18 Weeks Pregnant and Baby Diagnosed with down Syndrome

I was 33 when my son with Down Syndrome was born. He has taught me so much. He has the biggest laugh and smile you ever saw. He has beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair. He has the most forgiving spirit of anyone I know. However, he can also be one of the most stubborn people I know.
I have 5 kids. He is the 2nd oldest. One day last summer the ice cream truck came by. I gave all the kids money to get ice cream. At first, Ryan didn't want icecream, but at the last minute he grabbed some money and ran to the ice cream truck. He got an ice cream sandwich which he knew was my favorite. He came running back so proud of his ice cream sandwich. Little did I know he was running to give it to me. That is what a sweet spirit he has.

I just read this story the other day from another post on this site. It is a mother's story of the birth of her second daughter. However, they did not know in advance that the baby had Downs Syndrome.
http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-...

I had a lot of complications when I was pregnant with my son. I refused the tests because I figured if he was a fighter and survived the whole thing, I had to hang in there with him too.
Also, my doctor discussed the possibility of false positives for things and I just didn't want to torture myself anymore than I already had been.
My son was born healthy even though we had a terrible time.
I was in love with my baby and that's all that mattered. I figured that if I did lose him or something wasn't right in the end, he deserved to feel my loving heart beating so closely to him as he grew inside me no matter what.
Honey, I know this is hard on you. You are entitled to everything you are feeling, but remember that your baby needs to feel your love. Your baby needs you to take good care of yourself no matter what.
I do not have a child with Down's, but I was warned of the possibility. I feel fortunate to have known and loved children and adults with Down's and I'm so glad in this day and age they don't just take the babies away from their moms at birth and recommend institutionalizing these children. They can live very happy, enriching and productive lives. One of my son's best friends has a sister with Down's. We've known her since she was little. She goes to regular public school, church, plays sports, argues with her brother like a normal teen sibling. They don't treat her differently than any of the other kids so she's never really thought of herself as different.

I wouldn't tell anyone about this until you've had some time to absorb things a bit. Then, talk to your doctors. No one can really predict exactly how things will go.....just the same as with any birth.
Just resolve yourself to love your baby. One thing I know from all the families I have been close with is they say the same thing....
"We wouldn't go back and change a single thing."

I will keep you in my prayers.
Take good care of yourself!

My cousin who is my age and was born with Downs just passed away this week. I cannot even begin to tell you how much love and joy he brought into the lives of everyone who knew him. He has been an inspiration and an example to us all. He was pure and sweet. He loved to dance and sing and laugh. He loved his family with a deep unconditional pure love. To know that you have been blessed, chosen by God to be a parent to such a special, tender, precious individual is a blessing. There undoubtedly will be challenges, but you can face them. You simply need love and patience. Have faith. You can do this.

My 2nd child was born with DS when I was 33, he's almost 4 now andis the light of our lives. I prayed the whole pregnancy for a healthy baby, and that is exactly what we got with an extra chromsone! He has opened our eyes to a world we never knew, a world that makes you stop and enjoy the small things in life. We found out at birth and it was hard those first few weeks with all the hormonal emotions, but looking back he was really no different that my first. Yes he had therapies to help build his strength, crawl, etc and he accomplished it all in his own time. Every accomplishment became a huge celebration in our family and continues to, this kid is amazing!

I would contanct the Dallas DS Guild (http://www.downsyndromedallas.org/), they will be able to provide you with new parent information and if not, let me know. I am a member of the DS Partnership of Tarrant County (www.dsptc.org) and we have a new parent package and team that can talk with you or I am available at ____@____.com is hard to make that first step to contact the support groups, it took me 9 months, but we have all been in your shoes and I can't encourgae you enough to make that step. Please let me know if I can help, and by the way Congratulations!

A.

Karen A's post is one of the most beautiful story I have ever read. You will find peace with this! You really will. The story I'm posting was sent to me by a friend.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with special needs – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation …to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The coliseum, the Michaelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland ?!?” you say, “What do you mean, Holland, I signed up for Italy! All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has Windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
The pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

First of all, take some time to mourn the loss of the dreams of the future that you had for this baby. It doesn't mean that your baby's life won't be wonderful, only that it is not what you had planned and anticipated all this time. Give yourself some time to mourn what "could have been". Don't feel guilty for that.

Then, take some deep breaths and start doing research. For many babies with Downs, their babyhood is really not much different than for any other baby. Sometimes there are physical issues that are seen more commonly in babies with Downs, but it is just as likely that there won't be anything very much different for the first many months. My brother's only son, the last of his 4 children, was born with Downs. His girls (2 of the girls are almost grown, 16 and 18 now) absolutely consider their little brother (who is now 3 yrs old) the light of their lives. And their boyfriends do too! .

Yes, there can be some additional challenges early. Often these precious babies have more respiratory issues, or take longer to recover from bouts of the "common cold". My little nephew has had pneumonia several times already. And he had some issues with reflux also. But lots of babies do! He is just the sweetest thing. We don't live close by, but my niece sends me pic/txts all the time of him doing new things... learning to ride a tricycle for example, and always with a joyous smile. :)

There are lots of resources available, both for you (knowledge and emotionally) and for your baby (intervention specialists to help him/her through the process of learning new skills, which sometimes take a little longer than the "usual" schedule).

I love this story: http://www.journeyofhearts.org/kirstimd/holland.htm

May God bless your family.

My aunt has 7 children. The middle child, John, has Downs. When his brothers were on the high school football team , he was the manager. He loved it! Before the championship game, during the huddle, coach asked John if he had any advice for the team. He said "Win it for me, guys! Well, they won. And they carried him around the field on their shoulders screaming and cheering with the crowd. They all signed the game ball and presented it to him. He slept with it for months. He is now my age, 36, and a charming, sweet, gem in our family. He has never lost the sweetness and innocence of childhood and none of us would ever want him to be anyone else. He is a gift. I don't have any advice. I just wanted to share that.

I have a dear friend that went through this and she said she did absolutely nothing different for her little one. She had three children before her Down's baby and this little one functions very well. She believes it's because she didn't treat this precious angel any differently. Things came a little slower to her but once she learned them, she mastered them.

These tests have been known to be wrong too. Amnio has a 50/50 accuracy rate. Ask any doctor. I had my second child at 37 as well. I refused to have the tests because of the lack of accuracy. Please don't stress over this. It's not good for the baby and it's not good for you. This little one will be blessed to be part of your home no matter what the outcome is.

God bless,

M.

You will find that this child is a blessing and the perfect child for your family.

I have a lovely blond little girl who got a kidney infection at two, got shock from it, and is now quite sick. I dont know if she will ever lead a normal life.
I have spent many nights grieving her illness. (she is now 13). I used to cry to God, ..'why Lord , why my child, why did she have to get sick?' Then I thought, well, she could have been born blind, lame, no arms or legs, a siamese twin, or a child who has no organs to help him live past a few weeks. It put it in perspective for me.

The answer is that life deals each of us many challenges. It is what we do with those challenges that drives our character and makes us become better people. It is how God helps us learn to REALLY love- not in easy circumstances, but in the most difficult ones. My favorite saying is: God is not so much comcerned with our comfort as he is with our character.
I don't have a down baby, but I have read so many times that they are the most LOVING children ever!!!!!! That is what this child will do for your family. Bring you a home brimming and overflowing with love! What more could anyone ask for ! Instead of seeing the glass half empty, you could start to change that immage as seeing the glass half full. Thankfullness in all circumstances. That is what God wants us to do...just trust that he is working things out for your best. Relax, take a deep breath, trust....put it at the Lords feet.
"For we know that he causeth all things to work for the good of those who love him and are called to his purpose".

Nothing is for sure until the baby is born. So just wait, and relax.

Bless you,
Gail

I heard a story just this week of parents with that same report. They got every prayer chain they knew about involved praying for that baby. At the next test, there was no sign Downs, and that baby was born healthy and normal. It was God and the power of prayer they used. Perhaps I heard that story just so I could share it with you!

First let me say I'm SO proud of you for getting the amnio so you and your doctors know for sure exactly what you're dealing with! Good for you! I understand your feelings, and I think it's really good that you can go through this initial shock and sadness now and not when you're holding your baby for the first time. Everyone is different, and I know you will come out on the winning end of this, but don't feel guilty about having, "WHY US?!?!" feelings or any kind of feelings right now. I'm not in your shoes, but I did have all the screenings and amnios. They couldn't go through with it for the first child because of his position, but I did extra screenings. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a special needs child. So YES, it will require extra things on your part. Start doing research and read your butt off about Down's Syndrome. This will really help you and educate you about separating fact from fiction. See if there are any local support groups in your area for parents of special needs or even specifically Down's kids. That way you'll find tons of info and experience! The more you do until the birth, the better off you'll be when your baby is born.

Good luck to you! You're going to be an amazing mom with an amazing baby. All of the Down's people I know have brought a lot of joy to their families and friends. It will take extra work, but usually the best things in life do!

Oh yeah -about telling people -of course you'll want to tell family and close friends, but do it on your time! You can do it now or 2 months from now or when the baby is born. They don't have to know today unless you want them to. As far as just regular people, you don't have to say anything unless you feel like it. Inevitably after the birth people (whose business it is not but who will comment anyway) will ask you if you "knew." Just say yes nonchalantly and go on!

Oh Sweetie..I can't imagine how difficult this is for you right now. Try to join support groups in your area and also meet other moms that have downs babies it is not the end of the world. These mommas are so very proud of their babies. Instead of thinking that there is something wrong with your baby think of it as your baby being "perfect" like I once heard Sarah Palin say he/she will be just the way God made him to be "perfect" in his eyes. Once you hold your baby you will instantly protect them and love them unconditionally. Again look to other mommas that are in your situation. I admire these women soooo very much for their strength, joy, and patience which I'm sure are qualities you possess : )
God bless you and your family.

The accuracy rate of amnio's, is 99.4% I feel terrible for pointing that out, but I do think it's important to get accurate information. Especially, when the future of a little on is involved. I agree with the other mama, who said to mourn. We go through most of our lives, picturing our child. Especially, when we start trying for children. It's OK, to feel disappointed, scared, upset, unsure, etc. A grieving and healing process needs to take place, so that you can be in a really good place, once your baby gets here. I guarantee you, people will understand, if you cry. You need to cry and you need support. When you are ready to tell people, they will be supportive and loving.

Contact Downs Syndrome support groups, even if you're not ready to attend them. They will be helpful, even if you don't attend. They can point you in the direction of good information. They will help you know what questions to ask, what to prepare for, and what the challenges might be. Your Dr. could be a good source, too. They can't point you in the direction of specialists and information.

The good news is, you are having a baby! The fear and sadness will wain with time, and you will be even more thankful for your blessing!! I wish you the best of luck!!

Right now go to my friend and photographers site www.ficklezeal.com
in particular look at some video posts regarding ds awareness month she has a daughter with ds and does a lot of volunteering and portait work for kids w/ds and is a very staright to it person. it will warm
your heart. I've been so blessed to watch her be an amazing mom to her 3 kids (middle child ds). A lot of people have said great things, but I did want to add something: this is not your fault! God has something very special for you with this child. It won't be without challenges, but it will also include many immeasurable blessings.

May God give you strength. Have you considered calling your local "Children's Hospital" and asking for a referral to a pediatrician that would specialize in children with Downs and call that office and see what support group info and other help they can offer? If you're not ready to go "live" with a support group yet maybe you could look on Yahoo groups for one specializing in caring for a DS child.

Bless you - I hope you find all that you need so that you can begin to accept and cherish the opportunity to parent this special child.

Do you have anyone close to you who has Downs? We have two very special now-adults in our lives who have Downs and they are truly awesome people. J just stood up in her brother's wedding last weekend and it was a joyful occasion - with brother and sister sharing a special dance that every single person at the wedding watched with happy tears in their eyes. I think it might help to join a support group as others have mentioned so you can get to know a few of these really special individuals. To this day my brothers and I think of downs as more of an identity than a handicap.

I hope you get a lot of great replies from families who have been in your shoes. In terms of telling people, I don't think this is something you need to do until you are feeling way more comfortable and excited about your new arrival. Warm thoughts to you!

Watch the documentary "Up Syndrome" you can see it on Netflix.

I would suggest getting in touch with the Down Syndrome Clinic at Children's as soon as possible. It took us 7 months to get an appointment for our son.

Praying for wisdom, peace and guidance for you.

Blessings,
H.

Call your local Downs Syndrome group and they can help.

So sorry. Give yourself some time to come to terms with it before you decide to tell other people about it. And do not feel bad about crying.