Getting to Sleep by Himself...

I don't feel like you're setting yourself or your son up for anything bad by helping him get to sleep. By helping him fall asleep, you're teaching him that it's a pleasant thing to do. Forcing him to figure it out on his own & cry himself to sleep will eventually get him to give up looking for help & fall asleep, but is that what you want him to be feeling? Nurturing a child to sleep definitely does not mean they'll be dependent on you forever for sleep.

My 8 year old was cuddled to sleep every night for the first three years of her life. My 3 1/2 year old was nursed/cuddled to sleep until she was almost three and sometimes still is. Both sleep well through the night & have no issues with being unable to function independently where & when necessary. They're even homeschooled, but are somehow turning out to be pretty cool kids. ;) The 8 year old recently went into a gym full of children she'd never met (for our homeschool co-op) & told me she'd introduce herself & I could leave. My eleven month old is nursed to sleep and is also showing signs of turning out pretty well herself.

So, yeah, I think what you're doing is fine as long as you're cool with it. Totally enjoy the cuddles. If you're ready to get him to start sleeping without you for your own sanity, I'd recommend going slowly. Nurse him until he's almost asleep then put him in bed & sit next to him until he's out. After he gets good with this, move to standing by the door after putting him in bed; then outside of the room & checking in often. It may take awhile, but he'll get it.

If, though, you like the cuddles & the nighttime routine you've got going on, don't worry about it. Don't change it. Have faith that he'll get it when he's ready & despite the horror stories some will tell, it's FINE to do what you're doing. You're a great momma for giving him what he's telling you he needs. :)

When my daughter was about your son's age, I decided she was ready to fall asleep on her own. We used to read to her until she was asleep or almost asleep and then slip her into bed and sneak out of her room. Some nights it took 20 minutes other nights it took 2 hours. A couple of days before I changed the routine, I told my daughter that I thought it was time for her to fall asleep on her own and asked her if she'd like to listen to music to help her fall asleep. She was interested but a little unsure. After we read a set number of books, usually 2 or 3, she climbs into bed and turns on her CD player with quiet lullaby-like music. My husband or I tuck her in, sometimes staying for one song, and leave while she is still awake but very calm. The first night she cried off and on for fewer than 30 minutes. I went back to her room every few minutes to reassure her but never got her back out of bed. The next night, she didn't cry and has been going to sleep on her own since. Bedtime now lasts between 10 and 30 minutes.

I'd check out some books on the subject to get different perspectives. I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and it was the most fantastic thing I did for my boys (and myself) when they were little. They both started learning to fall asleep on their own at 4 months. I nursed them until they were both one, but it didn't always put them to sleep so they learned other ways. You may not agree w/the method in this particular book so that's why I say check out a few and see what works best for you. I've just never had a sleeping issue with my boys and they are now 4 and 5. We still do a whole routine (sometimes visiting for up to an hour, sometimes 30 min) at night with reading, chatting, etc. so it's not at all like we just stick them in their room and close the door. I've done a whole routine since 4 mos...before that I did whatever it took to get some sleep :). It really won't fix itself and little ones won't establish good sleeping pattern without your help...the earlier the better. Just decide on something and be consistent....you're not being mean, you're helping them learn something new. Good luck!