I do not usually post questions but wanted to get some Mommy Feedback on a friendship/relationship I have. A family moved across the street 3 years ago; relocating here from the West Coast. By chance they have two children, both the same ages as both of my children. The family soon "befriended" our family. For the most part we all get along and do a lot of outside activities together. The problem is her oldest child!! This child has been found to be a big liar and mess starter. This has been noticed even by peers & classmates. This child (looks a little different very short with funny hair and I think as a result seeks attention); This child loves to make up huge lies to get gossip going and to get kids to fued with other kids. My oldest has said that many classmates are even tired of the lies. Well recently one of these lies and pranks have gotton my child's name involved. I almost feel as if I do not want my child to be friends with this kid anymore. The problem is; if my oldest breaks off that friendhip; we still have to see them EVERYDAY. my youngest is friends with their youngest & the mom and I are friends. What should I do? We have to see them, our kids go to school together, play sports together and the mom and I are on three committees together. My husband can care less BTW. He thinks they are all "wierd" he says. Her husband is a little "off the rocking chair" too with his crazy humor, jokes and comments; but tolerable.
No, you don't need break off the friendship. You can talk to the mom about the specific incident, there no reason this kid needs to think he can get away with it, but there's no reason to make into a big dramatic deal either.
I think there must be a way for your oldest to cool it with his friendship with your neighbors friendship and the rest of you can remain friends. If your oldest no longer wants to carry on this friendship, then he should just start hanging out with other friends and not work that hard at maintaining that relationship. Since they are your neighbors and and you probably do run around is the same circles, it would be pretty akward for your entire family to drop their entire family as friends. I think that if your oldest just starts hanging out with different friends and is generally unavailable to hang out with this other kid, then it maybe perceived as two kids who were friends once and just drifted apart.
My grandmother always said to keep a friendly distance with neighbors and I can understand why...Kids go through this 'telling lies' stage, not all, but some, especially when seeking attention. Have you talked to the Mom about it, Im sure they are aware...I would suggest creating some sort of distance with the kids for now, but dont let it affect your relationship with the mom if you can. Im sure it will pass.
There are ways to limit their out of activity time together. I would start now finding other activities for your older child to do that this child is not involved in. I would look for things like gymnastics, dance, other sports organizations, etc...also make a request that they don't make it on the same teams. I usually ask when signing up that my little one not be on the best friends team. They pay a lot more attention if they are not together and visiting all the time. So we make sure they are on different teams. We want them to develop their own independance and have other friends too. Maybe you could also talk to the teachers at school and ask them to help keep the kids seperate at school too. If they are in the same class that may be really hard but I'd make sure the teacher knows what you are doing.
Weaning them away from each other may not be possible until school is out too. Get the kids in something the other kids are not involved in. Start having friends from other areas over to play with your older child too. That will start the process, if they have company they can't go play with that other child.
We had a similar situation between two of our neighbors that have sons the same age. They've been friends forever, but this year (4th Grade), things just got out of control. The parents talked to each other, talked to teachers and involved the school because most incidents happened there. What ended up happening is one boy started some counseling sessions at school (working on what it means to be a friend, social skill building, etc). The parents of the other boy found an activity he liked outside of school and enrolled him in that.
Their friendship definitely cooled for awhile, but now they get together and are friendly at school. The parents' friendship didn't change. I think there was a basic understanding that there was a problem that needed to be addressed. Thankfully, the mom of the boy who got the counseling is a counselor herself, and didn't freak out or get defensive about her son's behavior.
But everyone is different. I don't have any advice, except I would bring it up with the boy's parents and go from there.
Good luck.
I agree with the others that the friendship should be broken apart, but I would seriously talk with the mom and tell her what is going on. She might be in the dark because other mom's don't talk to her about her sons problems. I think since her son involved your son, there needs to be a talking to.
I would honestly stay out of it altogether. You don't say how your child is involved, but if your child was the target of the prank you should have a conversation with the mother. If you child was an accomplice, then have a conversation with your child about the need to do what's right even if it results in some peer pressure to do otherwise.
This is an issue with the "other child", so do what you can to keep the activities to "family or group" activities and don't insist that your older child have 1:1 playtime. Your lives are very much intertwined due to your proximity and related activities so you don't really want to make an issue out of this b/c there really isn't an issue to be made.
If your oldest doesn't want to play with the child, fine. Don't force him/her to do so unless it a "group thing", but other than that your husband is probably right on this one!
Since you are friends with the Mother... tell her what and how her oldest child included your child in an outright lie to incite gossip. The Mom may have no clue - children will act differently with parents than with others.
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You don't say how old the kids are, but I if they're school aged, I'd let them do what they're going to do. In other words, let your child handle this how he wants to.
You don't owe anyone an explanation his behavior, and should the other mom ask you about it (which if she's oblivious to this kid's behavior, she probably won't even notice), then you just give her the straight answer.
It may cause ripple, but you don't need to apologize or explain. At the same time, you're empowering your kid to deal with drama on his own.
If no one's really being hurt, don't get involved between 2 kids. Let them learn!
Teach your kids to be respectful of other peoples' quirks and differences, but let them handle it.
Maintain good relationships with your neighbors. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you! I've always asked my neighbors to tell me if they notice a problem with my house or kids' behavior in the neighborhood. And I tell them the same if I notice problems. It's a good arrangement, as old as time.
No one can keep an eye on their own kids 24/7. If their kids' behavior is causing trouble, then tell them--respectfully. They'd probably appreciate the fact that someone cares. Minnesotans are way too tight-lipped.
