Friend Complaining

Sounds like she's a complaining personality. Am I right? She complains about pretty much everything? Maybe she's a glass half empty kind of gal?

It's a personality type. If you don't like that, either tell her, or let it go in one ear and out the other, or don't spend time with her. If you are afraid you'll ruin the relationship and you want to stay friends, opt for letting it go in one ear and out the other.

Dawn

You are absolutely right. She knew what she was getting into and she decided to do it anyway. She should just suck it up and keep her issues to herself and her husband. If she doesn't, you would be completely justified in saying (in a teasing but caring tone) - well you kind of knew what you were getting into this time?

So... because she doesn't like being pregnant for 9 months, she shouldn't have children? Pregnancy is temporary, but children are for keeps. It's annoying to listen to, maybe, but hopefully you're a good enough friend to keep your annoyance to yourself.

Some of us are better at being moms than we are at being pregnant. The misery of pregnancy is worth the end result, in my opinion! For me, my first pregnancy (and labor and delivery) were difficult, with some complications, but my reward was my beautiful daughter. After that, I really didn't want to be pregnant again. My husband kept after me, and finally I relented. My second pregnancy wasn't bad at all - I was so grateful. If I had had as difficult a time the second time around as I did the first, I'd have been really depressed. I'm guessing your friend likes to be a mom, but just has a hard time getting there. Until you've thrown up for 9 months straight, it's hard to imagine how miserable that can be... :)

'So my question is, if you were so miserable during your pregnancy, why keep having kids?'

Because 9 months of hell is worth a lifetime of (mostly) joy? ;)

Some people are not happy unless they appear miserable.

I have to tell you I've been in this boat also. I had a friend that was prego with her third which was a woopsie (accidently on purpose if you ask me) and she complained the whole time!!! I had suffered with infertility, so when I was sick for 6 months straight I was grateful. I honestly had to take a step back from the relationship because I was soooo irritated with her.

Good Luck!

M

I suffered from pretty severe (and undiagnosed, at the time) prenatal depression, and in addition, I had terrible morning sickness that lasted far beyond the first trimester and could hardly eat anything at all. I was miserable pretty much every waking moment of my first pregnancy. I didn't complain to everyone, but I absolutely complained to my closest friends. Everyone expected me to be "glowing," and I couldn't keep up the facade, so I told those I trusted about how much I was struggling. My first pregnancy was truly one of the most difficult experiences of my life.

But then, out of it, I got my son, a gift sent to me from God. I could never love anyone more than I love him. It doesn't matter how miserable you are when pregnant, because most people don't get pregnant for the experience of being pregnant. I get pregnant for the children who come out of that experience. I keep having kids for the sake of the kids, not the pregnancy.

Pregnancy can be a nightmare for some. I get hypermesis gravidum. Basically that means if I so much as turn over in bed for the first 6 months I puke. I never stop puking. I feel like I have the flu for 6 months and then the last few months it's the same as for most pregnant women only now I have constant false labor to scare me. fun! I don't like being stuck in bed for months and feeling like the worst flu out there I have for months on end. Who would. It's miserable. I don't even have the energy to complain funnily enough. lol

BUT I have my three kids. I love them more than anything and I've never felt joy like the joy they bring me. They are my reason for getting up in the morning and being excited to do it! They make the world magical again. They make birthday's and Christmas have meaning again. They are my life. I tell them all the time they were worth it.

Now labor I think is the easiest thing. It's no skin off my shoulder. It truly isn't. I've been so sick for 9 months it's a end to the pain. Regardless, everyone views pregnancy and even motherhood differently. I have a sister that breezes through pregnancy and could run marathons and here I am stuck in bed only getting out for ER visits for fluid and doctors appointments! Now giving birth is a national emergency for her and even one contraction sans epidural is hell to her. I laugh at her and think she's ridiculous ... but I'm sure she thinks me not leaving bed and puking non stop is ridiculous. Guess it goes back to the don't judge till you've walked in someone else's shoes. It's awesome you are strong and have easy pregnancies but maybe just maybe she has it worse and you bitching about your 2 weeks of morning sickness annoys her... Using my sister as an example here. lol

Keep in mind that some folks are really, *really* good at complaining, pregnant or not. In fact, when they think about conversing, something wrong is always the first thing that comes to their minds - and the second thing, and the third, ad nauseam.

I'm not talking about mamas who are having a spell of morning sickness or a spell of the blues. Everybody goes through that, and everybody needs a friend for that. I'm talking about the chronically negative ones, women and men, who complain so much you wonder if they're expecting a reward for it.

If they're not pregnant, they're having trouble with the spouse, or the in-laws, or the neighbors, or the schools, or the house, or the town, or the political situation, or the weather. Chronic complainers are very skilled at what they do.

In fact, back when I found I was pregnant with our first child, I was so delighted I wanted to broadcast the news from the rooftops - until I listened to the other mothers I knew and their *nonstop* complaining. Then I wondered what awful mess I had gotten into! I was devastated. Then I decided to find other friends.

What I would do, I think, if I were in your shoes would depend upon how close I was to the friend. I might say, "What's the BEST thing that's happened to you today?" every time I saw her. If she asked why, I would tell her why; some people just need to realize what their mouths are doing. If she was offended or if I didn't know her that well, I guess I would just put up with it - or not.

Pregnancy is really hard and exhausting as you know.... She is probably entitled to complain and whine some, but if it is just too much for you, you should probably back away.

during my pregnancy the only person i complained to was my fiance since you know it was his fault lol im joking, well sort of... i didnt feel like everyone else needed to know how shitty my morning sickness was or how my feet were swollen or whatever.. when people would ask how i was feeling my go to responce was "like a beachball" .. i never really went into detail other than to say well im a little uncomfortable or a little tired ... your friend may just be a complainer in general

I am someone who actually DID let the fact that I hate being pregnant stand in the way of having a third child. I regret that decision EACH AND EVERY DAY. I should have just sucked it up and went for it and suffered (and complained) for 9 months. More power to your friend for going for it. I am sure that she can find many female friends who have been in her shoes to 'complain' to. GO ahead and step away b/c you will not be doing her any favors by sitting in judgment of her decision.

My first two pregnancies were fairly easy. Normal aches and pains, but nothing to bad. My next two kids were the best kind...no pregnancy and no childbirth ;)

The next four are a completely different story. Sick does not begin to describe it, morning, noon and night. I would throw up 5-6 times a day, sometimes more, always nauseous. By the time I had given birth my weight would be -22 of what I started at. I am a big girl so I did have some to spare, but..still.

When I was pregnant with #8, I was PISSED. Oh hell no did I want to do that again. See the problem wasn't more children, I just did not want to be pregnant. My house suffers, I suffer, my friends suffer. I tried not to complain, but of course on really bad days I did.

I was lucky, I had the best friend ever! We could be talking on the phone when..bam...the need to puke would happen. Did she hang up? Nope, she would wait on the phone until I was done and tell me that it would be okay and that the prize was worth it. She kept me motivated. Never once did she think.."you have 5, 6, 7 other kids, why are you doing this?". Nope she just wanted to know if she could be in the room when they were born.

As the others have said....it's the prize at the end of the tunnel. That is why woman continue to have kids.

does she even have specific problems or she just generally complains bc pregnancy isn't particularly comfortable? I'm in your camp. If she wants more kids bc the pregancy pains are worth it, that's fine but she shouldn't make everyone else miserable listening to her for the 9 months. You don't get the joy of her 3rd child! I'd say "oh - is it different this time?" If she says no, then say "well, I guess you knew what you were getting into." and change the topic. Or - but you must be happy you conceived again, no? Then she likely will say yes and then reply, concentrate on that then! If she keeps it up, I'd try to take a hiatus too. Or if she's a very close friend, ask her nicely to stop complaining. I have a close friend we can say "oh geez, enough already!" and stay friends.

I would totally say "Look, it's not like you didn't know what you were getting into." or "you made your bed" or "should've had that Essure procedure done if you didn't want to get pregnant again" and so on.....give her one of these lines every time she complains, and maybe she'll stop. Let's hope so anyway!

Giggle. I hear ya.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8

;)