Friend's New Baby Has down Syndrome

Please read this blog post. I will warn you that it is a tear jerker! But the most beautiful story ever! http://enjoyingthesmallthings.blogspot.com/2010_01_01_arc...

I agree with Denise - just treat this baby like any other baby. Make all the usual comments - she is so precious, is she a good eater, is she a good sleeper, what a cute outfit she has on, offer to come over and help with household chores if they need it - for after all, they are new parents just like any of us were! They are probably sleep deprived, constantly worrying over what to do, all the usual things. I wouldn't mention the baby's Down Syndrome; just celebrate the joy of this new baby with them!

Just treat this birth as you would any other new arrival! Ooooooh and Ahhhhh over the pictures and buy a nice gift and card. No need to comment on the Downs at all.

It is a child like any other. No parent of a Down's baby, wants others to "seem" disappointed for them. It will just bring more stress to them or unwanted feelings.

You do NOT say "I'm sorry" for your baby. It is not needed and might be more hurtful to the new parents.

My cousin, has a Down's Baby... they are THRILLED with their baby. They see their baby as any other, and view their baby as MORE special than others. They incorporate their baby into everything they do, and are not in the least ashamed or "hurt" by it. They are PROUD of their baby... and he is a real cutie with lots of personality. A real gem.

All the best,
Susan

Hi A.! I have a website for you to share with your friends. It will have you in awe of this family's story. It's truly beautiful.
http://enjoyingthesmallthings.blogspot.com/2010/01/nella-...

Through the years they will face struggles, tears, laughter, joy, frustration, fear, hope, thankfulness......the list goes on! I worked for several years with children and adults with Down's Syndrome and I consider them among my most treasured friends.
You are an INCREDIBLE friend to want to support them! Please, share that website with them. It will encourage them SO much!

That is such a tough question. I don't really have an answer, but wanted you to know I really admire your desire to do/say the right thing. God bless your kindness.

I pretty much agree with Denise unless it comes up somehow (would have to see how it goes).

I have a child w/ special needs (autism) and the joys far outweigh the challenges for myself, and for a lot of families. Raising a child w/ special needs has been the most amazing, wonderful journey, one that I wouldn't trade for anything. I agree w/ the other moms who advised to treat the baby's birth as you would any other child's birth, as something to celebrate. As time passes invite their daughter to birthday parties and playdates, offer to swap childcare (if that is something that you would have felt comfortable doing with them anyway), etc. It might be kind of awkward to "avoid" mentioning Down Syndrome (kind of like the elephant in the room, if you know what I mean). It depends on how close you are with them, but if they bring it up, then feel free to talk about it or ask questions. Stay away from any kind of "platitudes"...parents need time to grieve the child they thought they were going to have, and to adjust to the child that they do have. With time, they will recognize that they are going to be SOOO blessed by their special little girl, but it may not be that helpful for other people to say that to them, unless they themselves are also parents of a child with special-needs. It's something they need to discover for themselves in their own time.
God Bless you for being a caring person and taking time to find out how to be encouraging to these new parents!
Take care,
A.

Hey A.,
There is nothing wrong with a Down's baby. Your friend's daughter is just the way God made her. She will have struggles and the degree of issues or severity will vary, but none the less she is perfect. Trisomoy 21 is not the only struggle any parent will ever have. There are many other imperfections that any baby can be born with, hence a struggle, but all in all, those imperfections make them individually perfect. So tell your friend's congratulations on the birth of the baby blessing. Then be prepared to scoop them up if needed based on their response. God didn't choose a baby for them, he choose them for this little girl. They will be excellent parents. She is a blessing, no matter how she arrived. If you can or are close enough offer to babysit so they can get a dinner alone. Of course any new parent would appreciate the offer and eventaully want to take you up on it. Stay positive and many prayers for your friends and all the wonderous joys of parenthood.
God Bless,
-MB

I see from the date that your friend's baby has probably arrived. I have a little boy with Downs who is six. I can tell you first hand to tell your friend congrats!! His child is a precious miracle and God will pour His blessings on that family!!! I live in Dothan and my name is L. M.. Please find me on FB if you would like to pass my name on to your friends. I can also tell you that friendship has gotten me through some tough times. All you need to do is be there for them with a smile. Please let me know if I can help.

I have a daughter who has DS. Just tell the parents CONGRATULATIONS!!!

There was a question in the last day or two about a friends baby having mild DS, scroll back and check out the answers they got, some are really interesting. DS isn't always such a bad thing. It is one of he highest functioning disabilities a child can have if it is mild enough. Even if it's more severe they are still the most loving and kind hearted people God has put on this earth.

Bless your heart for loving your friend so much and want ing to be supportive. One of my good friends has an adult son who has Moderate DS and she tells everyone who will listen that he is the best thing that ever happened to her, he changed her life for the better.

I had my first son at age 20 and he has Down Syndrome. The absolute worst words I heard were "I'm sorry". Just be encouraging to your friends....tell them how beautiful she is. My son is now 8 yrs old and is the happiest little boy you could ever meet. He loves everyone he comes in contact with and everyone loves him. Just offer your support and let them know you will always there to talk or help. Good luck and congrats to your friends on their new gift!

A. K

my little brother has DS and it is not a struggle anymore than having a"normal" child. it is actually a special sweet blessing to have a child with DS they teach you so much he has no idea he is any different than anyone else b/c we never treated him that way he is also very popular at school everyone loves him and he's so smart i just cant imagine this being a sad or upseting event a perfect little baby was born please be excited for them b/c they will soon realize if they havent already what a special gift they have been given!

where i go to shop there is a girl there works there that has downs. She seems normal except for the deformities in the face that comes with downs. She goes ape over my baby and baby sits her niece and nephew and is perfectly capable of making a good call if necessary. Im sure shes supervised though. But she says she does the babysitting and her face lights up.
They are perfectly capable of living a somewhat normal life as long as the parents dont treat her like shes got a handicap. When i was pregnant with my miscarriage I was told my baby could have downs since i was old when I got pregnant. When I got pregnant again I got told the same thing. To do a downs test they have to take amniotic fluid which could cause a miscarriage. I chose not to take the test because I would love it either way. Fortunately it was a healthy boy. I know a boy that has ms and doesnt act like anything is wrong with him. His parents never treated him special due to his handicap. He was adjusted like any other kid. Maybe this is what they need to hear.

I think a congratulations and an offer of support is the best approach. Ask how they're doing and whether there's antyhing you can do to help. Also ask how their daughter is doing frequently.

I agree with Denise to treat him like any other child. From all the experiences I have had with families who have children with special needs, they are the greatest blessing.

If you haven't seen this clip from last night's Olympics, watch it all the way through. It discusses one of the American athletes who was critically injured in training and his family's experience with a Down Syndrome brother.

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/assetid=968d9b05-075e-42...

I agree! Any new baby is a blessing... be sensitive to the fact that your husbands friend may have a lot of inner conflict and go through a lot of ups and downs, but the fact remains the same- he just had his first child and that in itself it a miracle! Children are beautiful no matter what! Downs children are particularly sweet by nature, and this baby will be loved bunches. There's no need to bring up the condition, if he feels comfortable addressing it he will. While you and your husband are probably curious and have questions, he does too. Just because he has a child with downs syndrome doesn't mean he has all (or any of) the answers. Point is, a new baby is a joyous thing in any form :)

I am a mother of two children with disabilities. I agree with many of the other posters. Treat the baby like any other baby. Take cues from the mother. When she is ready to talk be there to listen to her. But never push the issue on her.

Hi A.,

I can understand your need to be excited yet apprehensive about the blessed event of your friends. Down's children are very special and add to the joy in any family. They are so loving and happy.

I found a website that might be very helpful. It's very encouraging and straight to the point. http://downsyndrome.about.com/od/downsyndromesupport/a/Wh...

Good luck. Join in the joy that your friend's have in having a new baby to love.

W.
(mother of a developmentaly delayed child)