Getting Involved in Child's Fights.

I know they are family. But your child has told you she does not want to be around Madison. And for good reason. She's getting physically bullied. You've seen it. I would be livid. Stop bringing your child around these people. Do not invite them to your home or initiate getting together with them. Leave your daughter with your husband or in someone else's care the next time you will be seeing your sister and niece. When someone asks where she is, I would be totally blunt. "She does not want to be around Madion." Let them chew on that. Especially Madison. Children should not have be forced into keeping company with bullies. If they ask you "why?" I'd simply tell them she doesn't like how Madison treats her, and she has your permission not to attend. If they want to blow up and make it into an argument, I'd leave. Let your sister have a conversation about why her cousin won't come around anymore, after the initial shock. Maybe taking your daughter out of contact for awhile will have an impact. At the point you decide to bring her around again, I would NOT allow them to play out of my sight. Sadly, there have been times I have had to do this around my kid's cousins. Thankfully, it was a phase that passed. Hopefully, as the girls mature, it will be phase in your family too.

Have the girls take a break from each other. Your sister has to learn that when her daughter doesn't play nice, she loses friends. Luckily, this time, it's her cousin and probably they'll eventually play appropriately again (no choice, they're related, they'll see each other). But if Madison can't "be nice" to her friends, she will get fewer and fewer playdates. There MUST already be issues because your sister acknowledges that "everyone is so hard on Madison" - strange how it doesn't occur to her that there must be a reason for that...

I would only allow them to play together infrequently, and observe what's happening carefully when they do play together. If your sister asks why, just explain calmly that when they play together, Madison seems to play very rough, and when you have corrected Madison, she (your sister) becomes angry. So, you just don't feel that it's best that they play together until Madison grows out of this phase (or whatever).

Definitely protect your daughter. Don't throw her to the wolves to keep the family peace!

This is your sister in law..... Have you spoken to your brother about it??

I'd arm my daughter with ways of saying no. And give her permission to come to me and say I am done. When she is done you are leaving. At 9 the onus is on Madison to be more careful with your child. That is clearly not going to happen so the onus is on you to protect your child and use this as a chance for ehr to learn more about how to protect herself. I once ignored a bullying child and stopped my own kid so that we could talk about what had just happened. "What just happened? How did it make you feel? Do you think it was fair? Do you feel like this person is being nice to you? Well, we can tolerate some unkindness, but we have to set limits. Don't let people bully you what would you like to do now?" All the time completely ignoring the bully. She tantrumed more but both she and my DD got the clear message. My DD offered her another chance but DD told her if you can't be nice I won't play with you. You cannot control Madison's or her mother's behavior. You can control your and your daughters' reaction to it.

I agree that little arguments should be left for kids to deal with but in this case I would agree with Catherine C. Leave immediately when Madison becomes rough and tell your SIL why you are leaving, because Madison is too rough with a younger child and you know if you talk to her about it she (SIL) will flip so you're leaving bye bye. Take two cars so your hubby can stay if this bothers him. If you teach your child she must put up with this - Think about what will happen when she starts dating and teach her that being rough is NOT acceptable.

That's a tough situation but I also think you need to do something. I would start watching more often like you are and then disciplining Madison when appropriate. If it gets your sister upset, clearly state what happened. She needs to learn to deal with it. It sucks but your first duty is to your daughter. She's younger so staying out of it doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

I think you have the right to step in here. You have not rushed to judgment; you have carefully examined the situation, observed the girls playing and found Madison behaving like a bully. Firstly, I would continue having the children play in communal areas. Then perhaps you could try using a technique (from a mom) I read about on another post. Instead of letting bad behavior slide, calmly point it out each and every time it happens and empower your daughter by telling her she doesn't have to play that way. (All this in front of Madison's Mom) Your support will give your daughter confidence and your voice will, hopefully open your sister-in-law's eyes.

You have to stand up for your child! If this was just a normal fight, I'd say stay out of it, but your child is being hurt. You have to be the mama bear and protect your cub!

I had this little talk (many times) with my husband who is in a band with one member who is a huge a-hole. He tantrums and bosses everyone around and can't take what he dishes at all, he FLIPS out if anyone tries any of that with him. He's always getting his way by making the hugest stink and making bad band decisions and everyone else is miserable BLAH. Finally I had just had it with MY HUSBAND for letting this guy rule by terror. It was like, "OK, why don't YOU ever blow up and stamp your foot and threaten all this stuff? Why is he being given all this power?

So. Anyway. It's hard, but she's you sister and you have to go head to head with her, not let her dominate your child. Model strength so your daughter learns. She'll need it with that cousin! Good luck, I know it's not easy!

Um, I would not let my child play alone with the cousin....out of my sight and hearing range.

Make a new rule, that the children must play in the same room you are in....protect your child.

If your sister-in-law does not like it take your daughter and go home. Tell your SIL that until her child stops HURTING your child, you will not be over.

Period.

Why teach your child to put up with this?

Make new friends.

Good Luck
God Bless

How about saying "If you cannot get along with each other--the visit is over?" and then end it if they don't "get along" (more aimed at your niece).

Take it from a girl with 6 siblings... more than 20 cousins... and 14 nephews and nieces... not to mention three of my own kids.

Stay out of it. Let her fight her own battle. Empower your daughter and encourage her to stick up for herself! There is always the aggressive spoiled brat cousin. Hell I'd say I have a few. I have a few nephews and nieces with the same personality so I've been on both ends of the stick. let the child handle it. We all think our kids are perfect. She, being your SIL, isn't going to see what you are saying ... so you really need to just empower your baby to stand up for herself! Give her permission and tell her you will back her up. Not only will this help her now but it will in later life as well.

Although most of my aggressive cousins I still don't really like I have to admit. Now I just bite my tongue and instead of being aggressive physically they are know it all's or severe braggers and I CAN'T stand being around them still. Tigers don't seem to change their stripes they just refine them.

That is called bullying - even between cousins. Your two choices are to stop gettingtogether with them, or to put up some bounreies to protect your child and yoursef. Madison needs her little but bent in half over someones knee and ....well, I wouldn't suggest doing that, it wouldn't go over well with your sister, I bet. But I would lay some ground rules for playdates.

1. Only playing together in common areas of th ehome, where adults can see what is going on.

2. NO Roughhouseing, play something nice - a board game, dolls, coloring, etc.

3. You get 2 warnings, then we are going home, since you two cannot play nicely together, there is no point in us being here if no one is having fun anyway.

Then also give your daughter the tools to deal with her cousin the bully on her own, they will serve her well in lots of other venues. Here are some links - read and practice ( role play) these tactics with your daughter, because if she getting bullied by a cousin, she is more likely to have this happen with kids at school, too. You can use the same phrases and actions with your sister, too, when she gets on your case or on your daughter's case.

http://www.micheleborba.com/blog/2011/01/23/how-to-bully-...

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/raise-great-k...

I would agree with Sharon...my first thought was talk about it with your brother. Madison sounds manipulative and sounds like her mom is under the spell. Protect your child and have them play where adults can monitor a bit.

I would have them play at your house and only where you can see them.

I would supervise any play between the cousins because it seems that the 9 year old is bullying along with being rough. Sounds like she knows she won't get into trouble and can do much to get her cousin in trouble. I would tell the sister in law that you will take care of disiplining your own child and would appriciate her not getting after her.... or I would disipline both together before the sister in law gets into it. I have one daughter in law that does the same thing when her daughter and my other granddaughter play together. I just step in on it.