Getting My 3 Year Old to Behave!!

Hi Lisa,
I felt so compelled to respond to your message. I have a 2 1/2 year old and twin newborns at home, so i know what you are going through. But i am also a behavior specialist and work specifically with parents and young children. When dealing with children their are 2 important factors. The first is techniques to work with your child, which you seem to know. The second and sometimes more important is how the parent maintains their cool and sticks to the plan. This is soooo difficult. The first thing i recommend is finding a way to decompress so that the behaviors don't become so bothersome to you. Find some things that help you de-stress quickly. Sometimes you might just need to walk away and put on headphones of calming music for 5 mintues until you can stay calm and implement your behavior strategies effectively. One great tool is calle Mindful meditation. It is a technique you can use anywhere. I am pretty sure you can search for it on Amazon and purchase the CD's.
I also wanted to let you know about a class coming up that might be helpful to you. It is called Surviving the Toddler Years and it is held at the Mental Fitness Center in downtown rochester. I will be presenting the class and it will cover many of the concerns you have. If you would like more information please visit our website at www. mentalfitnesscenter.org or feel free to email me at ____@____.com
Take care
L. Bull

One thing I've found that works with my 2 year old daughter is to choose my battles. I've found that if I ignore some of her questionable behaviors (as long as she's not hurting herself or someone else), they go away pretty quickly. If she's simply being rude, I'll just matter-of-factly tell her that it's not nice behavior and then I ignore it. I used to feel like I was CONSTANTLY saying "no" to her and trying to control her every move. Believe me, I'm not one of those parents who thinks that kids should get whatever they want. I'm a pretty strict disciplinarian. But I found that I was just constantly saying "no" and that made it so the word started to lose its power. So I started letting some things go or reacting less harshly to them as long as they weren't hurting her or someone else. I've also found that my daughter tends to mirror my emotional state. If I'm worked up and upset, it only gets her more worked up and upset. But if I adopt a more laid back attitude, she starts to follow suit. Now, when I tell her "no", she knows I really mean it.

My son is 2-1/2 and I know the frustrations that you face. When I joke about the 'terrible twos', so many people laugh and say "just wait, three's are worse". :)

Definitely praise/reward him for doing things right or making good decisions. When he's having a rough day, ask him why he's doing certain things. I do like how you warn him of consequences before doing them, in order to give him the opportunity to make the right decision. Be sure to follow through ALL the time, so he knows you mean business.

For my son, if he starts throwing toys, I point out that he must not want them if he's going to throw them...and that if he throws them again, I will take them away as I do not want them broken. Toys are to play with, and not to be thrown around. He doesn't like it when his toys are taken away, and he'll sometimes throw a tantrum....which I will often talk nicely and ask him to come see me, I'll hold and comfort him and ask why he did it, and explain why I had to take them away.

Does he act like this in nursery school? Or is it just when you're around? Sometimes kids act much worse when their parents are around than they do on their own. Sad, but they know what gets our attention.

Continue to teach him what he can/can't touch and manners. Take him outside to throw the ball, and encourage him to run around and use his outside voice! Then say when we're inside we have to walk, and we can't throw things, and we need to use our inside voice!

Make things a game - ask him (yelling in fun) "IS THIS AN INSIDE VOICE?!"....(whisper) "is this better?"....(normal voice) "maybe this is an inside voice?!".

Maybe he's at the age where a sticker chart will help encourage good behavior, and continue the warnings for poor behavior. Take him out to dinner (explaining your expectations) - go to Buffalo Wild Wings (or another louder establishment), try it out. Give him warnings, leave if you have to...but keep trying it so he knows what to expect.

As far as him putting food in his hair and all, I'd warn him that dinner is over when he does that and take away his food at that time. (Accidentally is one thing, but doing it on purpose definitely needs to be addressed!) Let him help with meal time and clean up. My son gets his own fork/plate/spoon out and then his 'job' after dinner is to make sure all the chair are pushed in. Make him feel he's contributing - both in this area and other household chores (picking up toys, carrying the laundry to the laundry room, dusting - anything safe that he is able to do). It gives them a sense of pride to know they are helping and that they CAN do this!

Best wishes - I don't know if my thoughts will help, but definitely continue to do what you can and be consistent!!