I have a very good friend that is currently separated from her husband. This is the only man she has ever been with, they have been dating since they were 14. She is getting ready to turn 30. I really don't know what to say or do, to help her or not. That doesn't make sense does it? I guess I need advice from someone who has been through this. What did you want from your friends? Should I call her more often to see how she is doing, or does that come across as thinking she can't do it by herself? Should I wait till she calls me? When we are together do I ask her how she is getting along or do I wait for her to broach the subject? I guess I really need some etiquette lessons...Thanks for your help
I guess I should add, she doesn't have children. She is also the type of person who doesn't talk about herself much, nor does she do much for herself. She is there for everyone else when they need it, I don't think I have ever seen her put herself first. It makes me sad because I worry that she won't reach out if she needs it.
You've covered all the bases.....& only you can decide what is best for your friend.
Make the 1st contact & let her mood decide which path you are going to follow.
Kudos to you for thinking this thru so thoroughly.
Dont change around her, just be her friend. If yall talked all the time before the separation then continue. She will bring up the subject if she wants to talk about it. Don't walk around conversations, just be there. I always knew my friends where just around the corner if needed. And please don't bad mouth her hubby, she is on her way to figuring him out. If you don't hear from her for a few days, just send her a text to say Hi.
I hate that your friend is having to go through this, it is a difficult road.
I went through this and my friends sort of failed it. It didn't make it any easier, let me tell you. Make yourself available to her. Call and ask her to have a drink with you this weekend. I wouldn't press the topic too much, let her guide you on that. Just maybe ask, "How are you doing with everything?" And let her take it from there. Check in with her more often, but you don't have to ask, "Are you handling the separation OK?" Do lunch. Go shopping. She needs your friendship now more than ever.
I went through the same exact thing and friends and family really didn't come through.
Knowing what it was like I would:
1. Offer to be there whether it be 2am or 6pm...if she needs to talk on the phone or meet at a diner...or J. go over and keep her company on the days she doesn't have the kids...if that happens
2. Make a day once in a while to do adult things with her, if you can without kids...shes entering a whole new world thats overwhelming, and could probably use a friend to hang with and venture out withnce in a while
3. let her kow you're there for her if shes ever stuck with watching the kids if shes sick or something if she doesnt have nearby family...
4. J. continu to be her friend and don't judge her as she goes through these next stages
she probably won't take you up on all of your offers but its J. nice to know that someone cares
I think it would be welcomed to talk to her about it. Show her support. If she has been supporting friends and does support herself this is the time for friends to step up. Even if she says she is okay continue to regularly engage her either on the topic or just by being a friend. Now is the time to do a little more. Did she intiate the separation or her spouse? That will determine a bit about how you both discuss the issue. Also, let her vent even if you are/were friends with her spouse, this is the time for you and others to stand up for her and be there. I hope this helps.
I think you should visit her, mention it, tell her you're there for her. After that, don't mention it unless she does, but still visit her and go out, to the movies, etc., keep her company, etc.
