Getting over Hurt/broken Heart

Plan a visit to them. It is possible that you were the only relative that wasn't vying for attention in such a way that distracted them. IT is so hard to please everyone, especially when the communication isn't clear. I don't know how many times we've planned to visit a relative on the way and had to keep going because traveling with the kids was becoming stressful.
I suggest you let them know that you missed getting to see them and would like to come to their state for a visit to make up the time.
If you go there, you won't have to compete with the previous mentioned relatives. Hope this helps

ugh how inconsiderate, I teared up reading your post. Be honest with your son and tell him how much you love your grandchildren and were hoping to get together; can't believe they just drove past your house, did they not call? at least to explain what happened.

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I'm sorry you weren't included in their visit. Just let me give my 2 cents here....I am a mom of 3 and we live about 3 1/2 hours away from all of our family. My family and my hubby's family all live in the same area...about 30 minutes away from each other. I have completely given up on going "home" unless I can go for at least a week. I didn't go "home" for Thanksgiving or Christmas or any other holidays last year because both families have made it impossible to actually enjoy visiting in a 1-2 day period. I would have to hear, "you stayed longer at your mom's house than our house" or "why did you stay so long at your mother-in-law's house and only leave me a couple of hours visiting time." I just got so tired of all the drama so now we just don't go anymore!!! I told both families that they only have themselves to blame for us not coming down on holidays anymore. It's always a competition when do go and traveling with 3 kids in no picnic!!! So...now they know that if they want to see us, then they have to come here. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt anyone's feelings. I always did the best I could getting to everybody's house but when traveling with 3 small kids, we were not always on the schedule everyone wanted us to be on. So, my advice to you (as a mom who used to do all the traveling with the kids) is ....please do let your son know that you were upset and explain why you have these feelings but please, don't make that the only thing he hears. He will come to resent having to hear it over and over, and you may wind up being the one who has to travel to see them. You are right to be upset and as a mom I completely understand that!!! I would be, too if it were me...but please try to remember how difficult it is to try to "fit everybody in" when they only have a couple of days.

You need to make a stronger relationship with your son & daughter in law. Sounds like there is probably some unresolved issues. Also boys sometimes are not as in tune about visiting & schedules etc, so your best bet would be to chummy up to your daughter in law so she can be sure to include you in the next trip.

Susie Q, this is something between you and your son.
I would call him and ask him if you have said or done anything
to offend him or his wife. Then, you can let him know you
were hoping to have a quick visit and are disappointed that you
didn't get to do that. Be open to hearing what he has to say. This is not
about your daughter in law... I am sharing this as there was a situtation
recently with my MIL( mother in law) as she offended me
and I have severed my relationship with her, although I think
it is crucial for him to maintain a relationship with his mom
and grandparents make a difference in a childs life. :)

You could also send the kids a card letting them know you missed them.

Saying prayers for you.

don;t really have a suggestion, but heres a HUG XOXOXOXO!

I'm a bit confused. Did you have concrete plans that they were to come to your home for dinner on a particular evening? It sounds like you did, I just want to be sure that's what you mean. And if so, are you saying that nobody called to let you know they weren't coming? Well, then, what else is going on? Something must be. Did you have an argument with your son or DIL? I can't imagine that anyone would do that on purpose though. Did you call them to see where they were?

I'm so sorry you were hurt so badly. I hope it was just a misunderstanding though. You really need talk to one of them to see what happened. I don't really know what else to tell you.

((hugs))

Wow, you just wrote this at a time when I am pondering some things myself. My son went into the service, came back after his six years and is at the moment packing to move to a state also four states away. He has been here but is planning to get married and stay there. So I knew this and we were to have lunch the other day and he ditched me, went out with my other son, that was okay, but I did call him to see what happened, he had forgotten (how do you do that???) and then I felt terrible and he had a car accident coming home after that. Everything is fine, but I wondered how could this be?? I am heartbroken, too., So you are not alone. Do not let this thing go. Let him know how it feels Big time. Refresh his memory about how you cared for him and how hurt you are. It is totally unfair. And my advice is this-if the next time he comes he doesn't come by, then you start saving a buck a week, or five bucks aweek and you get a cab or have gas ready or plane fare for a year later. Someone is playing some nasty games and you can go visit them. I have come to the conclusion we cannot be at the mercy of other people we need to empower ourselves.

That is horrible! Im not sure i could get over that either have you talked with your son about this? Talk to him and see what happened. Im so sorry they did this to you!

Hi S., So sorry you are going through this. You sound like an awesome mom and grandmom.
Some thought to help you process the situation and plan what to do next:
1. How is your relationship with your son?
2. Have you talked to your son about the visit? Did you have a specific date they were supposed to come?
3. Can you share how hurt you feel?
4. If your son has any anger or negative feelings, can you hear him (even if you disagree with him can you accept that they are his feelings and may have nothing to do with objective reality?)

Please keep us posted.

I know this is a hard thing for everyone! Both of our families live in MO. When we travel it is hard to see everyone everytime. We try to prioritize to see family first. That said we do not always get to see everyone. We have a lot of friends that we do not get to see very often either. We have to drive for 8+ hours to get to our destination. By the time we get there we just want to get out of the car and sit on something that is not moving. You mention that they had 3 days, if that is including the time they must use for traveling then they really only have 1 1/2 to 2 days at best. When my husband first took his job down here in TN, the kids and I stayed up in MO due to myself and kids having previous responsibilites. I worked every other weekend so at least one weekend a month my husband would drive up. He would work all day on Friday then make the drive after work. He would not get in until 1-2 in the morning. At that point he was so tired that I just thanked GOD that he made it safely! We would have Saturday together but he would usually bring a few+ loads of laundry that I would need to get done also. On Sunday we tried to go to church then he would leave after that. That was not so bad. When we tried him leaving around 3 or 4, it would put him back to TN around midnight barring any trafic holdups. That was not good because being the only one he had to unload whatever he had by himself, late to bed and early to work on Monday (5am). He was in a better place when he left before noon, usually around 10. Then even if he hit traffic holdups he still got home at a halfway decent time. We usually planned for him to stop somewhere and eat a decent meal, not drive through. The other thing we had to deal with was the time change. I am not sure if your family is lives in a different time zone. I would talk to your son and let him know that your are disappoointed that you did not get to see them. Could you make a trip to where they live? If not then the next time they make a trip down try to plan ahead for them to stay with you or for them spend some time with you. My grandmother had offered for us to stay with her but we declined for a number of reasons. The first is she has a small house with no real extra room. She offered for us to stay down the basement but it is wet and moldy. We have allergies and asthma so we would be miserable there. The second reason is my grandmother has a habit of always putting down what other people do. Everything from my children to my siblings and parents. She does not see it as being wrong just speaking the truth. I guess in some ways it may be okay but it does really hurt my feelings when she complains about my family I feel like I have to be on the offensive every second and standing up for them. She has done this my whole life so I do not think she is going to change now. My parents also offer for us to stay at their house but two of my sons are there(going to school) and they do not really have any extra room for all of us to stay. The other thing is that we are early risers and my parents sleep until noon. We usually stay with my brother. He has a large house and only 2 people with a cat and dog. With our allergies the cat started to bother me but I caught the cat on our bed and lying on my pillow and cleaning herself so I am sure that is part of it since I tried to keep the bedroom door closed while we were there. Are there any issues like that may keep your kids/grandkids from staying with you? I love my family and would love to see evryone everytime but there is never enough time to do it. I will keep you in my prayers. I pray that you will be able to talk to your son without becoming to upset or angry. I pray that you will be able to find a way to spend time together in the future. I pray that you will be able to see the reasons that they were unable to spend time time with you and make any changes that need to enable you to spend more time with children and grandchildren. God Bless!

3 days is almost a ridiculously short time for a visit... since there is really only ONE day (the first day gets eaten up by getting there and settling in, and the last day by leaving). I'm sure they just got overwhelmed. Not to mention with 2 kids in tow, one of whom is probably still napping, and both of whom are going to be travel weary/ cranky/ etc.

I DO notice a trend a lot though, of the people with kids being the ones expected to travel, even though it is obviously the hardest for them to do so. Instead of being all torn up ... why not fix the problem, and arrange to go visit them?

I guess I would call and tell him how hurt you were that you did not get to see the family. If possible can please bring the family to my house first next time so I can see them. I would tell him you love him and the family and looking forward to the next visit. I would do this when you feel less hurt. Sorry this happened to you. I do have to say time does get away when visiting. Maybe he feels horrible also about not seeing you.

Ask, pray, forgive...

My husbands family lives in Arkansas and we live in Louisiana. It is a 6-7 hour drive depending on how many stops we have to make with 3 kids and 2 dogs. My feelings on the situation is this: If I have driven 6-7 hours to the town you live in the least you can do is drive 20 minutes to see your grandchildren. Money is tight for everyone but was the extra gas it would have taken for you to go get the 4 year old worth the hurt you are feeling now. And had you gone to get the 4 year old, your son and DIL would have had to stop to pick her up on their way out of town and you would have seen the whole family. You have to give a little to get. When we make our trips everyone expects us to come see them and it just isn't possible. Make the extra effort and be a grandma to your grandchildren. Just my opinion.

Talk with your son. Whatever the reason they did not show, you will not know until you ask.

ave you tried to talk to him about it. be honest with him and let him know how hurt you are. god bless, R.