My daughter is a brownie and me and another mom were asked to completely put together an event for our troop. That was a couple months ago so more than ample time. I began doing things on the list, hoping that the other mom would pick a few things herself. That hasn't happened. We even had a get-together planned that she cancelled because an opportunity to have fun came up for her. Problem is, we are rapidly running out of time and weekends.
I don't want to do it all but feel she has delegated to me everything because she hasn't stepped up to do anything. I don't want to complain but she has known about this as long as me. Do I just complete the project without her? Do I call her and give her a task? I don't like to boss people. Or do I stop sniffling and pray she does something, anything?
@Leigh. Oh yes, I'm certain she hasn't done anything because we did chat about it, she admitted she had done nothing. We had a meeting scheduled to do some event planning,which she cancelled, because she had something fun came up. It was at that point I realized this wasn't really a high priority for her, even though she, too, agreed to be in it with me.
Asking for help is not being Bossy.
Saying, I am worried about finishing this project for the girls. I can tell you are busy. We only have (so many) days.. If you are not going to be able to help, just let me know and I can do this myself or find someone else. Thanks.
"So I've done x, y and z. Do you want to finish up a, b, c?" Please value your time and do not offer to finish it. Or, have a joint meeting with the two of you and the troop leader. Do not go behind her back. Just get a feel for where she is in her doing/thinking about the project and divide from there. She may be a last minute person and may work well in that situation.
And BTW, I'm not a last minute person so this would drive me crazy too: )
Are you the troop leader? If not, you should go to the leader and tell her that you need someone else to help you. I am a leader and I can tell you that in my troop we never asked parents to organize events. We sometimes ask them to help us when WE are organizing, but usually it's only very minimal help. The leaders are really the ones who should be doing this not the parents.
You need to call her and tell her you are not doing it all, and set up a time to meet to divide tasks. If you let her walk all over you, she will.
I am a leader and if the leader put the two of you in charge of this event. then you have one of two possibly three options.
1. Tell the other mom you need her to complete the following tasks, don't ask her what she wants to do, tell her, here are the items left to complete and you need to do these. And hope she does it.
2. Do them yourself and know that when the girls have a good time, you are the reason for that good time.
3. Talk to the leader, tell her you need more help.
In our troop, we do have a lot of parent involvement, and willingness to help. I am usually the second person on the "committee", so I know things get done. But I do delegate events and activities to parents.
I would say call her and ask her what she is going to do and when she says she can't do anything then suggest you get someone else.
Or give her a list of things to do and a deadline, like "HI, I need you to do these things by Friday for the event coming up. Will you do them?"
This way she can say she doesn't have time or can't or will. Make sure it leaves you with plenty of time to get some other mom to do them though. It's basically a test to see if she will do what she says. If not, don't look back, the girls deserve better.
She's obviously not the mom for this job and would probably love to get out of the obligation. Is there any way of reaching out to some of the other moms to see if they might actually want to help you out?
Been there!!! I would contact the mom that's supposed to be helping and ask what she's done so far. That might put her on the spot just enough to get her butt in gear! If she hasn't done anything yet then I would just proceed on my own but in the mean time I would definitely let the Troop Leader know what's going on. I have been in this position and just done the tasks all by myself because I got tired of relying on other people. Sometimes they are quick to volunteer for something because it makes them look good but then so many times they quit before the task is finished. Therefore, I no longer set my expectations very high for others that way I'm not too disappointed when they've failed!! Good luck!!
Sigh..this always seems to happen with group projects....and not just with Mom stuff. I encounter this at work all of the time...getting stuck with stuff because people know that you will do it. My advice is to accept a project knowing that you will be doing the Lion's share of the work. If you cannot accept it under those terms, then just don't get involved. Then if someone actually does step up and help, then it is just a bonus for you....
This is NOT the answer you want or any of the other moms want. But I have been a brownie mom (and a home room mom, and a church school mom) SO many times and if you get hooked up with someone that does not want to help, just do it all yourself. Sorry:) I have done that too many times to count. I have 5 kids. Just do it for the kids, and forget it other wise if other parents are not "involved"! I always do volunteer to be the "lead" because I know that the "helpers" usually back out. I am in in for my kids :) I want to help my kids!!! And I work full time too.
I have been in that situation many times. I just started doing everything myself. I am a stay at home mom so I was able to fit that in to my schedule. I was in situations where I counted on another mom and she didn't come through and I was embarrassed. I would rather do the extra work and have it done right. That is what worked for me. I am not saying it was the right thing to do. Good luck with your meeting.
CAlll her up ask her to do soem spefic things, hopefully thing something that wont totally make or break it. The other thing is do a send out to the entire troop. You can do it yourself if you do not mind. Which might be best, but I just hate shirkers in scouting.
Yep, in scouinjt a few do the most, seriously I am bit releived my son dropped out of scouting, so much less work for me. But I did and wouldo it again, with anything that maek his expereince better.
This is why I avoid stuff like this as though it were the plague. Unless I know and can depend on team members, things like this always happen. As the saying goes, that dog won't hunt... Can't make the woman pull her weight, so don't make her lack of gumption be an ocassion of embarassment and stress for you when she ignores your plea and doesn't do anything you ask either in writing or on the phone. She's made it pretty clear, she's out of it and leaving you with the steaming bag of ..
Your best bet is to chin up and just get it done yourself, and eat humble pie. Just remember, you're ultimately doing this for your daughter, so you wouldn't want to do anything to ruin the Brownie experience for her. Confronting the other woman isn't worth it. Just totally cut her out of the picture, and if necessary find someone else in the group who will help you to get the job done. Hopefully the other moms will hear your cry and come to the rescue and at the very least, cut you some slack.
After the event passes, make sure you don't get sucked into something like that again. At least now you can say you paid your dues and bow out guilt free if someone tries to delegate an event to you in the future.
ask some other brownie moms for help. I'm sure some would be more than willing to help a little. Too bad you can't count on the other mom that signed up.
From the postiing you wrote, you and she seem never to have discussed who would do what and by what dates. Good lesson for next time: Meet at the very start, assign who does what at the very start, and tell the troop leader who is doing what. For now, you need to phone her today and say you have done the following things XYZ, and the remaining ones on the list -- which she has, remind her of that -- are hers to do by a certain date. But don't let her have until the date of the event to do her part, or you will find that event day arrives and you have disappointed girls and a ticked-off leader because she may well turn up having done nothing at all. If she is balky and makes excuses, just be up front: "I'm sorry we didn't get together at the start, but the event date is X and we have joint responsibility for giving our girls an event that will not disappoint them. We've known about this since (date). I have already done these things -- will you do these others by day X (NOT the event date!!) or not? Because if you can't, I cannot either, and we will have to let the leader know the situation."
One thing you may run into: You say you "began doing things on the list, hoping that the other mom would pick a few things herself." You say "that hasn't happened" but are you certain? I'd be worried that maybe she was operating on her own-- as frankly you are already doing yourself -- and SHE may have picked items to do that you have already done! Duplicating effort is a total waste of time for both of you. You and she need to confer immediately to ensure she isn't doing what you've already done, and/or to ensure that she does something toward her obligation.
She may be a last-second kind of person. That doesn't work for you or for me either, and with folks like that you really, really have to communicate both verbally and in writing -- e-mails are a great trail for you to say later, "I told you in that e-mail on this date that I was doing X and Y, and I have your reply here from (date) that you would be doing A and B. Is that done yet?"
You and she haven't communicated and -- to be frank -- that is really on your head as much as on hers. You "don't like to boss people" but it is not bossing people to keep them to their obligations. Remind her that this for the GIRLS, and they will be let down if there isn't an event or if it's badly planned.
