I babysit a healthy 11 month old boy twice a week, and his disposition has me concerned. I've been watching him since he was 3 months old, and he has always been very straight-faced and somber looking. He doesn't smile or giggle too often, and he cries a lot. He's got some major separation anxiety issues right now...it's to the point where if I do so much as stand up while he's sitting on the floor, he starts whining and climbing up on my legs. He will follow me around the house whining to be held while I'm doing other things. I've tried books, toys, household items, etc. to try to entertain him, but he usually has no interest. The only thing I've done that seems to be ok with him is putting him in the pack n play with a muscial toy and the tv on. I've asked his mother if there's anything she does at home that makes him happy, and she said there's really not much. I understand that a lot of babies go through a stage of separation anxiety, but his generally unhappy disposition is what concerns me the most. Could this be a marker for a bigger problem like autism or any other disorders? I feel bad that he's so unhappy all the time, and I really empathize with his mom for having such a challenging little guy.
K.,
Unfortunately, it does sound like the child may have autism or some other developmental problem.
Hi K.,
All I can say is get something that you can hold him in to do your work when you are not sitting down. What needs to be done if the child has separation anxiety, you have to hold him. Somehow our culture thinks that babies are to be born and sent to daycare or babysitters without difficulties. Some babies need to be held longer than others. This baby needs attachment and bonding. Give it to him. That's what surrogate mothers do. Babies stop crying when their needs are met. You have to figure out what they are. Good luck. D.
Maybe holding him more would help-=-- I know that is hard, but it may be he really needs the extra cuddling. a sling may work great- you can use them even at this age...
I have some experience with autism-I've worked in ABA therapy and tutoring children with autism for 10 years. I studied and read a lot about it. Unhappiness is not a developmental marker for autism. Some of the signs are delayed development (no eye contact-or sustained eye contact), unusual play with toys (lining things up instead of playing with them as intended, watching the wheels on cars instead of driving them around places)and usually a lack of interest in peers or socialization ie being unaware of people around them. Be careful suggesting this if you see signs unless the mother already has suspicions. It's very scary and hard to deal. He'd need to be evaluated by a specialist at the Kennedy Krieger Institute or Children's (I think that's the other place).
That's not say you shouldn't be concerned. As a daycare provider you can't spend you day giving all your attention to this little guy. It could be a learned behavior, he's just used to being that doted on and not entertaining himself. Very easy to do with first children or only children. :) In this case get creative. Try to find something that might get him interested enough to let you walk away. Coloring, Finger Paint--I'd recommend the Color Wonders so you don't have to worry about mess. Or maybe a water station at the kitchen table. A little water to clean up for some time to get away might be worth it. If that's all it is, once he gets used to the seperation, he'll do more on his own.
Or it could be he has abandonment issues-I don't know his home life. A counselor could help with that.
Please encourage the parents to have the baby evaluated. If intervention is needed, the earlier you get it, the better. If you get a diagnosis of autism, be very very aggressive in getting all the services you need from public and private sources. I wish my family had not waited to seek evaluation for my niece who is now severely disabled at 19 years old.
K. - I wanted to take some time to comment on this because my middle son was a miserable child! From the 2nd day we had him, he would cry miserably!
Everything you are discussing is things that I went through with him. To this day (he is 7) we swear he thinks the word is against him!
I can remember not even being able to take a shower because he would scream AT the see through shower door. It was just miserable!!!
I remember begging doctors to figure out what was wrong with him and fix him at the age of 2 because I was going insane! I am a happy positive person and enjoy like that way! I HATE to be miserable!! So to have a child that was no matter what I did was VERY hard for me.
The doctors told me because his development remained on track and where it should be, that there was no need for concern with any medical problems.
I just began to sit him in the "cry chair" in his room when he would start crying. I would tell him if he needed to be sad, then he needed to go to his room and do it in the cry chair. This seemed to deter it a bit for a while.
I can tell you he does smile from time to time, but again... he is 7 and really does act like the world hates him. Sometimes I think it can run in the family, because I am told I had a grandfather that was the SAME way his entire life.
It is hard for me to understand since I am so different from that, but I have learned to try and embrace it, ignore it and push forward
HTH
Jenn
Mama to Bryce~10 Austin~7 Taylor~2
Step mama too...
I'd second (or third?) the carrying him idea. I used to babysit as well, and I really noticed how carrying those little ones around helped them feel safe and secure with me. A lot of people I know have loved the Ergo carrier for little ones that were older and out of something like a Bjorn. That way he can be on your back. It sounds like he might need a little one on one time, getting down with him (and your daughter) and really focusing on what he's playing. I wasn't able to get much done around the house other than feed the kids and myself when I was babysitting because when they are so young, they really crave closeness. I also found that they became less demanding if they knew that I had a history of being with them, and then I could go throw the laundry in, as long as I came back to them. I'm also finding that, as my son gets on to being two, I am able to say, I've spent 15 minutes with you, and my timer is beeping, so I need to go switch the laundry/make lunch/take a minute for some Mommy time. I think that has come from really trying to focus my attention on him and my daughter when I am with them so consistently. That might bring about a change in his demeanor, because if his parents are working, you might be the only adult that he gets long-term attention from.
My first question is how are his sleep patterns? Look at the most simple solutions first and move on from there. Another thing to look at is his diet. Some food allergies are overlooked in children such as diary and wheat. If they aren't feeling well, they aren't happy. Children are creatures of habit. If he has always been held, etc. that is what he will expect and he won't feel comfortable otherwise. If his development is normal I wouldn't be too alarmed.
Hi. I'm sorry to hear about such a sad little guy. Does he get a chance to play with other kids? Does he interact well with them? Has his mom talked to the doctor? Does he have any problems with food? My niece who's 5 months old has literally cried constantly since birth. Then she started spitting up her formula. After some specialized tests, it turns out that she has severe reflux and she cries cuz of the gas in her belly.
If there doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong, has she considered seeing a child psychologist? I know that people don't like psychologists, but they exist for a reason. They could run some behavior tests and help the mom determine if there are any bigger underlying issues. If there are underlying issues, the earlier they start a guide plan the better he will become.
Good luck.
M.
I can totally relate... my daughter who is now 4 was like that until she was about 18 months. From the second she was born, she would not let me leave her sight or she would scream and cry. She was not interested in toys at all, only me and only wanted to be held 24/7. She hated her swing, her bouncy chair everything, her toys... everything. We had discussed it with the dr. and since she appeared healthy and developing normally there were no causes for concern. At 12 months, when she was sick she had a seizure and stopped breathing. We took her to the hospital and they thought it was probably a febrile seizure or maybe she didn't have one at all (my husband has them, so I know what one is like). 3 months later at 15 months, she had another one... back to the hospital, they release us, another one in the car, back to the hospital and she has 4 more. Still to this day we don't know what caused them. They put her on a medicine which really made her grumpier than ever, you could tell she felt horrible on the medicine. Slowly, she came off it and I had this happy child! Now, she is the sweetest, lovingest thing ever. She stilll loves to be held and demands much attention, but she plays and is so social. It was like night and day. To this day, we don't know what the cause was for all her unhappiness... it was very eyeopening, when at the time her brother said one day (he was 3 then)..."Baby sister's happy now". I think maybe some of it is personality, but it is hard to say... I think we all worry about autism, I know I did. The best bet is for the parents to talk to the dr. if they are concerned. Good luck and I really feel for you...
L.
Hi K., the short answer to your question is YES.. Unfortunately, all of what you mentioned are tale tale signs, even the fact that music is the only thing that he responds to. Its never too early for early intervention though. If you really want to help (and have time) a novel written by catherine maurice is great.. its called Let me hear your voice.. about her own struggle with autism in her two kids and a behavioral program that worked wonders. Good Luck! oh and I'm not a professional.. just a mom of four, whose third born was diagnosed with autism. You'd never know it now though. L.
Not to be alarming, but this is not normal. If all the child's needs are being met then they are typically happy. Someone mentioned the signs of autism that you might want to keep an eye out for. This is something to consider if he meets any of the red flags, but it is harder to diagnose under 18 months. Also another consideration is that he could have sensory defensiveness to sound, light, touch, ect.... If he is a sensory defensive child then he is always on high alert, which can make anyone unhappy! This is just a thought to look at if there are specific triggers to his unhappiness. I am a pediatric occupational therapist, so I am used to working with children with both autism & sensory defensiveness. If you have more specific questions you or his mother are welcome to reply to the message.
