Giving in to Ex and His Wife, to Prevent a Fight....

if you have 50/50 custody, maybe you can make a calendar that shows the entire year on one page... color the days you get your kids one color, and their days another color... after a month or so, you could see if it's really 50/50. if they are getting the kids every weekend in June because they have fun activities planned, then you get them every weekend in July or August. just show them the calendar and tell them it has to actually be 50/50.
then you can also book up weekends you want in advance. and then tell them that hey - it was on the calendar, and they should pick a different weekend to do that activity... and maybe have to have specific picked weekends booked atleast 4-6 weeks in advance.

just out of curiosity - why is it important to you that their father gets the kids for father's day? if it's really important to him, that's one thing.. but if it is because you really want to spend mother's day with your own kids, and figure he would really like to spend father's day with them because that is how you feel.. well, i think I would plan a mother's day with your kids on father's day.

I just typed a big answer here and was not logged in, so it didn't save. Basically what I said is that you have to step up to the plate and fight the fight. I know you said that you don't like conflict, but they are YOUR kids!! You have to fight for them! I would NEVER let some other woman try to take my kids away from me. You are the one that gave birth to them and carried them in your tummy for 9 months! If your ex husband can't handle his wife when she gets upset if he doesn't do what she wants, too bad!! Let him worry about that! It's not your problem, you are not married to him anymore! Your kids need to see that you care enough about them to fight for them! If they grow up and see that you care enough to fight for your time with them, they will respect you for that! They are YOUR kids and YOU have just as much a right to have them on your time, especially Mother's Day, as their dad does on Father's Day! He should be fighting for you, even though you are not married anymore, you ARE the mother of his children! Period! If they want to take the kids to disneyland and places like that, then they can plan it for a time that they are scheduled to have them. Kids grow up fast! I could not imagine being without my kids at all, let alone having some other woman try to take them away from me. Let them spoil the kids on their own time, not yours! The kids will get over it believe me! Besides, they don't need to be spoiled rotten, they need to learn that sometimes you have to sacrifice things you like for the ones you love!! Good luck!

You should say no to them and plan something equally as fun to do with your kids. Tell your ex way in advance that you have something fun planned and you'll be taking the kids that day according to your original agreement.

I find in life, too many people struggle with saying no to someone and then complain when they're not happy with the result. Remember, this is your choice, your life to be happy or not. I understand your reason is because you don't want your kids to miss out on something fun, but really, you could be doing something fun with them too and that means, they're missing out on doing something fun with you. So, really, your choice to give in is causing your children to miss out - they miss out on a wonderful day spent with their Mother.

Also remember this, you can say no to someone and you do not have to have some grand excuse as to why you've made the decision you've made. I know too many Moms who commit themselves to something and then say they "had to" because they didn't have a good reason not to. Here's what you say to someone who you want to say no to, "Oh, I'm sorry that sounds nice, but I'm unable to do xyz." No reason needed. In your case, it might help if you have a little reason, but don't go overboard, "Just wanted to let you know well in advance that I'm planning on having the kids for Mother's Day, we're going to have a special day together so be sure to let your wife know to schedule any plans for another day because they'll be with me on Mother's Day." If she continues to plan something (like Disneyland) regardless of your feelings, I think you're going to have to be the bad guy and tell your kids that you already had something planned and she made plans anyway. One time losing that much money because you tell her no, will stop her from this childish behavior. And, your kids will get over it. You may have to plan something really fun with them yourself to help everyone get past it, but you need to be strong and stand up to her since your ex won't.

Be strong, you can do it and your kids will still love you and you can plan something special and fun too.

Best,
S.