Getting My 4Yr Old Under Control.

Well, I know it's hard, but I think what you have to do is pick something and STICK with it. If you choose time-outs, be prepared for a day where you basically spend it dragging him back to time-out over & over until he "gets" it. I have had to do this. Nothing else may get done but if THAT gets done, you will be ahead of the game.
make a list of house rules. Post them in the kitchen. Review them twice per day with your son. When he breaks a rule--give the timeout--even if it takes 2 hours, once you start it, don't stop til he's done a 4 minute time out.
Is he in school? How does he do there?
Good luck!

Time out is 4 minutes, not 30 seconds. He needs to be standing in a corner, not sitting on a chair. If you have to, stand right behind him and prevent him from leaving the corner. He'll probably hit, kick, spit, pinch, whatever, just don't give up! When he settles down, start the timer. If he bolts, start over. Don't argue. This is a battle of wills, and you have to get on the winning side. If you can't, you may need a professional.

Try reading the book Kid CEO by ed young.
I also wonder if Super Nanny or Nanny 911 is looking for a new family to help - LOL! (Well, I was joking at first, but, heck, if they are taking nominations, why not nominate yourself and get a little hands-on help)

Give timeout a try again. Explain to him what you expect and the time doesnt start until he is sitting down. It also sounds like you need to have some house rules. Kids especially boys thrive on structure and definition. I have a 4 year old as well and for the most part he is well behaved but has been back talking more lately, we use timeout and it works like a charm. I got the idea from Super Nanny if this helps, pick a spot, set a timer, one minute for each year old he is so 4 minutes. Diet does actually play into a childs mood and actions so you might want to only keep good healthy foods in the house and see if this helps. Good Luck

I know this might not sound too good but have you considered having your son evaluated for ADHD? I'm asking because your son sounds like what used to be a carbon copy of my youngest brother. Especially how he treats your animals and his own brother. ADHD promotes severe impulsivity in children where they do everything on impulse only with very little thought process and almost no follow-through. They are like walking festivals on two-feet and usually the sounds of crash, bang, boom, and screams follow them through the house! Discipline will work but only to a point because it is hard to get these kids to calm down and focus on what you want them to do. They are very busy and always up to something.....usually of the mischievious kind or even mean and destructive kind. This is how I described my youngest brother until my mother took him into the pediatrician and told the guy that enough was enough. He would hit, punch, bite, pull hair and just physically torment our dogs and even us older siblings. He was noisy, disruptive, and always going Mach-90 all throughout the house. Trust me.....my parents knew all about discipline and how to dole it out. This was NOT a discipline issue, it was a whole other ballgame with my brother. He was evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD and was put on medication. Back then, he took Ritalin once a day. Lo and behold....what was was a nightmare on wheels turned into a calm, loving, funny, and courteous little boy....one that I actually liked to be around and call my brother! ADHD is a chemical imbalance and can't be helped by the child. It just is what it is and like anything else that is a medical problem, if you don't treat it, it spirals out of control and everyone will suffer. My brother was helped by this diagnosis and this treatment immensely. He remained on Ritalin until he was 13 and was able to really cognitively control his impulsivity and govern himself correctly as he grew up. Once you have ADHD, you always have it and it is a struggle...even as an adult he has to focus harder and make a conscious effort to maintain composure and not make snap decisions or fly off the handle at people. When he does act up, we know why and we take it into consideration. Sometimes we point out what has happened and other times we already know he notices his behavior and an apology will follow shortly. Your son sounds like he may have ADHD and if he doesn't, then there are some serious consistency issues with discipline and expected behavior in your house. If you have other kids and they do not act like him, I would suspect ADHD and get this looked at right away. It is not the end of the world if he has it and don't blame yourself. The sad part is doing nothing and letting this behavior of his escalate....and it will. When he starts school, if he acts like this to other children and teachers, you will be in for a long and very harrowing school career. Do something now and see if he can be evaluated by your pediatrician. If he doesn't fit the criteria for ADHD....you need to look at your parenting style and skills and be ready to make an abrupt change to get the results that you need and want. I hope this helps. I know exactly what you are seeing and feeling because I lived this as a sibling....it is not funny.

If you look at many of my other answers, you'll see that I have a "difficult" 4 year old boy as well. We've had numerous issues that sometimes come and go, we've seen a child psychologist, etc. He often talks back, doesn't respond to any type of discipline or punishment, has extreme meltdowns and tantrums -that sort of thing. The difference I see here is that my son will go through sprees or have a day when NO punishment, threat or positive approach makes any type of difference, but normally something will get his attention and make him curb his behavior. He has really gotten his behavior under control at PreK as well. We had two weeks about a month ago where out of the blue he went nuts at school, but we discovered the reason, remedied it and he's actually behaved very well there.

If absolutely nothing is ever working, I would take him to his doctor and then ask for referrals for a child psychologist or family counselor. Has he started a PreK or preschool or any other type of childcare recently? Does he go anywhere like that where he may have encountered another child who behaves this way? What about illness or any change to the family dynamic -any separations, new jobs for parents, new schedules, deaths, etc.? The violent actions toward the his brother, pets and whenever someone comes to the door concern me. I think you should seek a professional's opinion starting with his pediatrician.

you need consistancy consistancy consistancy...you need to pick a routine, and punishment plan and STICK WITH IT he's going to raise major hell at first and it may take a while but eventually, you need to SHOW him that he can scream at the top of his lungs and it will not get him what he wants that's what he's used to (somewhere he learned that and somewhere someone has shown him this behaviour will work)

like some of the posts says, he could have an attention problem, but still medicine will not solve it 100% if you are not stern and stand your ground. create fear in him towards you...make him "fear your wrath" against him, just for example, i have my 8 year old convinced that i will throw her through the walls if that's what it takes, although i never would and can't remember the last time i used real corporal punishment with her the point is....she's afraid to seriously disobey me, but still not afraid to talk to me if she needs to-seriously