Frustrated - Mullins,SC

How long was he on the adhd medicine? I also have a son that at age 7 was going thru the same things as you are saying; he is almost 16 now. He was put on meds for adhd and it took nearly a year for us to really see a change in him. There are many different meds for adhd, maybe he needs a different med. to help him.
p.s. I also was very adament about not wanting my son on medication but now I'm glad that I listened to the Dr. and put him on the meds.btw he is still on them today. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Hi M., I have been doing the same thing this year with my son.He is in the first grade this year also. He has been tested for L.D. I have not gotten the last test back yet,but he has passed all of the other ones so far. He now is doing better in school.I talk to him and he finally told me that he doesn't like his teacher and that he felt like the kids in his class where making fun of him because he is slow. I told him that he doesn"t have to like his teacher and that i don't care about the other kids in the class,as long as he was trying his best. I have had 2 meeting with the school and his teacher she is some what working with us on this. I asked my son to do me a favor.To show the teachers how smart he is and that has made a big differnce ..I hope this helps .. I have not cried in 2 months now!.. Email if you need anymore info.

Hi M..
First of all, don't lose hope. You are doing a wonderful job!
Second of all, your story reminds me of my friend's. One of her children has been diagnosed as ADHD and ODD. The ODD is oppositional defiant disorder. Her son has rages for no good reason and lashes out at anything. Bath and bed times are pure torture. He fights with his brothers when he has to get off of the computer. He fights with his mother whenever she makes him do something he doesn't want to do. He is currently on medication for ADHD (not Ritalin...it's the one that begins with an A) and on Seraquil, which is an antipsychotic. The Seraquil is working wonders. He is not as defiant as he was and he's not even on his full dose yet. I know that putting your son on medication, especially an antipsychotic, is scary. I personally feel that children are already over medicated. But, sometimes medication is the only thing that can work. Talk with your doctor about ODD...maybe he hasn't thought about it (or heard about...I know I hadn't until I met my friend this year).
Good Luck and hang in there!
N.

Hey M.! I can't really give you any advice because I too have an 8 yr. old son who is doing basically the same thing. I am just as confused as you are because he was just a scholar at the beginning of the year and now I am getting phone calls from the teacher saying that he is not listening to her and does the total opposite of what she says and is being loud and I would guess you can call it being a class clown. My son too is normally a well behaved child so this is surprising to me. Lately he has been having this kind of behavior at home also and I try to talk to him but he doesn't say much. My situation is not like yours though because I also have a boyfriend who has been in my son's life for 6 of the 8 yrs. But the problem is, he too acts like a child and when I look at alot of the things my son does as far as behavior, I realize that my boyfriend does the same things. I wonder if he is the cause of alot of the issues with my son and maybe it did not mean anything before, my son is now at the age where he is thinking that this is the appropriate thing to do. I am in the process of removing my "friend" from our lives. It just does not seem healthy anymore especially for my son. Not to mention I also have a 15mth old daughter which is from my boyfriend and I am now wondering how all of that is going to go once she gets older. Look, the only thing that I can say is that, remember our children are our future and only we can make those critical decissions that they can't, and all we can do is pray they are the right ones. Just love your child, you can never tell them enough how much you love them, and just continue to do what you think is right. I too do not believe in the medicating of children, because there is enough kids out there with drug issues and some could stem from childhood drugs. I think that keeping our children active and playing an active roll in their lives will help more than we think. I know this is not what you were looking for and I have gone on and on about my problems but I guess we are on here to vent as well as see that we are not alone, and we all go through these things. Just continue to be a good mother, thats all the advice I can really give right now. Good luck!! I will pray for you all!!!

It sounds like he may have a mild learning disability. Not saying that he is not intelligent, but that he has trouble with certain tasks. I know there was a guy in my high school who was a genius on the IQ level, but he could not take written tests, he would fail them almost every time. He has trouble with the reading and comprehensive part and when they realized this and someone who read him the test and allow him to answer he scored straight A's. It wasn't that he was ignorant it was the process wasn't working. You may need to have him tested in this way. If he tends to get stressed in situations like this and either doesn't finish the test, or doesn't finish the game on the play ground it could be he just needs to be shown a different method and have a teacher who is willing to help him. Which may require him be in a smaller group setting with a teacher who is experienced with children who need to learn a little different than the box that student's are put in these days in most schools. I say just look outside the box and see if you can find a place that will test him so that you can better now how to address his needs.

You might want to see someone who specializes in autism to see if it might be Aspergers.
Also talk to him and see if he is having any sensory issues. The lights at school might be too loud for him or something like that you never know. And yes I said lights, they can give off a buzzing noise that some kids can hear and it's really distracting for them.

N.

Hi my name is J.. I have a 15 yr old 10 yr old & an 8 yr old. My 15 yr old had problems pretty much as soon as she was in pre-k. They held her back in kindergarten. We tried all kinds of medicine. None worked she became lathargic..lost too much weight. I started an award system. I bought things that she liked and if she did her school work & chores on friday she got to pick from the award bucket. You have to remain consistent. I was told by a counselor when they she would get really bad to take everything from her room except a blanket & pillow. No bed. Nothing. I also spoke with social services. She had to earn it back. I live in Holly Ridge. Do you have a good church you are involved in? I believe it takes a whole community to raise a child. We all need to help eachother. I will pray for you. I do know of a doctor you might not have tried. If u want to e-mail me please feel free.
____@____.com

It sounds to me like you should really follow your heart on this one. You have alot on your plate and raising children is very challenging! It's hard to
NOT listen to other people but remember~humans are naturally fickle and moody. Also, there are so many methods and styles of teaching. Perhaps your son needs a different "type" of teacher. Some kids are more hands on. They struggle more when they are above average. There are many different schools out there. I've hear of a public school with a montessori program here in town. I have a 5 year old who sounds so much like your son. Right now he's at Maranatha but I'm not sure that will work for him the older he gets. They are extremely structured. On the other hand, he needs to respect authority and learn how to obey rules. I know it's frustrating but don't give up! We can only learn our children's potential by trial and error,unfortunately. Hope this helps...

Hi M.,

I have a son who had difficulty in the 1st grade as well. He was diagnosed with ADHD. As most parents I didn't want to put him on any medications. I spoke to a specialists and did some homework on the subject. What work out for my son and I was getting him involved with afterschool activities. Don't worry about long range events but day to day events. He will have good days and bad days. My son on the week days to help him in school was put on Ritalin and then on the weekends and holidays and summer vacations I take him off. I had to teach my son how to focus. I also signed him up playing peewee baseball. He really enjoyed that. If he had a good day at school I would treat him to ice cream(he loves Diary Queen). If he had a bad day than he could not go outside and play or watch his favorite cartoons. We struggle alot, but by the time he was in 5th grade he was completely off the Ritalin and even though he is no honor roll kid he does his best by his own will. He still struggles with comprehension, but he knows he has to work harder. He is a junior now and is an A-B student. I guess my point is be patient and take it day by day. Talk to him, tell him why he gets frustrated. He might have signs of OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder). The fact that you are seeking help is in the step of the right direction. I hope my situation helps. Congratulation on your upcoming graduation. Good Luck and I will say a prayer for you.

I know being a single parent is hard enough and going to school yourself to better you and a life for your kids also adds to the challenge. But I didn't see you mention it so I was wondering if you've ever sat your son down and talked to him about his behaviour. Asked him why he gets frustrated so easliy or doesn't finsh his school work. It could be his way of acting out to get attention from you if he feels left out at home. Seeing he has a younger brother very close in age, you going to school and I'm sure a part time job-he may be feeling left out. My 6yr old daughter acted out not too long after I had my son because she realized she wasn't getting all the attention anymore (she was 5 when I had him). She even made the comment that he should be thrown away cause she didn't want a baby brother!!

Hang in there and talk to your son one on one with no one else around. Maybe you'll see things get better over the summer after you graduate if you don't go back to school afterwards.

I to have been through that same problem. Just not to the extreme that you are going through. I found that when I set aside some time to talk to my son one on one and just asked him what was going on that seemed to help and he was able to express his feelings. In my case he was missing his father and hated the fact that we had to move. So I would try to talk to him. Keep your head up and know that everything will come to pass if you ever just want to talk you can call me anytime ###-###-####wk ###-###-#### just ask to speak to D.

HI,M.!I'M T. AND WELCOME TO "US"!!LOL!!FIRST,LET ME TELL YOU I ALWAYS TYPE IN ALL CAPS CAUSE I HAVE A NERVE CONDITION AND IT IS JUST EASIER.IT IS POSTED ON MY PROFILE BUT SOME TAKE OFFENSE THAT I'M YELLING AND I'M NOT.FIRST,LET ME TELL YOU THAT I HAVE A 7 YEAR OLD THAT IS GOING THROUGH SIMILAR PROBLEMS AND I INSISTED THAT THEY DO A CT SCAN ON HIM AND THEY DID FIND AN ABNORMILTY AND ARE GOING FOR A MRI WELL, TOMORROW!SO , I COMPLETELY CAN RELATE!I HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR SON TO BIBLE SCHOOL AND SUNDAY SCHOOL.SO, I'M GUESSING THAT YOU GO TO CHURCH?I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU BELEIVE AND IT REALLY ISN'T MY BUSINESS BUT I ASKED OUR PASTOR TO ANOINT ME IN MY SON'S PLACE AND THE ENTIRE CHURCH PRAYED FOR ME,AND HE HAS DONE ALOT BETTER.I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST M.!GOOD LUCK AND LOTS OF PRAYERS!!T.

Hey M.,

I have a friend who just went through the exact thing last year with her son. They almost put him in LD classes and finally realized that he was extremely bored with his "baby" work and just wouldn't even concentrate on it. My daughter also did this in her 4 year old class in preschool. Your son has been in schools and learning for a while now and this is all repetitive to him. Schedule a meeting with his principal or counselor at school about getting him into a gifted program. And meanwhile with him at home, I would just tell him constantly that you understand that he is bored in school because he already knows the work and your trying to work on a solution, but you need him to be patient and do his best. Sometimes just letting them know you identify and understand helps them. Good luck, and be proud you have an awesome kid there you just have to deal with the schools!

A.

Hi M.!

I hope I'm not compeltely off, and though my daughter is only 3, I've seen this happen with several other children. I think there is a tendency to check for the worst because we fear it may be the worst, sometimes. If councellors, doctors, etc don't seem to find anything wrong, AND you've received multiple opinions, then it's likely that everyone's just looked in the wrong places. My husband did the exact same thing when he was that age and as it turned out, his vision suddenly began a rapid decline so that he couldn't see properly. When he couldn't read something, color in the lines, etc, he would get incredibly frustrated. They get scared and frustrated. Another friend of mine experienced the same thing with her child and after all the drugs, tests, etc, they finally discovered he's dyslexic.

I don't know if you've looked into "other" possibilities such as those yet, but it doesn't seem that your son has a clinical, mental disability. Another thing to consider, has there been any significant changes in your lives just prior to his rapid change in behavior? Sometimes things that are easier for us adults to handle are not as easily adjusted to a child. I would also be cautious to take a friendly approach towards him rather than accusational or disapproving disciplinary actions. I don't think it is something your son is doing out of spite, since he's never been this way. Talk to him and tell him it is important that he does well in school and you're proud of him for trying but you know something is bothering him and you want to help.

I'm sure you're having a very difficult time and I hope I've helped in inspiring new ideas, at least! Good luck with your son!!

M., I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. I am sorry to regret that I don't have an answer to your problem, however I will pray for you and your family.

Do you think that he might be bored with the work? My sister had a high IQ and a lot of the problems that you mentioned. She did really well on some standardized tests and her teacher recommended that she skip a grade so she would be more challenged. She did and everything turned around - she was challenged and started doing much better. My little one is not in school yet so I don't know a lot about schools in the area but are their any resource schools around here geared toward the gifted?

Sorry I don't have more advice, but good luck!!!

Hey M.,
Welcome and I'm sure you were sent here to get the help you need! I am a homeschooler and, oddly enough, what you are telling me about your son is VERY common amongst the many homeschoolers. One thing you will want to check is his diet. We've found that most children do not need any drugs at all, they just need a cleaner diet. Make sure that he is getting a lot of fruits and vegetables that are fresh. The more "natural" a diet, the better, meaning less pre-packaged foods...just what a busy mom needs to hear, right? We eat out and buy junk once in a while, but for the most part, I buy foods fresh or frozen and just cook. There are a lot of cookbooks out there that have easy and quick recipes that you can make from fresh, non-processed foods. We had one family who had all her children diagnosed with ADD & ADHD. She pulled them out of school, changed their diet and they are all doing fantastic. If your interested in homeschooling, please let me know. I'll be more than glad to send you all kinds of information, including a little bit about being a single homeschooling, working parent. There are ways. Most children that age do not test well anyway...they are 7! I stopped testing completely and mu daughter LOVES learning. We just change the way we "test". I have a lot more information for you, but just felt inspired to add what I have.
Let me know how I can help you!
Y.