Okay, I am at the end of what I can mentally handle. My husband has been out of work since early April and now is at home with our three kids. While he is an amazing guy (in my eyes) he is not loving the stay at home life. And he can 't. We can not afford for him to be home much longer. That is part of my problem. We had to dig ourselves out of debt and we did it! But we can't afford all of our bills on my salary alone. He is looking for a job like it is his whole world, so that's not my complaint. But the stress of him being home has gotten the better of us over the past few weeks. We have been bickering and fighting over the stupidest things. I can guarantee we have been through more than the typical couple and we have made it through everything...I'm just wondering how to make it past this. It is leaving, what I feel like, a lasting dent on our relationship. We don't get enough "us" time as it is, and it is just getting the better of both of us. So I know I'm just venting, but still...any words of encouragement?
Thanks ladies! Always helpful and comforting! Before I even got to read these, I went home. I sat down next to him and just told him I was done with all of our fighting and arguing. Yesterday's big blow up was over our daughter's hair...he wants to have it braided and she wants me to flat iron it. (Our kids are mixed.) I don't see the worth in making her unhappy over her hair, and I think he just needed something to be in charge of. He was the second in charge at the job he lost. So we decided we were going to work on talking more nicely to each other. A few of you also made the point about him getting out. He does play ball two nights a week...but that's really it. When we are both working it's too much sometimes, but he needs that time. And I get that now. So maybe I will encourage him to stay a little later with the guys when they go for drinks (while he has a coke!!) Thanks!!
All I can say is talk talk talk! You 2 have to keep communicating and being a safe place for the other to vent. When times get hard we can feel like we have failed (especially for a man out of work), so keep building him up, and you both have to cling to one anther to carry each other through. I wish you the best.
This might sound a little crazy but have him check into pizza delivery. If he's good, he can make some really good cash. A friend of mine's husband is doing this and it's keeping them above water in this economy. Hang in there, it's tough times for most of us. Keep communicating and keep loving, even tho it's hard to do! Good luck!
I have friends who had this problem and "solved" it by him leaving for 5 hours a day. He spent most of it in a coffee shop applying for jobs or on interviews. Then he came home and spent at least 1 hour working on the house.
It got him out of her hair, gave him some structure, and gave both of them some space to work.
He needs a DAILY "routine." Like a child. LOL
Seriously.
My Husband was laid off last year... he was home for 6-7 months... and everyday, he had his own "routine."
He'd look for jobs, exercise, help around the house, play with the kids a bit... (I still did most of everything), but having a "routine" is KEY.
They need to be "useful." Men don't do well doing nothing.
And then they get cranky and picky. At us.
Your Hubby is not working... this alone, puts a strain on a marriage... if you can get past it... it will be okay.
This is a hard "phase" to go through... as a Spouse. And stressful.... all around.
But it is a glitch, and until he gets a job... it will be irritating... in various respects.
He needs a routine.....
Luckily, he is trying to find a job...
If it does not happen, finding a job IN his field... he has to go outside of that and try to get employed... somehow, in something else... and so you all can get medical insurance etc.
A friend of ours, was a white collar worker... educated etc. But he had a hard time finding a job within his field and it is very competitive. So in the meantime, he got a job, doing landscaping/yardwork... and then at least he is getting paid. It was just survival...
all the best,
Susan
One person being out of work can be really difficult. My daughter's father worked seasonally, meaning when the weather was too bad for construction and road building, he was off work. It threw everything out of kilter and drove me crazy. I had my morning routine pretty down and simplified for me being able to get off to work in the morning. When he was home, it all went out the window and I'd come home to a huge mess every single day. Having him home made twice the work for me instead of him helping out more. These things can really affect a relationship.
Even though he's not working, there is still a schedule that can somewhat be stuck to. Unfortunately, with this economy, many people are in your shoes so it takes communication and compromise and a lot of praying that your hubby will be back to work soon. In my case, the breaks in unemployment were only temporary, but they did cause a rift. Hopefully you will get it all worked out soon.
This may leave a dent in your relationship, but that doesn't mean it's broken. Things may get the better of you, but that doesn't mean you can't come out on the other side of it together.
I wish you the best.
i have an absolute horror of my husband being home all the time! and he's a prince, i adore him. but we too do much better for having the better part of our days away from each other.
it sounds as if you understand it's stress (it's sure hard on the ego for guys to rely on their women, but the world is changing. this may not be so in a generation or three). 'us' time is important, but as stay-at-home moms know well, he probably needs some 'him' time too. you know, like fishing<G>.
dents are okay. relationships aren't supposed to remain pristine, like a toy in its original packing. they're supposed to be handled, roughed up, loved a lot, dragged around. this CAN make your overall relationship stronger, more resilient and better. not to mention it gives you both an excellent opportunity to hone your senses of humor.
hang in there, babe.
;) khairete
S.
My husband was laid off 1 week after I gave birth to our son. I was on maternity leave for 10 weeks and when I went back to work - we decided that my husband would stay home with our newborn. He was collecting unemployment at the time, so we just cut back on everything that was not a necessity. We restricted raised the temp on our AC, we bought store brand groceries, cut back on our cell phone usage, gave up cable and dining out. It was tough - since we were used to having what we wanted, when we wanted it. My husband had a tough time, since I BF the baby and the baby didn't like the bottle during the day. Looking back - it was hard - but we got through it - and my husband cherishes those 7 months that he got to spend with the baby. My husband was offered a job by one of his former co-workers around the 7th month. For a man to be out of work (I know in our case) is very ego-deflating. I hope it gets better for you - keep up the communication.
All relationships have their ups and downs. Try to focus on the positive, try to take deep breaths and not jump in with a comment if you can hold your tongue, and know that this too shall pass. In the meantime, is your husband entrepreneurial? A friend introduced me to a wonderul business. If he/you are inclined to partner with a green manufacturing company, feel free to be in touch. For many, it has been the answer to their prayers. Good luck!
