Help moms! While I was driving the other day I heard my 4 year old daughter grunting in her car seat. I asked if she was ok. She just said mom I need that feeling. I just let it go. A few days later driving home from daycare she would not let ne urn lick her from her car seat. She was red in the ace and pushing against her buckle between her legs. Yes I know now what she was doing.
My husband had a talk with her that she needs to get that "special feeling" not in front of her family. Well today on our way home from daycare I heard the grunting. I could not get her our of her car seat until she was done. The car seat is the only time she does this. Please help me!!!!!
.... in addition to what everyone else said here, if she is 4 and she weighs 40 pounds or more, she can be in a Booster, seat.
First, you should talk to her, not your husband. Second, you need to consistently reinforce that she do this in privacy. She's four, not two, and she has the ability to grasp this concept if you take the time to talk to her about it in a way that is not shaming.
Finally, why couldn't you get her out? is she bigger than you? You can stop her from doing this in front of you by simply taking control of the situation and talking to her, tell her to stop and remove her from the car. There's no reason you should be made to wait until she is "done". Then you take her inside and tell her again that she is not allowed to do this in public. Be consistent, be understanding, but be firm about the rules. Don't over react, it's normal, but some children don't "get" the privacy part right away.
The way I see it there is really one main issue here and that is the issue of time and place. If you have not already done so, you need to be having the conversation with your daughter about private parts....and how privates stay private. This includes looking at, touching, rubbing, etc. I'm glad that someone had the conversation with her (and at this age, I think it's perfectly fine that dad had that conversation), but as she gets older you will probably want to be the one having that conversation with her, because you are her mom (an adult female role model).
More than anything, I just really want to caution you on how you react to this. She will be picking up on your subconscious cues and non-verbal expressions. I strongly believe that our society has very archaic and biased beliefs about what is acceptable for a girl vs. a boy. We think nothing of a boy masturbating, but when a girl does it, then shame, shame. While it was never discussed in my house growing up, for whatever reason, I grew up with the subconscious belief that it was wrong, 'dirty,' etc. for a girl to touch down there/experience this....and I grew up in a pretty good family! Your daughter has managed to figure out something that took me many years into my marriage to figure out...that 'special feeling.' Please don't make her feel ashamed about it in any way. Just really emphasize that there is a time and place for her to do that. It's OK to do that in your bedroom when you are alone. It's perfectly normal for that to feel good. However, just like we don't pee/poop/bathe in front of other people, we don't rub/touch ourselves in our privates in front of people (not just family, by the way!)...even if it feels really good.
You need to have a talk with her. Tell her that her feelings and desire is completely normal, but that it has to be done in private. If she does it in the car again remind her that it is only for private, and unbuckle her seat as soon as you get home even if she says no. Just keep reminding her that this is normal but private behavior.
good for your husband! i think it's absolutely appropriate for her dad to have that sensible, no drama conversation with her. i hope you are too.
if you hear the 'sound' tell her firmly 'petunia, it sounds to me as if you're masturbating again. not in the car, please! only in your room, in private.'
be firm and no-nonsense.
khairete
S.
loosen the belt a bit?
talk to the daycare teachers, are you sure that's the only time?
Leave off the baths and bubble baths and push liquids just incase she has any sort of infection.
I wouldn't freak out but I wouldn't allow it either,
EVen if she isn't done she gets unbuckled and taken out -- the child is 4! that's usually still small enough to pick up and move on.
Great advice already, but...hmmmm....just got me thinking about perhaps moving her carseat to her bedroom?
This will pass. Be calm and firm and carry on.
It's a phase. Our daughter went through it, too. And you know what? She discovered it around 1 year old sitting in her high chair. Yeah, right in front of my parents. Oy, that was fun. At any rate, I ignored it in the car and told her "we don't do that in public" when she was in the shopping cart. I had a super uncomfortable incident at a checkout counter in Target once. The checker looks at my daughter (doing it, unbeknownst to me) and says, "Is she ... ???" I gave the idjit my most withering look, raised my eyebrow and said, "What do YOU think?" And quickly got outta dodge.
