Getting Daughter to Sleep in Her Own Bed

i'm always a little taken aback by this very very frequently posed question.
you can't force sleep.
sleep WILL happen eventually. even if you don't succumb to the immature and illogical whims of a toddler, and helplessly do everything she demands.
yes. spend an hour or two putting her back to bed. if you are consistent, firm and no-drama you'll have to do it for a few days, perhaps at most a few weeks. then everyone will sleep well and you will have given your daughter a great gift- the ability to sleep on her own, and to understand that mommy and daddy mean it when they say it.
there is no magic bullet. firmness and consistency.
khairete
S.

Try talking to your kid. She is old enough to make sense of what you tell her.
We explained to our kid that it is important for everyone to sleep and eat well, otherwise we could end up cranky or too tired. We told him that everyone needs to sleep in their own bed so that they can get quality rest. (the exception was nap time on weekends when he could snuggle in our bed by himself or with either or both of us).

Sometimes he sleeps immediately, sometimes he sings, imagines, tells stories for 1/2 an hour or longer before he sleeps.

We have a baby gate at his door. No need for him to be up and unsupervised at night (in our estimation). If he needs attention at night (which happens rarely), he calls for us, we comfort him in his room briefly, and he tucks himself back in.

another thing that really sunk in for him was when my goddaughter was scheduled to come over for a play date, but it was cancelled because she hadn't gotten a good night's sleep and was too tired. He took that to heart, and treated sleeping very earnestly.

Best,
F. B.

I would come up with a bedtime routine and stick to it. When my DD was little and got up, I would sometimes ask her once what the issue was, but most of the time I would say, "Time for bed" a la Supernanny style and put her back to bed, and then back to bed again without comment.

My daughter told us that she's afraid of the dark and the nightlight wasn't enough so we leave the overhead light on for her til we either notice she's asleep or we go to bed. That compromise has kept her in bed and it doesn't bother us to do so. My DD knows that it's bath, snack (if time), book, prayers and bed, and that routine seems to have smoothed out the issues we had when she was 2-3.

If she comes into your room, do you take her back to hers? She is old enough to knock, so you can lock the door, too. Also, have you told her "Do you know how you feel when you do not get enough sleep? Well, that's how Mommy and Daddy feel when you wake us up in the night. It's not very nice. You should stay in your own bed unless there is an emergency" and then lay out a few options, like she's bleeding. My 6 yr old recently thought 2AM was appropriate to ask for "a snuggle" and I said, no. I hugged her and put her back to her own bed and reminded her I need to sleep, too. (Turns out she has a cold so I get it now, but still...2AM...ugh). We have the rule that DD can only come to our bed when DH is up or away because he can NOT sleep with her there, not even if she's on the other side of me. I even put stickers on the clock.

So in short, find a new comfort, perhaps a new sleep toy or a song or an extra hug that replaces the laying down part. And put her back, gently but firmly, anytime she gets up. You and DH should both be on the same page so you are consistent with her.

Hi :)

Is the laying down with her a new thing or is it a routine you've done for a long time? Sometimes when kids transition to a new bed, etc. this happens.

I always allowed my kids to read (with a little light on) in bed when it took them a while to fall asleep. Even at that age. That way, they weren't just laying there staring at the ceiling, and they didn't feel they had to go to sleep right away. I'd go back 10 mins later and inevitably they would have nodded off with the book open next to them.

That worked for all of ours. So I just wonder if you could come up with your own new routine of some sort .... I used to get my kids pretty worn out before bed - we'd do a walk after supper, playtime in the yard, sledding, even pillow fight in the evening - really get them tired. And then wind them down with a bath, book, etc. That was a pretty good routine ... they still sort of follow even after all these years. You probably have a wind down one of your own I'm sure .. just wean out this laying down bit, maybe you could say "I won't lay down, but I'll rub your back for a minute..." Or something you're comfortable doing for a while :) Or just limit the time you lay there, shortening it each time.

We had a couple who would come in during the night at that age. I made up a little comforter on the floor (not too comfy otherwise they will keep coming back) and they were allowed to come in and lay on that (not wake us up) if they woke in the night. My kids had funny dreams that would wake them at that age, and that's why they would come find us. I never allowed them in our bed - they were happy enough on the floor. They outgrew it within months, so it wasn't a problem for us (a couple of times a week). I have a lot of friends who've done this and it worked quite well.

Good luck :)

I was never a fan of the family bed so mine always slept in their own crib/bed from day one. However, when they each were about 3 they wanted to come in an sleep with us. I let them sleep on the FLOOR and did not make it cozy for them. The would come in sometime during the night and sleep on my side of the bed on the floor. The would sometimes bring their blanket and pillow or stuffed animal, but would sleep there and not in our bed. My daughter did this for a couple months then all of a sudden stopped. My son was only a couple weeks. I hope you find something that works for you. Good luck!

I second AVs advice because that was what worked for us.

Some hints: to eliminate frustration, we dedicated a week of evenings to the idea of 'teach Kiddo to stay in his own bed'. (he's always fallen asleep with one of us with him, so I get it) Knowing that *this* was going to be the activity meant that we treated it like that. I actually camped out in the hallway right next to his door so that the minute he got out of bed and started walking out to us, I could get him. I had my laptop, a book and a few other things to keep me entertained and just hung out all evening; believe it or not, I slept there too for the first night.

The first night was tough; he popped out of bed several times and I just quietly said "bedtime" the first time,then nothing, just kept taking him back to bed. No talking, no smiling, no extra hugs, no interaction other than putting him back in bed. He was even up at 1 a.m. to try getting us into his bed or him into ours. Nope. Back into bed.

The second night, less pop-ups and no late night wake-up. Was able to move to my own bed in the middle of the night. Third night, my husband did his shift and there were only a few times Kiddo popped out of bed. It kept improving.

I do want to mention this, because I think it's important--- with many kids, you will have recurring seasons of what we'd call 'sleep issues'. Kiddo is nearly eight now and we have no silver bullet. Kids do have anxieties which pop up right as the lights get low because they have nothing to distract themselves, or they get it into their heads that they are going to be 'in charge'..... so I would encourage you to keep strong routines around this. Don't be fooled into thinking you will damage her if she cries and cries because she's mad that you are imposing a new expectation on her-- and don't give mixed signals by allowing it some nights and not others; instead, let her know that you believe she can do this. I like the idea of a new snuggly or maybe a special nightlight (this is one many of the families I know liked:
http://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Twilight-Constellation-Turtle...

Also, and this is not to get into a tussle with anyone-- do your own research around melatonin. We used it at the suggestion of a respected friend for our son,and it did work. However, there are strong links between melatonin use and retardation of gonadal development. I found that when I used it, I would get strong cramps. Another trusted friend who had sleep issues and was post-menopausal started getting her periods again because of this. It's obvious to me that this is an extremely strong hormone and we stopped using it. The other concern is that this is usually a synthetic hormone that you are being sold and it's unregulated-- both of these issues are addressed here:
http://www.kidsoc.org/news/press/entry/the-dangers-of-mel...

With my oldest I used a gradual method. I rubbed his back and saang for a couple of days. Then I sat near him (on the floor) for a couple of days. Then I sat in a chair in the room ... you get the idea. I also found excuses to leave and come back. I would tell him I needed to put laundry in the washer and would leave for a few minutes and come back. I always came back. I kept increasing the time I was gone until I started finding him asleep.

My youngest would come find me if I left. He happens to have some special needs, and when we mentioned to his psychologist our bedtime troubles, he suggested we give him Melatonin. Work like a charm.

So, you might try Melatonin. We give him 1 mg about 30 to 60 minutes before bed. It makes him sleepy and able to fall asleep.

we got our kids 2 things that helped keep them in their room....
1) a star light projector (it's inside an octopus). When they wake up they can push the button and the light comes on and it projects light on the ceiling.

2) there is also a projector that has songs that is voice activated that comes on. So they just have to make noise loud enough. There are 3 types of music - we used the classical setting.