Getting Pregnant Blues

I've been there. Have you gone to see a fertility specialist? Dr. Slayton in Gwinett is really good. He found the problem fixed it and now I have a 3 and 4 year old.:-)

Scott Slayden, MD
1150 Lake Hearn Dr NE # 400
Atlanta , Georgia 30342
###-###-####

Hi C.! I am not an expert by any means, however, I have done quiet a bit of reasearch on this subject and many women I have spoken with or read about have tried a "detox" program to get rid of all chemicals/preservatives from their body. Believe it or not, simple things like diet sodas ( and reg. for that matter) processed foods, refined sugar and other things can make it harder to concieve a baby. Summer is a great time to try this, with all of the fresh fruit and vegetables available. I am in the fitness/nutrition business and really believe there is something to this. Just a thought. If you have any questions about what you should do if you choose to try this, please don't hesitate to contact me. I have done it, its not that hard and I got pregnant fairly quickly. Best of luck!!
J.

I had a hard time getting pregnant too. My doctor said we were not to worry or try any fertility treatments until we were actively trying for 1 year. I did all of the ovulation tests and calender counts for 6 months with no results the 7th month we were so busy and didn't pay attention to anything and I got pregnant. Good luck and don't give up hope it will happen. I know its frustrating, I have been there. It seems like when people don't want to get pregnant they do and when you really want to you don't. So I believe it is partly a mental thing and you should try to relax.

One of my very best friends went through this. Her doctors were dumbfounded, because it didn't appear that she was ovulating, but her menstrual cycle was normal. She was trying to get pregnant for almost a year before she
(accidentally) discovered she ovulates very late in her cycle. She and her husband couldn't use the conventional schedules to figure out when she was ovulating. Once they discovered this, and with the help of some drug store ovulation tests, they were pregnant within two months. Maybe it is something as simple as that for you, too. And, if you haven't already, check out some of the ovulation calendars on the internet. If your ovulation is normal, then they are great for telling you your most fertile days. I hope this helps. Good luck!

My own method that appears to work pretty well...although I have a whole mess of other problems.... Wait one week after your period is finished and just have sex for fun. The next two weeks have sex every day before bed. Do not go to the bathroom or stand up. Go to bed laying on your back:) Good luck!

I have four children and the best way to have kids is not stress about it. The more you try the less it will happen the best thing to do is see if not worry abot it and just take one day at a time does not give you the baby you want. If it does not happening for a year or more maybe see a doctor and make sure their is no medical problem that causing you to get pregnant.

Are you having regular periods? If not, that would be a big sign that you are not ovulating. Also, how old are you? Your fertility really declines as you age. I have gone through fertility treatments. Both of my boys are IVF (and I have and adopted daughter). You can email me with more info if you want. Don't hesitate to talk to your doctor if it makes you feel better. Also, look into IVF.com. They are a fertility clinic in Atlanta (they are great) and they have a great website that you can look up info on. It is probably nothing, but it is good to have info. Good luck!

Also, not thinking about it and relaxing does not help if you have an acutal fertility issue. Relaxing doesn't cause ovulation. I don't mean to come off the wrong way, but it is important to get medical advise if this is something that concerns you. Time is not always in your favor. Again, good luck. I know how frustrating this can be.
M.

My advice. Stop actually trying. the stress of "trying" could be doing more harm than good. Just relax and enjoy each other. You got pregnant with your son by not trying. It might work again.

One more month and doctors will help you. They ask that you try for 6mos before they step in to help. It took me 2 years to get pregnant with my son. I learned about natural progesterone and used that to get pregnant this time. You would need to get ovulation testers at a drug store too to see if/when you are ovulating. I have specific instructions on what to do if you are interested in trying this method. This works for women who don't ovulate regularly (like with PCOS) or have fibroids etc. It took me 3 months to get pregnant this time and that is the average time frame with everyone who has tried this method. Most get pregnant in the 3rd or 4th month.

C.
www.purelybalanced.com

Well, it depends on how old you are as to what your doctor will say. If you're over 35, most of them will do some tests and try to find out if there is a problem after 6 months of you trying, but if you're younger, a lot of doctors say it can take a year. You just need to call yours at the 6 month mark and see what they say. For some reason it seems to take a lot of people much longer the second time around. Don't be discouraged, but I know couples who have tried for over a year when their first only took a month or two -or was a surprise. Everyone eventually had another baby though! Good luck with everything!

You could see the doctor, but they will probably ask you to test for ovulation. You might as well go ahead and do it yourself- there's a kit at any pharmacy displayed next to the pregnancy tests. It's easy, like taking a pregnancy test.

If you want to be a little more scientific about tracking your ovulation without the kit, do some research on tracking your basal body temperature (do a google search).

Buy an ovulation predictor kit, or start taking your basal body temp. to see if you're ovulating. Usually they say after six months of trying unsuccessfully make sure you are ovulating. Good luck! D. D

I don't know from experience how you feel so I won't give u any advice regarding how you might feel.I got pregnant with my first after hardly even trying after a couple of weeks and with my second my husband did it on whim as a birthday gift for himself and 10 days later my second was concieved.But I say go buy an ovulation kit,have sex on those days especially and try to enjoy the sex part of it rather than just focusing on getting pregnant.I don't know if positions help and I don't want to get graphic or offend anyone but the 2 positons that got both my children were me on top and doggy style.That was hard to type here but some people believe positions help so I just wanted to offer up the 2 that helped me concieve my boys.When I got preg. with my second I told the doctor I hoped it was a girl.She asked me if I had shaken him up before sex,after a brief moment of confusion sh said that girls fall to he bottom while boys float so I knew then the chances of me having a girl were slim hahaha.

Hey C.! Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. Since I don't know much about your medical background, ask your dr if it's possible that you have PCOS. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome...I have it...and I know you can have a hard time getting pregnant. My dr decided to prescribe metformin for me which she claims makes you extremely fertile...so she told me to use condoms if we weren't trying to have a baby. I've also heard of women taking clomid along with metformin to increase fertility. Good Luck to you! Sending baby dust your way *********

The book is "Taking Charge of your Fertility". It is excellent. Instead of merely relying on ovulation strips.... you know better after learning your body. The very best of luck.. my hubby and I are going to be trying again in a couple months, and it makes me nervous worrying about it!

If you feel you should go to the doctor, go to the doctor. The one that I am currently pregnant with took us 2 years to get pregnant. But then, I will be 40yo this year....so it is getting harder for me to get pregnant.

I would go to the doc and talk to him about it.

I won't say "don't think about it" but I will say I have several friends who tried for a longer than five months before it happened, when there was nothing "wrong". Have you tried one of those over-the-counter ovulation predictors? Can't hurt to call the doc. He/she can at least tell you how long you should give it before wanting to see you. Good luck.

Hi C.,
i am so sorry you are having such a hard time. It is impossible not to think about it. I understand from experience. It took me and my husband 10 months to concieve our second child after an unplanned pregnancy 3 yrs earlier. You could go see your doctor, but from experience most do not consider you inferital until 1 year of unprotected intercourse and no conception. I would suggest getting an ovulation kit to determine if you are ovulating regularly and when. From experience if you have a fairly regular 28 day cycle then you should ovulate between day 11-18 and would be most fertile then. Also we were told we were having intercourse to regularly and told to cut it down to every other day except during days 11-18. I hope this helps and good luck. Just as a side start taking the folic acid now.
M.

Hi C.,

I truly know how you feel. When I got pregnant with my daughter I had only been off BC a few weeks and boom...pregnany. When my husband and I decided to try for the second one I became totally frustrated. It took us over a year and a half to get pregnant again, talk about frustration. I spent a small fortune on ovulation kits, which in my opinion were very over-priced and were not acurate unless you actually ovulated around day 14, which I didn't, but I did not know that at the time. Many moms recommended the book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It teaches you how to chart you BBT (Basal Body Temperature) and how to look for the other signs you are ovulating. It was the best $20 I spent, I know I spent probably 5 times as much on ovulation kits. After charting my cycle for about 3 months, boom I was pregnant. It turned out that we were trying on all the wrong days. Many websites and doctors automatically assume you ovulate on day 14, but that is really not the case. The book looks like long read, but it was a pretty quick read for me, maybe a little over a week. Also check out www.fertilityfriend.com, it is a free website that will help you chart your cycle. I used it in addition to the software that came with my book just to have something else to base it on.

I really do understand your frustration. My doctor ran test after test and everything came back normal. She didn't want me to start any real fertility testing until we had tried for a year, because as she put it, you could buy an truckload of diapers witht he money we would spend on fertility testing. We had just about decided to spend the money (our insurance wouldn't coer the cost of fertility testing/treatment) when I got pregnant. To make matters worse my sister announced she was pregnant with her third after a little over a year had gone by.

I will definitely not say "don't think about it", but the optimist in me says everything happens for a reason and to just have faith that it will happen when the time is right. For me, that was exactly what happened. I had just gotten a new teaching position and it turns out my due date is 2 days after the last day of school, talk about typing. Looking back, I can honestly see that if I had been pregnant when we started trying my daughter would not have been ready developmentally to accept a sibling. I really wanted my kids 3 years apart. Turns out they will be 3.5 years apart. It is amazing the difference 6 months can mean for a child's maturity and independence. My daughter understands what is going on and has loved being a part of the whole process. She is very excited about being a big sister and all the fun things she'll get to do with her new sister when she arrives.

Sorry for the long post, but just wanted you to know you are not alone. Apparently, according to my OB this (the difficulty of getting pregnant with your 2nd) is more common then most people realize.

I wish you luck and remember, have fun trying :-)

A.

Hi C.,

Pregnancy doesn't just come from you, but also from your husband :) There are also a lot of things that can prevent it. I always recommend getting to a baseline with a good pharmaceutical grade, absorbable multivitamin. (I don't mean a Wal-Mart or a Costco or a GNC vitamin.) If your body is absorbing the nutrition it needs, it will work the way it is supposed to. You and your husband both need to be on one and dodge pharmaceuticals and processed foods that are so full of chemicals they mess with EVERYTHING in your system. If you are both healthy, in child bearing years, and you've already had a successful pregnancy, it shouldn't be too long before you become pregnant.

I speak to groups regularly on the immune system and how it breaks down and would love to help if I can. God bless and let me know if you would like more information.

Regards,

M.

Hi C.,
I also had trouble getting pregnant the 2nd time around. We tried for almost 2 years, and during this time I had 2 miscarriages. It was a combo of having a hard time getting pregnant and staying pregnant. So my OB suggested to talk to a fertility doctor. I would highly recommend seeing one in a few months if you still are not pregnant. They can run tests that your OB cannot to rule out numerous things that could be affecting you or your spouse. It turned out in my case, I had a clotting disorder that everytime I would get pregnant, my body would attack the fetus as if it was something bad, which then resulted in miscarriages. I didn't have this with my 1st pregnancy. I went through In-uterine insemination with the fertility doctors and got pregnant the first time. I had to take shots of Heparin for the clotting disorder my entire pregnancy to trick my body into thinking this fetus was not something bad. We now have a healthy, happy baby boy and I believe that he wouldn't be here if I had not gone. I can give you the name of the practice and doctor if you like. It could be that you just need to try a bit longer - a lot of my friends had a harder time getting pregnant the 2nd time, but it could be something else. Don't wait as long as I did! It gets too frustrating!

Good luck and I'll be thinking of you!
P.

Hi C., You can visit babycenter.com. They have an ovulation calculator that tells you when the best days are in your cycle to get pregnant. Hopefully it is helpful. Best of luck to you.

Hi C.,
When I was 22 I was told I had a very rare problem and I would never have children. I was literally losing a good percentage of my uterus evey time I had my period; within a year there was going to be nothing left. I was beside myself. I was just starting graduate school and did not plan on children then but I certainly wanted them later. I went through 5 different specailists and they all said the same. I decided this was not going to happen to me and I wanted my child, it was now or never! I told my chiropractor about this and asked what we could do. He had the answer for me. We got my progestrone and estrogen level tested thru ZRT labs. They are found online by the way and are very inexpensive. My progestrone levels are extremely low. You will not get pregnant and support the pregnancy if this hormone is not where it should be. I started on natural progestrone cream by KAL. Prior to this, my husband and I had tried for 6 months with no success. After a month on the cream, I was pregnant. The so called specialists whom never once wanted to test my hormones, said I would loose the baby at the rate my uterus was shedding. Well, they were wrong. I continued to use the cream until 32 weeks with the advice of my midwife and continued to get adjusted by the chiroprator every week to allow full blood flow to the baby. My pregnancy was wonderful, really a breeze:) She was born in 2004 and is now 3.5yrs old. Best of luck to you. I know how frustrating this can be, dont be afraid to try a chiropractor. I would not have my child if I didn't. You can also try keeping your hips elevated overnight after the deposit. Only helps it travel down more:)
Many blessings,
Jamie

To be completely honest, what you are hearing is true but is hard I know. My husband and I tried for over a year to get pregnant, but he had a negative outlook on us getting pregnant and as soon as he changed his thoughts we got pregnant. Now I will say the same time we he had a change in attitude we were also through a summer pool part, had a few drinks, and two weeks later found out I was pregnant. Just relax and enjoy life and everything will work out the way you have planned=)

Go to yourdays.com. It's an ovulation predictor and gives you all sorts of information about different methods of finding your fertile days and is a great resource!!!

BTW, I've been trying for even longer than you -- man, it's frustrating to get your period when you're trying to get pregnant! Still, it'll happen. We each already have a child so we know our bodies CAN get pregnant! It'll happen!

I found this website when I was trying to get pregnant with my son www.fertilityfriend.com, which helps you track ovulation and its based on taking your basal temperature every morning and plotting it on the site. Many women out there go thru this. Most docs want you to try on your own for a year. After a year and a half my husband and I went on a cruise and was all relaxed and bam weeks later I was pregnant. Of course you can't not think about it but you have to make sure it doesnt take over you or stress you out. Once I relaxed about the situation thinking, it will happen when its meant to be, then my baby was conceived. I will always envy people who get pregnant when they WANT but I am very thankful for my healthy baby boy. If you feel like you need to see a doc find a fertility specialist and get yourself and your hubby checked. Not sure where you are located but at the Gwinnett Hospital is Dr Slayden who is a specialist and a friend of mine got prego twice under his care thru invitro. Good Luck

Hi C.,
I am actually going through the same thing! I have a three year old daughter and have currently been trying to get pregnant again for four months. It took me all of TWO weeks to get pregnant with my daughter!
I am a nurse practitioner with some OB experience...medically, I do know that when you are ovulating, your "core" body temperature is elevated...you may want to take your body temperature during your period (the time when you are definitely not ovulating) and then monitor your body temperature starting about 10 days later. Most people ovulate about 10-16 days after the first day of when their period begins. So, if your normal temp is 98.0 and 12 days later it goes up to 99.5, you may be ovulating. Also, there are great "ovulation" kits at the drug stores that work the same way as pregnancy tests...you urinate on the stick and they will respond positive or negative...however, they are pretty pricey.

Otherwise, I would also recommend not stressing out too much..stress releases more norephenephrine into the body...a hormone that can affect ovulation. I know that doesn't help much when that is what you think about every month!!

Hope that helps a little...I really wouldn't think that anything is wrong (ie. a doctor appt) until up to about 2 years after you have been trying...sometimes it just takes a while....I feel your stress too!!! Good luck!!

K.

Try having sex every other day in the morning. We tried for 9 months with my first with no success and then did the every other day thing and got pregnant the first month. With my second we tried for about 3 months and on the 4th month we did the every other day thing and got pregnant then. Good luck.

Get a basal thermometer and take your temperature each morning before getting out of bed. When your temperature rises just the slightest amount, you are ovulating.

The best day to try to conceive is 14 days after the 1st day of your last period. I know its hard not to think about it but it is true. The stress of trying can make it much harder to conceive. A close friend of mine tried for a couple of years but when she decided to go back to school and stopped trying she got pregnant. Good Luck:)

Take it one day at a time, pray about it and it will happen before you know it! Take care and I wish you and your husband well because I know by experience it can happen before you know it.

Dietary changes can make differences in fertility, especially if you've not investigated more invasive options. There are nutritional studies that have shown decreased fertility in small lab animals after just 2 to 3 generations of poor nutrition...and of course, the American diet is not known for its nutritional aspects, only for its high fat/carb/proccessed content. If you're not already looking into eating more unproccessed, raw foods, then maybe consider incorporating those (and other) changes. A good resource--www.mercola.com and of course the www.pubmed.org, which publishes abstract on the above mentioned studies. I work for an OB/Gyn, and also see patients on Clomid, their partners undergoing semen analysis, couples doing GIFT, and IVF (all very expensive),ect. But it always seems to me that natural is better, if you can achieve it that way. Good luck!

Do the Basal Body Temp chart. ( you could even call the dr's office and they will provide it, or web MD may have one printable) calling the DR, is always good, personally I have found that going in and telling them your not pregnant, they will hand you a chart and tell you to start taking your temp and to do this for 6 months. any how by doing the chart you have the first step, the doctor will have you do, out of the way. I know you have heard this, it takes the average couple a year...... I personally found that is is in Gods hands and he does have a sense of humor. I am currently 42 and my oldest is now in Kindergarten. Most of my best friends are grandparents or about to be!

God I hate for ANY woman to go through this. I've had family members within my family who have gone through what you have. You can have a perfectly great pregnancy the first time, but not the second. Every pregnancy is not the same! My cousin was trying for months and later went to her OB/GYN and found out the 2nd time she had secondary infertility and she had a great pregnancy with no problems the first time. So I would REALLY advice you to go see your OB/GYN. They can even refer you to a specialist if needed. I wish you ALL THE BEST! Don't give up!

I had a really hard time getting pregnant myself. There is over the counter ovualtion predictor kits available. Also, really try to relax, don't get up to go to the bathroom afterwards. Stay off of caffine you and your husband, you can try taking some quafiensen too. There are 6 years between my first two kids and 3 years between my middle and last and I started having kids when I was 20 years old so I knew it wasn't my age so don't give up and pray about it, it will happen as soon as you least expect it. Just have fun trying, but be sure you don't make it a chore to do. Let me know if you want to talk more about it my email addres is ____@____.com

J. P.

Hi. I understand completely what you're going through. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year. The doctor said we most likely weren't pregnant yet due to stress (both him and me)....I'm in a new position at work, he's a manager and works insane hours.... But she said that she wouldn't normally be worried about anything until it had been a year or more of active trying, and even then, it could still be things like stress. So we are still trying, but we're not thinking about it as much.... Obviously, we think about it...but we don't "plan" sex around whatever days I think I'm most fertile. If it happens, it happens. It's taken us a while to get to this point though; I was depressed for a while about not being able to get pregnant, thinking that I was doing something wrong, you know? Like you, we were not trying when we got pregnant with our first child, so it is very frustrating, and upsetting, to not be able to get pregnant that easily the second time. But my husband reassures me (as does my OB/GYN) that it's nothing I'm doing (or not doing), it's just nature. I go for my annual visit in a couple months, so we'll see what she has to say then. Good luck!

Oh sweetie! I feel your pain! My husband and I tried for almost a year before we finally got pregnant with our litle girl. It was an emotional roller coaster every single month. And it's true, everyone just says, "Don't think about it." (The world's most frustrating words!) Here's my advice, for whatever it's worth: First, the company that makes pregnancy tests also makes ovulation predictors. There are two kinds, ones that work in an expensive machine (not recommended) and ones that you pee on and throw away (I recommend these, unless you want to pay the money for the machine.) They tell you when you will be ovulating. Second, make sure hubby is doing his part. No tighty-whiteys, keeping everything cool in that area. There are other things too like cutting back on caeffeine, etc. I think you can find an article or two about this on babycenter.com. Lastly, find out whatever it is that makes you the most relaxed. Take a bath, listening to music, taking a walk, whatever... and do that before you get your groove on. Make sure that you can relax afterward, too, with your pelvis slightly elevated. Don't get up and squench your stomach in any way for a little while (I would guess about 30 minutes). Make hubby do everything you need, put on some music or watch TV and just try to relax. I know what you are going through is very hard, and I will say a prayer for you. Good luck! :)

C.,

There is really only like two days out of the month that you are ovulating and can get pregnant. I would recommend getting an ovulation test kit and then you will know when you are ovulating. Try that first and then speak to your doctor if you are still having problems getting pregnant. We tried for a few months and just like you, I was getting frustrated. I tried the ovulation test and got pregnant the next month and know have a beautiful baby girl. Best of Luck!

M.

Carl H,

Try an over the counter ovulation stick or if you a regular cycle try the Clear Blue Easy Ovulation Kit. The Kit will run you about $100 or more dollars and the ovulation stick about $10.

You will really have to keep track of your periods and note that it is during the last couple of days of your cycle when your window of opportunity is greatest in detecting your peak fertility.

I know all this because I had to go through infertility to get pregnant with my first daughter. With my second daughter, I was a pro at tracking my cycle and I had help from a round of Clomid pills, which is a cheap fertility drug. Best wishes to you.

Staci W

Hey C.! Have you ever tried the temperature method? You take your temperature every morning right when you wake up for one month. Write down each result for that day (a clanendar helps!). The three days you ovulate will be about a few degrees than the rest of the days. This will allow you to calculate when you will ovulate next month. Then you and your husband can plan on trying those three days. I know it works, a good friend of mine used it! This method is also on the internet if you need more information!! Good luck!

C.:
I know how hard it is to "not think about it". THe more you want it and the longer you try, the more you obsess (and the less fun sex is!). It took me a year and a half to get pregnant with my first (and then I had five babies in 7 years). I was so sure we were infertile. Now it's a bit of a joke. Two things: I was on the pill for 6 years before we started trying, which might have affected my getting back to normal ovulation. I did the temperature taking thing twice and obviously wasn't ovulating. Clearly the problem was that my natural cycle was out of whack, and eventually it kicked back in. But, I'm sure that my stressing about it exacerbated the problem. In fact, when I started looking into adoption and put this "getting pregnant" thing aside is when I got pregnant. The problem is, you can't "trick" yourself into not thinking about it (at least I couldn't) and all the things the doctors tell you to do to figure out if something is really wrong just make you obsess more about it. So, I hate to say this, but you just have to stop thinking you're in control of when it will happen. If you've gotten pregnant before, and assuming of course you don't have abnormal periods or endometriosis or something, it should happen. But 5 months is too soon to say anything is really wrong. Good luck, and hang in there and remember my story -- a year and a half, and then 5 kids!
M.

Hey C.,
I went through something similar! So dont think you are the only one! I tried to get pregnant with my son for 6 months. I was trying so hard. I even tried the have sex every other day method. I thought for sure I would get pregnant! But I didn't. I even went to my OB thinking something was wrong. She told me that it takes couples usually avg of 6 months before they finally get pregnant and sometimes longer. She suggested I try 6 more months and see what happens. If I didn't get pregnant then for me to come back and we would talk about fertility treatment. The following month I decided I wasn't going to try for a baby, that I was going to finish school. As soon as I said that, I mean AS SOON AS I said that I got pregnant. As soon as I stopped worrying and stopped trying to track ovulation and etc I got pregnant. I have read that stress and worries make it stressful on your body therefore make it difficult to conceive. So maybe you can try the attitude, if it happens it happens! I know it is very hard! It was all I thought about! Good Luck to you and your husband!

First off - how are you trying? Are you temping? Are you checking your other fertility signs - cervical mucous, cervical position, ovulation kits, etc? If not - I highly recommend starting there before you get too worried. Buy a basal body thermometer and start temping to make sure you are ovulating. In addition, either start checking your cervical mucous, buy and ovulation predictor kit, or get a fertility monitor off of ebay (much cheaper that way) in order to know your fertile days and when you should really be "trying". Ovulation predictor kits measure LH surge and will tell you that your body is gearing up to ovulate (will usually ovulate within the next 24 hours of seeing a positive). However, your body can get ready to ovulate and then never make it there - the temping will confirm whether or not ovulation actually happened. Great sites for this stuff are www.fertilityfriend.com (helps keep track of your temps) and the ivillage message boards - pregnancy and parenting - trying to conceive.

Personal experience with ovulating - I usually O on cycle day 21. Last month my body showed all the signs of O-ing (fertily cervical mucous, positive ovulation test). But my temperature afterwards never confirmed ovulation. As it ended up, my body never did ovulate that time. On cycle day 33, I had the same ovulation signs again, and this time my increased temperatures confirmed ovulation occurred.

Don't think about it?!? Yeah - no problem. There's nothing like "trying to get pregnant" to take all the joy out of sex. (50 years ago, it used to be "trying NOT to get pregnant")

Have you tried those ovulation predictors from the drugstore? (Right next to the pregnancy tests - you may want to pick up some of those, too.) Those are awesome!
They measure the "LH surge" - or "Leutenizing Hormone surge" that triggers ovulation. Some fertility expert was on cnn.com/health yesterday saying "14 days" is the magic number, but that's an average (as was pointed out further in the article by a director at a fertility research center.) Women ovulate at different times - usually somewhere in the range of 10-23 days after your last period.

They also recommended the standard stuff - stop smoking, stop drinking, (the embryo is most sensitive to alcohol in the earliest stages, before you even know you are pregnant). Eat healthy. If your weight is at either extreme, (obesity or anorexic), it'll be harder.
And folic acid ideally should be started a few weeks BEFORE conception. It's also good to start taking a multivitamin, PREFERABLY SOMETHING WITH DHA, before conception. You can get over-the-counter prenatal vitamins if you haven't gone to the doctor yet - and ask your doc about DHA supplementation.

Oh, and my LEAST favorite, cut down on caffeine (although I think March of Dimes says 300 mg/day is fine. That should be good for 1 cup of java, assuming it's nor Starbucks-strength.) Caffeine, esp in large amounts, can increase the risk of miscarriage, (not a lot, but still...) Especially early in the pregnancy - it's not AS big of a deal in the last trimester (although by then you're probably not craving it as much, either.) The amnount of caffeine in chocolate, for example, is never a problem, and there are even studies showing that women who consumed chocolate during pregnancy were better with their newborns (happier, more well-adjusted, etc). Enjoy your chocolate! :)

C., I did not have a hard time getting pregnant, however, I thought I would b/c my sister did. I am a little older than most first time moms so I thought it would take a while. I went to the store and bought the clear blue easy ovulation prediction kit. The day that I got a happy face I told my hubby that today was a good day to try. Okay :o) I had also read or been told that it is better for him to be on top and if you both can ...at the same time then even better. Then don't go to the bathroom right after, wait at least 30 minutes. I know this all sounds crazy but I did it all and would you believe it we got pregnant the very 1st try. My husband didn't believe me when I told him, and really I couldn't either. I know this all may be weird but what can it hurt? I would at least try all this before the Dr. Good luck!!!!

Hi C.-
It took us 6 months to get pregnant - my Dr. said it was completely normal. Do you know exactly when you are ovulating? Usually happens about 14 days after your period, but it varies among women...you may want to buy those ovulating test sticks - they are just like pregnancy tests, but tell you the optimum time to get pregnant. You may just be off on your timing during the month. Be patient too - I know - easier said than done, but stress can play a big role in conception.

Oddly enough the second child is sometimes the hardest to get pregnant with. If your menstration cycles are different, short, etc. Then that might be an indication that you are not ovulating correctly. Easiest way, if you are starting to drive yourself nuts (sounds like me on my first)then take a ovul. Predictor kit. Simply have period and then pee on sticks from days 11-16 or so after period (around day 14 ovul.) and if they turn pink you ovulated. Have sex that day it turns pink. Also dont wear your man out. Try having sex every other day. More sex lowers his counts. I found that i did have ovul. Problem and both of my kids are clomid babies. I got really uptight about it almost to the point the my husband was going to stop for my sanity. I do believe in the relax talk people are giving you but for some like me i had to almost get like a fertiility doctor and break out tests, take pills, calculate days, etc. Good luck with your trials.

Someone has told me that you should try putting a pillow underneath you and then when you are through having intercourse you hold up your legs in air for five to ten minutes. try doing that and see what happens.it got me my son.
S.

C., I heard one time that taking a Vitamin E capsule everyday will help with fertility. I have a friend who tried to get pregnant for about 6 or 7 years. Not long after she started taking the Vitamin E capsules, she became pregnant and has a beautiful baby boy. The place I heard the info was on a CD called the Bread Beckers from a couple in North Atlanta. You should give a try. It would be a natural way to try to help things along.

C.,

I'm sort of in the same boat...I have a 2 year old daughter and I've been off birth control since January. I'm going to be 40 in October and we've not been trying long, so I'm not too worried yet (I'm also trying not to stress too much!). However, I'm using a website for knowing the exact days I'm ovulating and it even tells you the best days for conceiving a boy or girl. The website is www.yourdays.com and it should help you figure out what are the best days for you. Good luck and keep us all posted! D. H

Hi C.! Wow on all the response you got! I didn't even start to read the responses but I was in the same boat at one time. We were stressed out because of money, work and where to live that it was getting in the way. When we finally got into our new place and got settled down and I decided to go back to walking and trying to work out is when the baby came! This was for the second one. I was on a diet and going to the gym during the first time and wasn't trying to get pregnant because my stupid doctor told me it would take a while before I would get pregnant after using the pill for so long. WRONG!! One week after the first period after I had just lost 30 lbs and was wondering why it was so hard to work out! I think exercise is a good tool to relieve the stress and condition the body for baby making, LOL! I don't know if anyone else had said it but that's just my opinion. Happy thoughts and happy body! Good Luck!

There are no signs that I know of when you aren't ovulating. Before going to the doctor, have you thought about trying those home ovulation test kits that they sell at the drug store? This would atleast let you know whether you are ovulating or not. Also the people that say don't worry about it are right. When you worry about it you stress yourself out and this in itself could cause you not to get pregnant. Trust me....my husband and I tried getting pregnant for 3 years...and this past November I gave up. I thought to myself that if God wanted to to be it would, If pregnancy wasn't meant for me then we would adopt. I got pregnant the next month(December). Don't give up hope!!

C.- I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know how difficult it is to not get pregnant. We have been trying to get pregnant for over 1 year now and I finally had to go to my doctor about it. I also have 1 child (almost 20 months old) and did not go through this with him. If you really want to get pregnant soon, I would advise you to make an appointment with your doctor. I have found out that I am not ovulating, so I am not on Clomid (but that is not working either). Looking back, I really wish that I would have gone to the doctor sooner so we could start investigating our options.

I wish you all the luck in the world and remember that you are not alone in this!!
K. :)

I wouldn't worry about it after trying for only 5 months. My doc wouldn't do anything for a year. First I would try the ovulation test kits to try and make sure that your timing is right! (That will also tell you if you are ovulating.) If you haven't had success with that after a few months, talk to your doctor. The doc may want to run tests on you & your husband next.

T.

C.
I want to second the motion to read the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"!!!! This is an awesome resource to train you on how your body is working. It tells you exactly what to do to check if you are ovulating. You can also take your temp each morning before you get out of bed to clue you into when you are ovulating. I would get this book before going to pay a doctor's visit and spending $ on ovualating kits. It is VERY HELPFUL and informative. It worked perfectly for me both times. I have a 6 yr old son and 4 yr old daughter. (It even shares with you how to increase your chances for gender). It worked for me; I have one of each!
Good luck and happy learning,
A.

I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. :( Hang in there. I would get an ovulation kit from the drug store. Do some research on different positions and I know it sounds crazy but keep your hips elevated, like on a pillow, after you and your hubby are sweet. If you are concerned I would go to the doc. Best wishes and try to enjoy the baby making process.
S.

C.,
If one more person told me to relax and not think about it when I was trying to get pregnant with my daughter I would have lost it! That is the last thing you want to hear when all you want is to feel a life growing inside you. My husband and I tried for about 6 months and then went to a fertility specialist. (Most docs will tell you to try for about 6 months before seeking fertility help if you have had a child before, 12 months if you have no physical problems or have not had a child) I thought I was ovulating, but found out I only ovulated once every few months- the rest of the time the eggs weren't dispelled from my ovaries, but would form cysts on the surface. The eggs that did make it out were rotten!! :0) It is possible for you to have outward signs of ovulation without actually ovulating. Give it another month or two and then start looking for a good fertility specialist. Be careful though, some docs will tell you that they deal with infertility but are NOT specialists. We researched four before finding the right one. He is wonderful- but is in Indiana. (remember the Dilly septuplets? That is our doc.)

We tried Chlomid and insemination before having a baby through in-vitro fertilization. Our son was 11 by the time our daughter was born, but she was well worth the wait.

Good luck!
V.

I teach the sympto thermal method of NFP and chart all of my cycles. Yes there are definite signs in both temperature and cervical mucus both when you are close to and are not close to ovulating. However, there is no real way to pinpoint the actual day that you ovulate, just when you are getting close or it has already happened. Have you considered charting your cycles? I too got pregnant by pure chance with my first one (and my latest was almost instant ) but with the two in between I had to keep track of my cycles and know when I was fertile. You should consider taking a course in one of the NFP methods (STM is my personal favorite because it's very accurate for NOT getting pregnant, but there are other good ones out there). Plus the benefit of taking a class is that you can interact with the teachers and ask questions when you don't understand something. Believe me I have had my share of students who tried learning on their own first and just got completely confused!

Just a note about the ovulation kits: it is my understanding that they tend to tell you when you have already ovulated, not the actual time when you are ovulating. Of course it is still good for getting pregnant for some people but for me I was never able to time pregnancy AFTER ovulation for some reason. You just need to be able to track your temps and mucus to determine when the fertile time in your cycle and then start being a bunny ;)!

Also, if you go in to see a fertility specialist the first thing they will have you do is chart cycles so you might as well avoid the doctor's fee and do it on your own first.

I had trouble the second time as well until a friend told me to try the ovulater predictor test. I bought one and used it just like the directions said and I was pregnant the next month. Hang in there when you know how little time each month that your able to get pregnant it helps to have this inside info to pinpoint it a little,

Hi, C.,
Have you tried a basal themometer? They are sold in drugstores and help you see when you are ovulating. Take temp 1st thing (orally, thank goodness!) in the morning and chart on your graph. It makes getting pregnant like a science experiment! My husband and I used it for two successful pregnancies (after trying the guessing game for about 5 months) and it worked like a charm! Enjoy!
M. A

C.,
I highly recommend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It gives a wonderful explanation of a woman's reproductive system and how it works. It gave me a lot of information that I didn't know about figuring out my own cycle and the signs of ovulation.

I had a normal "unexpected" pregnancy with my first child and then a miscarriage on the second (when I was trying). Devistated, I did go to the doctor and after giving him about half my blood, they found out my hormone levels were off. Easily corrected and pregnant in a month. That baby is now 10! I also had another little gift from God 2 years after her. SO.. My advice it to keep the faith and yes go talk to your doctor about your concerns. It could be an easy fix and if anyone is going to give you advice on how to get pregant, he/she should be able to. My doctor is Joe Edwards and he is Awesome. He also helped an employee of mine get pregnant and she had been trying for over a decade.

Have you tried using Ovulation Sticks? You can get them at Walmart or any store and they cost about $10-$15 a box for a weeks worth. I used them while trying to get pregnant with both my 2 boys and they worked well for me. (I had no idea when I ovulated so using these sticks made it clear. I had to buy 2 boxes as they are 7 sticks in each box and my prediction of when I was ovulating was totally off.) Follow the directions and the sticks tell you when you are ovulating and when your best chances are at conception.

i have been there--it was a painful experience that i won't forget--and people do say the dumbest things when trying to be supportive--they just don't understand. i also have friends who have had trouble getting pregnant the second time around--i would give it one more month and then go get checked out by your obgyn. also have you tried the Clear Blue Easy monthly ovulation predictor (it's expensive but i conceived three times using it)but well worth it!

Hi C.,

Have you ever read Danielle Steele's book "Mixed Blessings"? I suggest you get a copy and read it thoroughly before driving yourself crazy with worry about not getting pregnant instantaneously. Those people who keep telling you "don't think about it" are trying to give you the only sound advice there is. You and your husband have a son, so obviously there's nothing wrong with either of you. You're probably just so stressed out about it that your body just won't cooperate. Get the book - read it! It will give you valuable insight about why you're not getting pregnant. Good luck, and R E L A X!

It took me over a year to get pregnant with my first DD. I read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" which helped me understand and track how fertile I was. My periods were irregular and there was a time that I went 6 months will no period. I encourage you to read this book and begin watching for the natural fertility signals that you body shows you. Good Luck.

I have always found that if you "stop" trying that's when it happens. All 3 of mine were that way. I have also been told that the more you and your hubby have sex the less likely you are to concive, but I am not a pro. at this stuff, I just thought that maybe I could give a little help. Talking to your doctor is always the best thing to do. Good luck.

just don't think about it! ha ha. just kidding. i feel like shoving people who say that to me. i have a wonderful 3 1/2 year old daughter and have been trying to conceive since she was six months old. (that's three years, if you're keeping up.) :) i am here to tell you, pardon my candor, that it sucks. i have been through inseminations, oral drugs, injectable drugs, hormone suppositories, and nothing has worked. i am starting to explore nutrition and how it can affect conception, and while i am getting some answers, i am not pregnant. i'm hopeful it will happen by the end of the year.

so my advice to you is first, i know 5 months seems like an eternity, but it's really not a long time. and it's not abnormal to be fertile and not conceive within that time frame. if you are over 35 and it takes 6 months, see your doctor or a reproductive endocrinologist. if you are under 30, i would suggest waiting 9-11 months before seeing someone (but i am not a doctor, and you really need to listen to your body and not some stranger giving you advice on the internet.) in the meantime, practice some stress-relievers. try meditating (use your religion as a guide - meditation isn't as weird as it sounds), try practicing yoga (try a few classes 'til you find one you like, or purchase a dvd, such as Fertility Yoga from Monica Morrell), or just try going for a daily stroll.

i will pray for you - i know too well the pain you are feeling right now. you will conceive though - i am sure of it.

It truly does happen when you aren't thinking about it 100%. Though we were trying when my son was conceived it was during the one month that a lot was going on in our house and my husband had eye surgery and was down for 2 weeks. At the end of all of that is when I realized I hadn't started adn took the test and Wahlah...I was pregnant. He is now 2 1/2. I have been off birth control now for a year. I may or may not be now, but the trick is patience. Normally, for some ovalation is approximately is within a 14 day period about a week to two weeks after your cycle ends. I think that is what I read somewhere. I can tell personally when I'm ovulating sometimes.

You can do some internet searching to find out the signs before going to the doctor and wasting a co pay or having to pay for a consultation...

i would recommend the book, "the art of natural family planning", by kippley. i used this book to learn more about my body so that i didn't need to use birth control before we wanted to start a family, but it came in handy when wanting to get pregnant also. it is great for learning the signs of ovualtion and actually knowing what your body is doing. good luck!

J.

Hi C.,
Acupuncture has proven to be very effective with fertility issues. There is a place called InTown Acupuncture in Decatur that specializes in fertility issues. The website is http://www.intownacupuncture.com/fert.htm
Good luck!
B.

You can buy over the counter ovulation tests. They are located with pregnancy tests in stores. Try taking them several days in a row until you determine the day you ovulate. I found them to be very accurate and got pregnant the month I began testing. I had no trouble getting pregnant the first time and after a few months of trying with our second I felt the same frustration. Hang in there!

Hey, C. - I have been where you are. It took us almost a year to get pregnant with our second child. The first one was done on the first shot for us, too so I know how frustrated you must be. My doc wouldn't think of testing until we had at least tried for a year. I ended up going to Target and buying the Target brand ovulation kit ($15) because I didn't even know if I was ovulating again. I bought three kits because there is only a seven day supply in the one kit. I started peeing on the stick when my period stopped. I found out I ovulated on the 21st day after my period, not the norm of 10-14 days after the first day of my period. We were pregnant within the next month! Good luck!

Get an ovulation kit. You pee on a stick every night and it tells you if you are ovulating. After trying for over a year and having a miscarriage, I finally did this and I got pregnant the first month. It turns out that I ovulate very late in my cycle.