Friendships??

I feel this way too. And then I remind myself that things are a lot more complicated now that we are older and now that we are Moms. For instance, as a Mom, you have higher standards than you did when you were younger. Additionally, you have different priorities and even different parenting styles. This is not to say it's bad, it just makes it harder to connect with other Moms. There is also a rift between the working Moms and the Stay-at-Home Mom communities. And then you add in your girlfriends that don't have children, aren't planning on having children and/or aren't even married and you have a whole big mess.

Then you add in the time factor. When you have a hubby, a house and children, your time becomes little to none. It's amazing that anyone is able to have friendships, etc.

Hope this helps. You are not alone and it will get better as you get more settled in your life of Mommyhood and get adjusted. Hang in there.

N

Hi Tiffany,

I know what you mean, I had a couple of good friends with kids but looking for more socialization for just me. My neighbor brought me to bunco with her moms group four years ago and I was hooked. I joined the group mostly for me the first year or so and only did a few kid activities. Now I can't imagine not getting together at least once a week with my new found mommma friends and my kids have their own friends as well. We have formed great friendships. I am not sure where you are located but our members are in the following areas: Algonquin, LITH, Crystal Lake, Cary, Woodstock, Huntley & some surrounding areas. Every month we have planned kid's parties and activities and mom only events like bunco, scrapbooking, book club and moms night out. We also have playgroups. If you are interested in getting more info, you can email me at ____@____.com a great day & good luck!
C.

Yep, I joined a few moms groups that were just gossipy, clique-oriented, judgemental groups. The couple I am a part of now seem to be much better and not so "high schoolish". I have a really good friend (best friend since high school) who lives in UT and we speak once a week, but no really good friends I really connect with here. I wish there were, but at the same time, I'm so busy with my family that I'm not really all that worried about it. I do have people I enjoy spending time with and we get together when we can.

Are you a part of any local mom's groups? Meetup.com is a great place to find a bunch of groups in your area.

I was just having a conversation with my sister about this last night. I have a few neighbors that the kids have play dates with, and sometimes I'm invited and sometimes I'm not. I feel like I'm in high school again! I have learned not to let it bother me, I have great friends that I have had forever, it would just be nice to have a better relationship with the people that I see on a regular basis. People that I have talked to about this tell me that once the kids start school I will find other mom's that will become good friends. I guess we'll just have to keep looking for the right ones!!

Yes, I am particularly having a hard time with this. I have a lot of friends through my moms groups and school, but not any "best friends". I also feel like I am in high school again regarding a lot of my friends. I think that women in general just tend to be more competitive on things and are very gossipy in general. I wish it was easier because we all need support, but it isn't. We moved here 2 years ago, and I am still trying to find my niche. Try to join a moms group in the area, as I think that helps. I have some friends through there and it provides me with many fun outlets. But, as with any group of women, there will be drama. I am trying to tell myself that and try not to get so negative about things. But, it is so hard. I wish I could find just one true, best friend (other than my hubby :) ) and have other friends as well.

Tiffany,

I read your post this weekend and it just hit home. I've lived here my whole life and I have a few close friends (from Jr. High and High School) that I see on a regular basis. But, we met a couple a few years ago that both my husband and I both connected with. We started our families at the same time and our sons were 3 months apart. Unfortunately, they had to relocate to CA (can't blame them!) last Spring. It's weird, because at times, I've felt lost since they left. We used to spend 2-3 weekends together just hanging out with the kids or meeting up at a mall or trading off at eachother's house for pizza or whatever. We had the kind of relationship where I could call the wife last mintue and they'd be willing to just meet up. I miss that.

So, it is hard. I've been teasing with my husband that they need a friend-match.com! Meeting new people isn't really the problem, it's finding a couple that you have a connection with and your kids get along with. Parenting styles vary, schedules vary and all that plays into it.

--- T.