Friend Wearing Out Her Welcome

Of course you shouldn't feel guilty! This woman has taken a ridiculous amount of liberties with your lifelong friendship and lowered it to such a poor level of respect for you, your daughter and your home, that she is no better than a panhandler! Look at the example she is setting for her children! If she has no utilities, I'm surprised the authorities or her ex haven't take the children from her.

Your home is also your daughter's. You're putting her in a position of having to regularly be shown she doesn't count in her own home. Is that the message you want her to grow up with when creating relationships?

You need to be frank with this so called friend and let her know as a single mother, you have rules for your spending and household in order to care for your family. If this were to go on over many years, think of the amount of money that could have been going into your daughter's college fund!!

This woman is not your friend. Friends do NOT take advantage of those they care about! Obviously she has also done this to everyone else she knows since she's having trouble finding a place to stay! If she doesn't want to step up to the plate and be a real friend, give me a shout! I have an 8-1/2 year old daughter who loves having her little friends over!

You should definitely not feel guilty about it. It is your house and ultimately your money. I am surprised it has gone on this long before you put an end to it.

Don't give in either. She may be waiting for you to cave and say since she can't find a good time, go ahead and come stay with you.

Later on she will see that what you did was a good thing and only a good friend will do the right thing.

I'd do the same thing if in your shoes.

K.,

You're not a bad person for saying "no" to your friend. I know she's your best friend, but she needs to take steps to better her situation. Two years seems like a substantial amount of time to "get the ball rolling". You may have to have to sit down with her and have a real heart to heart conversation about what has been happening for the past couple of years. Encourage her to take the steps necessary to get her life back on track. You didn't mention if she has a job or not, but if she doesn't she needs to get one. Also, it seems this dream of hers to "live off the land" is unrealistic. If she's broke all of the time how will the cabin ever get "fixed up"? It just sounds to me like you friend has made some poor choices. The good news is that most likely they can be fixed, she just needs to be willing to take the steps necessary. It seems to me that she should sell the cabin and move to a home with running water. Then get a job to ease her financial burden. Just remember, you are not a bad person.

Good luck,

S.

K.,
I would tell her that while you loved having her in the past, with your daughter getting older and finances getting tighter, you can no longer host them for such a long visit. I'd tell her that you would love to have them over for dinner or something while they are here next.
Don't feel bad-you've been more than accomodating!

Wow, yes you should talk to her. Tell her money is tight and you just can't do it any more. Help her think of alternative places to stay.

Also, just curious since I am from New Mexico and moved to Overland Park last year. Where in New Mexico is she "living off the land"? And why did she move there if it would mean so much travel and she doesn't have money?

Don't feel bad about it. She has made her choices in life even if they are not the best ones. You have your own family to care for and she must find more suitable ways to take care of her own. Sponging off of your freinds is no way to live, and you quickly turn your freinds into your enemies. Believe me, for the sake of your own family, you did the right thing.

I agree with everyone else that has responded. You should not feel guilty, you have done more than enough to help her and her kids. It is easy for me to say that of course since I am not in the situation, but hopefully if she really is your friend, if you explain to her what is going on she will understand and if she doesn't then she isn't a real friend.

I was also just wondering, what kind of work do you do from your home (if you don't mind me asking)?

Talk to her about it. If she is your best friend she will understand and not be offended! Good Luck!