Getting Grand Parents to Stop Using Baby Talk with My 2 Year Old

You are a guest in your in-laws home. You have absolutely no right to tell them how to live or what to do in THEIR house. If you don't like the environment that your daughter is living in, move out. If that isn't possible, you need to get some coping mechanisms to deal with the inconveniences of not being able to support yourself. Your in-laws, while not perfect, have very generously agreed to share the home that they have worked for. There are very likely issues that your in-laws have with having a family move in with them. They don't owe it to you to support you, they are giving you a gift. If they are dealing with the inconvenience of taking care of you, you can change your attitude about it. As far as the baby talk goes, it is not a great cause for concern. You don't do it, your husband seldom does and she will get the verbal direction she needs from the both of you. I'm sure your daughter at the age of 2 recognizes that people behave differently towards her and that is just how Grandma and Grandpa talk. I hope that for your family's sake you will be able to get over it.
L.

Hi J.:
After frequenting this site for some time now,I've come to know A few of the mothers here. I don't know them personally, however I've come to respect their opinions and contributions,they offer other mothers here. They are to be commended for taking time out of their other wise hectic day to lend an ear,and a helping hand. I've answered a few requests you've had here J. and I've become familar with your continued problem with your in laws.Your a first time mother,who sounds like she wants to do whats best for her daughter. You've responded here to help others,as often as anyone else.Please take this advice,as its intended.sincere and caring.You need to stop,and think about what your doing. Your putting far to much emphasis and energies on things,that are of no importance. You need to start focusing on those things, that matter. Grandma and Grandpa,talking baby talk to their Grandchild,is not something, you should be concerned or bothered about.Your (nic-picking.Your daughters vocabulary is not going to suffer,because she knows already this is grandma and Grandpas way to make her feel like shes always going to be their baby girl.Whether living with them was of your choosing or not,Your Guest in (Their Home) A Home,that they are graciously sharing with you, your husband and daughter.They have earned a certain amount of respect, If only for THAT unselfish gesture. They are caring,and compassionate,in their willingness to provide you all A place to call home right now.Guest, don't make demands for change.If your in laws enjoy watching tv when they eat, Its their home, their option.If you don't want your daughter to watch,take her elsewhere to eat. It is understandable, that you want to be able to raise your daughter the way you see fit,however,I get the distinct impression,that most of your energies and or struggles are spent trying desperately to prove to your in laws that your ( A Good Mother)Your repeated complaints,of them,and their ways. Your need to run things your way,in their home,makes one believe,that its important to you what they think of you as a mother. (Their acceptance.) My advice,is to Be grateful,that they care. Be glad in your heart,that they genuinely love your daughter.Learn to accept them for who they are.Practice patience, tolerance,and forgivness.Work at getting along better. Its ok to disagree,but there's something to be said, about those who can admit when they are wrong.Let the little stuff go. Don't make everything an issue or disagreement. Save your stress,and fretting for bigger issues.Learn to give in once in a while.Nobody likes to be a loser every time. You take years off your life,when you worry about all the little things.If you practice some of these and stop worrying about proving your self worth,your in laws,and all those around you,will respect you for the lovely woman and exceptional mother you are.You know I wish you only the best. J. M

J.,
sorry to hear that you are back living with your in laws but glad to hear that you and your hubby have made amends. My mom was doing that to my son and I told her that to help him talk even better than he already does he needs to hear the actual word instead of baby talk or calling something what he calls it. This helped me as my mom wanted to encourage him to be a "big boy". I do this myself with my son as I know what he is talking about most of the time and repeat the correct pronuciation of the word to help him continue to learn. Also with the TV thing, tell them that her peditrician (its always good to bring in a medical prof.) said that TV is like refined sugar. Good in small doses however can be very harmful if she has too much. No one wants a mentally or physically obese child. Having the TV on all the time is an easy way to apease a child and from what I know about your MIL she wants to do whatever she can to have your daughter love her. I would approach your in laws that this is all about your daughter and heloing her be as amazing as possible, not about them being "bad". This way maybe they will be less likely to fight you on it since it is for the better of the child and not just you complaining or wanting things done your way. Hope this works for you as it has done wonders for me! ~ B.

J.,

I live with my parents. It is a blessing that I have a place to live and a home for my son that is filled with people who love him. Even though they are my parents, and I LOVE them, we don't ALWAYS see eye-to-eye on things. BUT, when I first moved in with my son my Mom and I had two headbutting sessions before we sat down as adults and talked about how we could best work together for the sake of my little guy. Even to this day, it's not perfect but I respect that my Mom & Dad are doing their best and love my son with all their hearts.

But, here's the thing about your dilema. This is your in-laws house and they are doing you a favor by letting you take up space in their house...whether you pay rent or not, this is something they don't have to do. Even though you live together that doesn't mean you have to interact with them all the time. If there are things that really bother you, then I'd say you should discuss with your husband having an adult talk with them. Approach them on ways you can co-habitat without being miserable with each other.

Things I have done to give my son and I some space that allows us to break away from my parents, so that we're not always in each others space are creating a workspace for my son in the upstairs work area with an easel, desk and fun toys and books. I've created a structure to his day that can be rotated, like 'school time' and 'play time' where we do different activities. You can also think about getting involved in Mommy and Me class at the YMCA, Gymboree or other local kids places.

My son gets some TV time, but it's only for an hour a day, unless it's movie night. I agree with the posters who said this is one of those things that you have to understand they aren't going to change just for you. However, if you approach them with kindness and give them respect they may meet you half way.

I hate the 'baby talk' too. Fortunately, I have been able to talk to it with those who do it and it's not an issue. But, there are still some adults who just do it and see nothing wrong with it. Oh well, I can't make everyone follow my lead...but, I can do my best to raise my son with love and affection and give him the guidance he needs to be healthy, happy and knowledgable.

good luck!

Hi J.,

You have to choose your battles. I don't care for baby talk, slang, or cursing in front of my daughter, however, I can't correct everyone who speaks in front of her. In my opinion, it is okay to set standards with your husband and that is between the two of you, but it is kind of difficult to set standards for someone you live with, no matter who pays the bills.

You will make a wonderful strong impression on your daughter and she will respect that. She will grow up with a great vocabulary. They are so smart and retain everything at this point in their life.

When I say choose your battles, I don't agree with a lot of my FIL's ways. My daughter loves him and would probably never see the flaws I see. So I leave things alone and let her love her grandfather the way he is. However one time he said, Grandma was mean and evil while she was two years old and I shut him up. He really got angry and started to argue with me, stating he was playing, but I put my foot down and said I can't have a two year old disrespecting her Grandmother and saying Grandpa said it was true. So far, it hasn't happened again.

I have a lot of issues with my In-laws, but I can't fight with them all the time. It turns on you and makes you out to be the bad guy.

Hi J., I think your husband needs to handle this, since it's his parents and their home. What I would do if I was you, when you feel your daughter has had enough TV, thn remove her from that room, and maybe go into another room, read a story, color, some other activity. I'm with you, I haye baby talk, and I hate the word ba ba for bottle, I had one daycare parent that drove me crazy, it was cupie, upie, nappie, blankie, ie was at the end of every word, so i started correcting her, and telling her that the other parents don't want their tots picking up baby talk, eventually she stoped. Your mil needs to understand that although that is her home, that's your daughter. And I don't know what your situation is, as to why you are living there, but I would move out as soon as you can, even if it's a small one bedroom apt, at least it will be your's and your rules for your child. J. L.

Hi J.,
One solution might be, to enroll your daughter in Preschool/Daycare!
That way she would not be with them ALL the time and will get exposed to more peer interaction, instead of just the TV all darn day.

Or, you each have your own "time" to eat dinner... just you/hubby/daughter... and at the table, not with the TV.
In our house, (My mom lives with us too), we are pretty loose about dinner "time" and we eat as our habits are. So many times, my Mom, being at her age, she likes to eat dinner EARLY, but we tend to eat later. BUT, I always have dinner made and ready, buffet style... and being individuals we then help ourselves. Our kids eat with US, and sometimes we all eat together. My Mom, likes to watch the TV as she eats too... but with us, we will sit down AT the table, with our kids, and eat. So my kids just are used to the background "noise" but not watching it per say.

As for the baby-talk... well, it seems, from previous postings as well, your girl has good cognition and speaking ability. So, although irritating, the in-laws will not necessarily "stop" though. As she gets older, you can tell your daughter the preferred way to say things... and then that saying "ba-ba" for milk is not a 'big girl' way of saying it. But, each kid is different... and they will not always "copy" the Grandparents and then talk baby-like in return. At least in my kids case, they don't... and they do speak at THEIR own level anyway. And for me, I just explain in a mellow way, the "real" or "proper" way to say things. Because I don't want them to think their Grandma is irritating either. My girl now at her age, 6 yrs., understands and "knows" that Grandma is just old and she has her own ways, but it does not have to be HER ways. So, sometimes I just teach tolerance to my girl (because she gets irritated too),and that Grandma is an "elder" and respect that... BUT, that WE are her parents, or if something bothers her to just come and tell us, nicely.
AND for my Mom, I do explain to her our 'wishes." And in time, we all pretty much have compromised, on both sides, and it has gotten pretty amicable. But it took time...
I don't know how long you have lived with your In-Laws...but, sometimes, habits don't change, especially if they are old. But I know, it really tries our patience...

A funny example: My Mom likes to watch TV too, and the volume is SO SO loud, because she is getting hard to hear. So we tell her we cannot even hear ourselves because it is so loud. So, to compromise, she got TV earphones...so only SHE can hear the TV without causing noise 'pollution' for everyone. BUT, my Mom also tells US "Well the kids are NOISIER than my Tv... and I don't tell them to go away...." And she has a point. My kids ARE loud, especially in the evening.
(so there are 2 ways to look at it). BUT, the TV earphones are a GOOD thing... maybe you can get some for your In'Laws. We got ours from Radio Shack.

All the best, I know each situation is different.. good luck,
Susan