Future Mother in Law

Updated on November 22, 2006
T.F. asks from Perrysburg, OH
7 answers

I have another dilema approaching. My fiance's mother is sick (she has MS which is causing emotional & psychological issues) and she hasnt worked in quite a while. Now shes in danger of being evicted and has lost her vehicle. My fiance and I live in a small two bedroom with my son and we barely have room for ourselves. My fiance has told her that she couldnt come live with us for one because she had a dog and we obviously do not have the room. Well she told him the other day that she got rid of the dog so that if she had to then she could move in here. Neither of us could live with her nor can we help her out of her finacial situation. We just have no idea what to do and his brother doesnt seem to be able to help either. Any ideas on how to deal with this would be helpful.

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So What Happened?

Here is what we are doing to help my future mother in law. We are very conciously making sure shes eating and grocery shopping for her, taking over her checkbook to make sure things get paid and looking into a one bedroom apt here where we live for when she needs it. Living so close we can check on her and take her where she needs to go. Thanks for all the suggestions.

More Answers

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H.L.

answers from Cleveland on

Get her a referral to the Mellon Clinic (part of Cleveland Clinic) My mother has had MS for over 13 years now. the Mellon Clinic has done wonders for her. She was at a point she needed a brace for her foot and a wheelchair, she had vision problems and needed a tens unit to stimulate her legg muscles. After being treated there she is now able to walk with only the aid of her cane for balance and does not need the other devices. The treatment for MS has come a long way in those 12 years.

The clinic will also be able to help find a social worker for her who can help her find appropriate housing, and a therapist for her mental stability and file for disability.

Good Luck and don't worry it is not the end of the world, MS is a touchy disease and it does effect everyone differently. Also it does come and go out of remmission so she will have good and bad days.

H.

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C.

answers from Dayton on

Check with the YWCA, if you have one. My mom lived there for years and she loved it. It was reasonable and there were activities and other people her age.

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S.Q.

answers from Youngstown on

i can see it either way. i know it is going to be a big lifestyle change to have someone else in your home, especially it being your mother in law! and space is going to get even more cramped. but if you make sure she understands the rules of your home and cleans up after herself and pitches in a little, it may be a good short term solution to her problem. i assume she is older and not in the greatest of health. and with the holidays approaching and being evicted...imagine how she feels! i know her being there wont always make for the greatest time while your home with her..but for a little while you may have to bear it. but make sure she knows that she cant possibly live there forever. give her a guideline for finding independance again and help her get there if necessary.
you may even end up enjoying having her there. she might help with dinner and food costs and even lend a hand with your son if you want to skip out without him.

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S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hello,

Have you gotten in touch with her extended family members? You are not solely responsible for her welfare, nor do you have room to take her in. Call on your extended family to help! That's what families are for. Some may be able to help financially or with other arrangements, paperwork, phone calls or anything else.
S.

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K.L.

answers from Toledo on

Does she get any kind of assistance from the government or medical? If she has some sort of income maybe you could look into a larger apartment and she could help with the bills. I had an aunt with ms and now have a friend with ms. I know how lonely it can be when you are sick and noone wants to be around you maybe because they get depressed. I don't know the situation on why you can't live with her but give it a chance and help her as best you can. She is the only mom he will have and sometimes we have to put aside our differences and help those in need.

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P.D.

answers from Canton on

T.,
This is a touchy subject. First of all, I would do all the leg work for her; finding an in-home care taker.
She may qualify for in-home health care. That way the only burden you have is making sure you have someone dependable.
A CNA or STNA to come in and do light housework, grocery shopping, give them there meds, give them baths, would be the perfect idea.
You do the leg work with your husband.
That way he doesn't think that you just don't want his mother
and she wouldn't need the dog anyways because that would be more work on her and she is not able to take care of a dog.
Now, don't forget to visit. Maybe take the "dinner" to her
so that she don't get no ideas if you we're to have her over.
(smile) Just don't forget about her-that would be a shame.
If the subj, comes up again, just explain to her I am not medically qualified to take care of you and if something would happen, God forbid, I want you to have the best care.
You have to lay it all out for her.
Not that, hey, I don't want you here and neither does your son.
Not nice* so you have to be tactful!
Check into elderly housing or subsadizing housing.

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S.H.

answers from Columbus on

I agree with a couple of the other people who've answered, she's his Mom, and she needs him. And you, as a mother, know all that she has done for him. If no one else in this world deserves for you to give up a little comfort, SHE DOES. If I were you I'd be ashamed of myself for even thinking of turning her away.
Last year, at Christmas, My fiance's(at the time, we are married now) mother and sister and her three son's got evicted.He and I live in a two bedoom condo with my two daughters, and our dog. Its a VERY tight squeeze. I am not a huge fan of his mother, or his sister, but I know that they are his only family, and thats, all I need to know. I am his family now, and if the rest of his family ever needed my/our help, WE would be there in a second.

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