Dear C.-
My ex was an alcoholic. For many years, it appeared to be 'harmless' to those around him. He was, initially, a social drunk - happy til he passed out.
As the years went by, I realized it was more than that. I suggested counseling for us both, and we both went, until the counselor suggested 'no drinking' for a few weeks. He never went back.
I thought I should stick it out for the kiddos. I started attending alanon. Their advice was to 'detach with love'. The problem was that by then I had little love to give as I watched the drinking escalate.
Anyhow, as I was still planning to hang in their for the kids, he did something UNSPEAKABLE to one of the kiddos (in a blackout state).
I wish I had left sooner.
I found out about some affairs post divorce.
He quickly re married, and although I had warned his new wife about his alcohol use...she assured me I was mistaken.
He spent several months in and out of hospitals the past few years for 'liver issues'.
My regret, quite frankly, is that I did not leave earlier.
His choices were/are clear. He has not seen the younger kiddos in years now.
Just my story.
Best Luck!
michele/cat
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ETA for Carrie-
No 'god' that I am familiar with would have wanted me to stay in my marriage. It was not 'god' that abused my child...it was my drunken spouse.
SHAME on you for the 'bury your head in the sand' advice...
AMEN