Gift Ideas - Murfreesboro, TN

How about flowers? You can make them as mushy as you want or as plain. They can be a great bridge builder without sending to much inflection. Talk with a florist and they can steer you into which flowers will relay what you are tring to say.

You mentioned books, have you thought about any of the Chicken Soup books? Sometimes something along those lines can be healing without being suggestive.

I suggest an recent picture of your family or even just your kids. That would make her happy and it would be a reminder that she is a grandmother and what she is missing out on.

I am a mother to 3 grown. When my DIL and I had a rift for awhile, they sent nice bday and m day cards.
I had some hard times with my mom over the years too. I always tried to call on the important days, and send cards, nothing ever that said, you have been our rock, or you have been the best mother, but, just nice mothers day cards, like, for a special person. Enclose a gift cerf for a restaurant in her area. Send a card from the kids with a pic of them. Hopefully things will work out. If not, you are doing the right thing by remembering.

W., Trouble between a mother and child is one of the most painful things anyone can go through. It would be so easy to use the idea of a mothers day gift to suggest to your mom that she needs help. I would suggest however that you simply send a small but thoughtful gift. It will speak volumes, without saying a word. A simple snapshot of you and your children in a card from the kids, might send the appropriate message.

God bless you, M.

how about sending some spring flowers. send a note to her saying happy mothers day signed you name and leave it at that. she may or may not thank you. sorry for your strained relationship. my mother is my best friend. R.

Hi W., I think I responded to your mom post. I hope taking a break has helped your mentality. You haven't divorced her, only taken a necessary break it sounds like. As for a gift, my rule of thumb is take the drama out of it and do what you would normally do. Think in normal terms. Take a bit of the high road and don't let a rift sway what you would do in normal circumstances (except maybe spend the weekend together, etc). I never think it's the what but the how. Even just a nice card that says the right thing (they're out there but maybe a bit hard to find right now). Or something very small that is thoughtful, a small bottle of her favorite lotion, a small GC to her favorite pedicure place, just something that says you know what's important to her. I think you're right for acknowledging M. Day. Good luck... : )

Hi W.. I am actually in the same type of situation, only I haven't spoken to my mother in about 5 years. I know how hard it can be to decide what to do for holidays. With my mom, I have typically sent something from my 2 year old daughter, but did not send anything before she was born, and the gift is usually a card. If my mom sends a birthday gift or Christmas gift (hit or miss with her) I send a thank you note from my daughter (I know she can't write yet but it's written from her point of view). I am personally not ready to speak to my mom but do feel it's important to at least send thank you's and the occasional card. My advice would be to start with a card, because you can definitely find a Hallmark card that says what you need to say without being too mushy. Good luck, and I hope you find the healing you two need when the time is right.

W., I missed the first part of your story, so I don't know what she did to make you so angry - so please forgive me if she did something unforgivable. However, if what she did was not unforgivable, the best gift you could give her is to write a letter or give her a phone call telling her that even though you are still angry, you still love her, and you hope you can both take steps toward healing this rift. Ask yourself this: If my mother suddenly died tomorrow, how would I feel about not having spoken to her for 3 months? A friend of mine lost her mother unexpectedly and told me words I won't soon forget - no matter the relationship you have with your mother, you will still be devastated by her death. My advice may sound dramatic, but it could happen to any of us at any time. Good luck with whatever gift you choose!

I wouldn't send a card from the kids. If they don't have a relationship with her, why pretend that they do? Besides, it's mother's day not grandmother's day, and if your mom is not a mother-figure for them, I don't see why a card should come from them. However, I do think a card from you would be the best idea--no gift, no mother-daughter book, just a card. It doesn't even have to be a formal mother's day card; it could be a simple thinking-of-you card if you can't find a mother's day card that suits your situation and feelings. And I think including a picture of you and your kids, like another person suggested, is a great idea. Maybe seeing you with your kids will remind your mom of the relationship she should have with you--maybe not. But at any rate it will be a reminder that you guys are still around should she ever decide to turn over a new leaf.

Hi, W.. How about just a nice picture frame with a picture of your kids, her grandchildren, inside? This is simple and non-suggestive but may make her think about what she is missing. It also is not a huge investment for a nice gift. Just a thought - hope it helps.

W.,

I missed your initial post as well, but can identify with strained relationships with Mother. I've finally gotten to where my mother and I have no relationship at all (she's not well mentally, and can be very cruel and vindictive). Prior to the breaking point, however, I did acknowledge her birthday and Mother's Day with something: a card (so hard to find one that's not mushy...but they're there) and usually her favorite flowers, daisies, on Mother's Day. And I always had the kids make her something -- last year, they made her handprints and I framed them for her. I always hoped that those things would help heal the relationship -- but she always said something like, What is this for? Oh, Mother's Day, big deal -- and this will be the first year I don't put myself through that ordeal. I hope that you do 'take the high road': even though my mom didn't appreciate my efforts, I felt at peace with myself knowing I'd done the right thing. Hope this helps and good luck.

Hi, W.! I know your pain and what you are going through. I have not spoken to either parent in a long time. They divorced when I was young and I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in 15 years. My father lives in the same town as we do and I have not had a relationship with him in over 8 years. I did see him just recently at my grandfather's funeral and we didn't even speak. I totally understand about not having any stress in your life because of this. If you feel it necessary to send something, then by all means send something. I don't because I know how my dad is. I know how he treated me growing up with lies and deceit and I didn't want my kids to have to deal with that also. I may have sent cards from the kids for a while, but when they didn't get any gifts for christmas or birthdays, I quit. If you feel the need to, just send a card with a gift certificate of some sort like to her favorite grocery store or a massage or something. I have found that giving people books to read to better themselves never happens because they don't read them. I think that when they are ready to change and most people are never ready to, they will find a book to read themselves. Good luck and stay strong!

I think a plant is a nice gesture as it is a living, growing thing that does need some nurturing. Only if she likes that sort of thing. ( : Otherwise, how about a baked item with the kids helping, of course. It shows you took time and energy and thought.

Good luck!

You and I spoke before and I know exactly how you feel, we've been conditioned to do the "right" thing. Hopefully during these past 3 months you've gotten to feel better and stronger without the negative pressure and you know what (if any) kind of relationship you want with/from her.

Cards from grandkids are fine but don't do anything that doesn't feel genuine... there are plenty of cards that say Happy Mother's Day without a lot of fake mushy sentiment. If you want to send something, how about a plant... it will continue to grow... hopefully a reminder that like plants, people grow... though a rose won't change into a gardenia no matter how much you want it to.

Be strong and remember, love and respect go both ways. Don't let anyone mistreat you or tell you that you have to act/do something just because... It is what it is...

My name is B.,and although i don't know your story.i have to share something with you my mother and i did not get along at all, it is a very long story,so for christmas 2007 i decided the best gift to give to my mother was nothing not even a phone call, i was so proud of myself for not giving in to her hateful words and so on. I finally went to see her in january and it was short and okay.the point to my story is my mom had a simple surgery in may that i thought she probably didnt even need,but to my surprise she ended up on life support for 3 months i stayed with her throughout the whole thing.i miss her very much and i realized my mother loved me and wanted my time which i never had for her so she lashed out in mean ways.please give her time your even if it is miserable it may make her happy to just sit with you. The gifts i gave my mother mean nothing now but those three months were the best it educated me that my mom wanted my time. Your friend B.

W.,
Sorry things aren't the way you want them to be. As far as the gift goes, it's important that it's from the heart. Mother's Day is a day we celebrate our mothers, remembering not only the happy times, but the ways our mothers made a difference in our lives. This is not the time to suggest she 'think about what she has done' wrong. That would be inappropriate. I suggest you talk to her now and clear the air. After all, we're not promised tomorrow.
Of course, the kids should make cards for their grandma. That's an excellent idea! Maybe you would consider a sort of scrapbook project for her. I found some really cool ones already designed (since I have not 1 creative bone in my body!) over at the Family Christian store. This would be fun to put together. Searching through pictures of good times to add to it may be just what you need. Our time on Earth is short to waste being angry at the ones we love. I hope everything works out for you both. God bless!

W.,
I remember your initial post about your mother. Days like mother's day and father's day are tough when you are estranged from a parent. My opinion is that if you are only going to send her something to try and make her regret or reflect on her treatment of you, then you are wasting time and energy. If you are really meaning to cut ties, you have to do just that, even as hard as it is. It doesn't make you heartless, it will just help you heal in the long run. I know you said that you are not the type do nothing, so send an all of us card from the kids. If you have to send her something, I would just send a card with the expectation that nothing may happen in return. This way you are not setting yourself up for disappointment. Be strong and take care.