is not give them anything else.
I sometimes experience "giver's remorse," too, when I find out my gift isn't appreciated or used well. Or when I learn it was sold (only happened once for me. That I know of, anyhow).
The simple fact is that a gift means the giver relinquishes all rights to the item. It is up to the receiver to use it as he will. And overall, this is a good thing. Imagine if every gift you receive has strings attached (like the ones that one of my sisters gives). Yikes!
You might institute a rule that if your son wants to give things of value away, he should check with you or his dad first. He sounds like a generous child, which reflects well on the way you have raised him. But I'd want to be sure he isn't trying to "buy" friendship or favors.
Honestly, there's no tactful way to do this.
Since it was your son's bike, and he chose to give away the bike, I'd have HIM say something... they pretty much took much out of HIS pocket.
Really tough one... it's a sh!tty situation, but really, it was your son's decision to give him the bike, their choice to sell it. I agree, that's totally messed up and kind of a slap to your kid's face, but you can't MAKE other people use their brains sometimes, you know?
Poor dude :(
I understand your concept, but have a thought for you, when you give a gift it shouldn't come with the condition, "if you don't use it, I want it back". I don't know how many times I have given someone a present, and turned around and found it in their next garage sale or that they gave it to someone else. I will also admit that there have been a few times I was given a gift that I really didn't have a use for or already had quite a few of the item(candle set, aromatherpy stuff, etc) that I have either passed on to another friend or family member or given to Goodwill. On these, I didn't want to say to the person who was feeling good because they thought they were doing something thoughtful, that Oh, I already have those or I don't need these, and ruin their good feeling that they have for giving. Once you give someone something, it becomes theirs to do with as they wish; even if it may seem wrong.
I have been in this situation a lot, where we give household things away, toys, furniture, even good computers...and the people sell the items for profit. And then act like it was there's to do so with.
In all my years of doing this, I have one good story...I gave away an absolutely cool Porsche Race Car bed that belonged to my son. The mom ended up not using it, sold it at a consignment store and sent me the $$.
Lesson learned, give them less and find others who are more needy.
