I went back to work full time 3 months ago. I was lucky enough to stay at home till my daughter was 16 months. I have never been great at staying home and always loved to be back in a business environment. Now I am back at work am starting to feel guilty now for not having enough time to spend with my daughter. I work 40 hours and am constantly tired and when I come home I have no energy as have to cook clean iron etc etc. My husband still forget I work full time plus trying to give time to my very demanding toddler. My daughter has now started night waking and an early get up time of 5a.m. We also changed her daycare 1 month ago so she would be 5 minutes walk away from home as we were spending up to 2 hours each day in the car just to get to her. It's made life easier for us parents but know she is unsettled. I want the best for my daughter but selfishly want the best for me by working on my career. Should I feel guilty jack in my job and struggle on one income or maybe there are other working moms out there that could offer advice on how they cope with working full time and juggling life.
Thanks to everyone for their lovely words. It has taken some time for me to really process this and have admitted to myself that just for now I can't have it all, something has to give. My sense of well being has gone, i am tired and I look awful so am going to ask my boss if i can cut my hours. I listened to a debate on talk radio today and the debate was on working moms can you have it all. I think that there is no right or wrong and it suits the woman and the family. I have my fingers crossed that i can work part-time and if not time for a rethink and look for another role. When i have more time in my life then I will pick up my career and for now enjoy my family.
I have also lived in Holland and found that most companies are very "family-friendly". Why not explore the option of having a four-day work week? If you don't need the money, you can always keep up with your career part-time so as to to lose your edge, but you will never get the years back with your daughter.
I say happy mom means happy kids, and if working makes you happy it's probably better to work than to stay at home with your daughter missing work. If you are working full time your husband really needs to help more around the house but of course that's easier said than done. Would you enjoy working part time and is that an option in your line of work? That way you still get to be out having a professional life but maybe would not be so exhausted and would have more time with your daughter. Good luck, I know these decisions don't come easily.
Hi M.,
Balancing career and home is difficult for all moms; so you are not unusual in this. I would not, however, let guilt control your actions. We all make different choices. (No, we really cannot have it all!) If you love your career than do not give it up. If you sacrifice your own happiness to cater to what you believe, out of guilt, is best for your daughter, you will be dissatisfied and resentful.
Having a happy mom is what is best for baby. In addition, you will be a role model for your daughter as she grows up to be a strong woman who continues to value herself and her needs. Obviously, you still have many wrinkles to iron out. It sounds like moving your daughter to a new childcare provider is a good choice. Spending two hours a day on travel is two hours lost on other things. Your daughter will likely adjust very quickly. If she doesn't then there may be a bigger problem with the provider than simply the fact that it is new. Children tend to adjust very quickly to new environments as long as all of their needs are being met.
Once you have established a routine (and let go of your guilt) you will find that your choice to go back to work is a fine one and the time you do spend with your daughter will be more joyful and less stressful.
Best wishes and God bless your family.
J. L.
Hi M.,
Being a mother sure can be tough - we struggle with so many emotions. This is the way I've looked at it for me and my family and my husband totally agrees. Our kids will be little once and the window of opportunity to spend a lot of time with them closes very quickly because then they're off to school, getting involved in activities, then friends, then eventually they want you to drop them off a block from where they're meeting their friends. Before you know it, they don't want to spend time with you anymore, now they want their friends. Childhood just flies by. So, for us, it's been worth the sacrifice financially for me to only work 1 or 2 days a week. Once they go to school, there's plenty of time for a mother to work more hours or full time. Obviously, some mothers have absolutely no choice, they have to work full time just to survive, but if it's not necessary for you to work full time, then maybe you could work part time or just stay home until she goes to school. That way you're not sacrificing your need and desire to work forever - just putting it on hold for a little bit. In all my life I've never heard anyone say "I wish I worked more when my kids were little", but I've heard many say "I wish I spent more time with them when they were little". I hope this helps a little bit and gives you another perspective. I wish you all the best.
Jen
It sounds like it will be a bumpy few months, so be patient & you will settle into a routine. Lower your standards for cooking & cleaning and go easy on yourself. Spend 1:1 time with your daughter before bed & on weekends, but still do things alone and with you & husband. Good luck
