Getting Out of Bed

Wow, that's rough. It really sounds like you're doing everything right and it's just taking awhile for her to give up and realize you're going to win!

Very young kids have a natural instinct to want to be near us. This includes during sleep. Our culture and society still have yet to recognize the instincts of children as real and having a validity of their own, despite our modern lifestyle, or modern desires.
On an individual level, it seems clear you do not want her around you at night while you sleep, but the good news is that AFTER the 45 minutes, it sounds like she accepts the situation you prefer. You are may be winning ...it may just take time. Some child psychs say that the on and off separation anxiety starts to fade after age 5.
You mention working full-time. Are you away most of the day? Your daughter may miss you very much...and this nighttime ritual she's got may be a way of extending time with you. There is no substitute for interaction and emotional contact with you. Or at least, I hope you do not want there to be.
I have heard of other folks who work with kids and parents see the same pattern. Mom/Dad goes back to work...baby or child tries to stay awake longer to be with them. Very few people like to draw attention to the downside of full-time work and young children. It may take some creativity to work with your daughter and sons needs and the demands of work. good luck!

My son recently grew out of that problem. He would crawl into our bed 4-5 times a night, but we never gave up taking him back. I started putting a pillow on the edge of the bed laid his Iron man toy on it and told him he has to sleep with Iron Man because he's scared and needs you and we don't all fit on our bed needless to say he loves the fact that he can protect his superhero. I am happy to say that he has been sleeping in his own bed for quite awhile now (a month) and I'm loving it!!!

Have you tried talking to her. I think you are on the right track by standing your ground and putting her back in her room. She is just testing you. But I know that when I tell my son not to do something and he doesn't listen I always get down to his level and I tell him to look at me. Then when he is making eye contact with me I ask him to please do what I ask him to. I find that works very very well. After he listens to me I go to him and again look at him in his eyes and say thank you and tell him he is a good boy. And then he leans in for a kiss and a hug. Kids like to feel like grown ups and they love to hear your praise. So my advise is just try talking to her on her level and make sure she is looking at you the whole time and tell her hwo proud you are of her. And don't use words that she will not understand. Our kids just want to make us happy. Let me know how things go. Good luck!

I once read in a "sleeping" book these 4 rules that made all the difference. 1)Stay in your bed, 2)close your eyes, 3)hold still and 4)go to sleep. These even have worked for my little kids. I usually gave them three chances (walking them back each time) and then after that they knew I would shut their door tight. They really didn't cry all night, and after just a few nights they figured out to follow the rules.

A couple things have worked for us. We tell our son that we will check on him, oh he is so psyched that we are going to check on him and he stays there waiting for us. You have to check on them though, and don't wait too long, but while they are laying there waiting for you, they eventually fall asleep. This gets them into the habit of staying in bed and then eventually you don't have to check on them so often. My son is 4 though and still wants us to check on them. I think it is partly seperation anxiety. We don't allow our son to sleep in our bed but we do give him the choice to sleep on his sleeping bag outside our bedroom door if he wakes in the middle of the night and is scared. This way we don't get woken and he is happy! He does have to start in his own bed though too!
The other thing I might suggest is a carrot of some sort. Something she can earn by staying in her bed and going to sleep, still checking on her though if you choose to try it. Some things we have used is going to the library, playing a particular game with mommy or daddy the next day, computer time when he gets up..etc...you could also make a prize bag with things from the dollar store that she would like, and then when the prizes are gone they are gone. The thing is getting her in the habit of staying in bed...
Hope this helps!
I do think it's normal though!
K.

HI, M. -
I have twin girls the same age, and we experience the same problem. I've recently realized that all it takes is me sitting in the room (we put a big chair in their bedroom) and singing to them in the dark. It just lets them know I'm there, and it takes less than 10 minutes for them to go to sleep. I worried about it being "caving in", but I think they just need the reassurance of my presence while they drift off, and it's actually kind of a sweet time for us. Maybe the answer is caving in just a little! Good luck. I know how frustrating it can be, especially at the end of an exhausting day.

When my daughter was doing this (I think she was less than 2)we locked the door. She did not scream all night, but did end up sleeping by the door most of the time. I never would have done this either, but our doctor advised it mostly for her safety. It's not safe to have a 2 year walking around the house at night. But if you can't do that, then continue what you are doing, but drop the talking after the first or second time and just put her back in bed. She should get out of bed less and less.

You might check out the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Not to discourage you, but I NEVER gave up on wanting to sleep with someone as a child that age. I still REMEMBER it in fact, at that exact age, battling with my mom and going to sleep with my grandparents (they lived with us) when my parents wouln't let me in to sleep with them. (this is when i woke up during the ight, i'd go to their bed) My parents battled this my whole childhood and my room is very far from theres. That said, my oldest child easily transisitioned out of our bed (as in not coming in during the night or anything, prior to 18 months and has slept great in his own double bed every since). We had our second child 7 years later and he is more like my personality (whereas he wants to be with someone much MORE than my eldest ever had that need/desire). However, since he has an older brother, he's totally fine sleeping with him the whole night (and never coming to our bed now at 4.5. They both want me to lay in the bed and scratch their backs until they go to sleep. they drop off in 10 minutes or less so i do that every night then I go to my bed :). Probably wouldn't work if i had to get up at 4 a.m. though as my youngest is a night owl and from the time he was a baby, i was always asleep long before him.

Hope you find a good solution for you.

C.

Hang in there, we are facing the exact same thing and I am a stay at home mom so it doesn't necessarily mean your daughter wants to be near you because you work. Don't be afraid to maybe just sit in her room, not speak to her but she will know you are in there with her until she falls asleep. It worked for us last night and it doesn't need to become a habit if you do it with as little attention as possible. You will know when she won't need you near her for her to sleep. Just remember this phase too shall pass.

How about a screen door to replace the regular door? You can lock it, but see and hear her. She will not scream all night...eventually she will go back to bed. The crying will get less and less and she will learn to go back to bed.

We had trouble with our 2 year old, and some friends recommended "Solve Your Childs Sleep Problems" by Dr. Ferber. It worked great for us. We followed the program, and after just a few nights we saw improvement. (The first two nights were tough on us, but well worth it to have months/years of better sleep!) The book has tons of details about sleeping patterns, and I skimmed through some parts, but read every word of the instructions. It's a very compassionate method, yet teaches good habits and boundaries. Hang in there! Good luck!