Four Year Old Daughter Not Listening

This brings back so many memories for me. How hard it was to feel like I was losing ground disciplining my first one because of devoting so much time to the second one! I can't tell you how many times I would be nursing and have to ignore certain issues...The time did come that I was better able to juggle the two. It's an adjustment for sure! Even now, it's a challenge to make sure all three of my boys feel equally loved and important.

Here are some ideas to help at your stage:

*Arrange to pick her up from school ...just you...and take her to half-priced books to pick out a book. (my boys look forward to this so much. I tried to do it once a week when new babies came along.)
*Read to her while feeding the baby.
*Involve her in caring for the baby...even if it makes things a little harder/messier.
*Find an ongoing activity that's just for you and your oldest (such as a spot in the back yard or pot where you plant seeds together and care for them each day) - it'll give her something to look forward to with you.
*We created "The Daddy Board" for my oldest when my second was born. After school, we added his schoolwork/projects for the day to the board. That way, Dad could easily see and praise what he worked on that day. It really helped when Dad showed specific interest in his activities...and the board made it easier for him to remember to do that.
*For me, praying continuously helped, too! :)

Hang in there! I think this has everything to do with the birth of your new baby (congratulations, by the way) and your oldest feeling a bit displaced. It will get better! In a blink, your girls will be playing together and interacting and you'll witness the blossoming of a wonderful sisterhood friendship!

Congratulations, again!

We are going through the same thing--except our soon to be 4 yo girl is saying "but_______" after everything we tell her to do--like arguing. She is getting a baby sister in May, but also has an 11 yo brother. So we have pretty much decided the coming up of her baby sis could be part of it. I just pretty much had to get my hubby to take over the discipline part (she listens to him better than to me) and bless his heart--he hates getting on to her after being away from her all day, but the man's voice is heard by her a little better than mine for some reason. I don't have any miracle answer, but you are not alone. I promise. This is just a sassy age too. They are getting their little "attitudes" and losing the sweet little babiness they used to have :) Good Luck!

A., I am a mother of a 5 year old girl and what you have suggested is great. Go on a mom/daughter outing. Also, set aside time for just her every day. I know I get so caught up in cleaning the house and taking care of my little one that I don't give enough attention to my oldest. This is the effect I got as well. You are not the only one who is dealing with this believe me. I make sure I set aside time every day, several times a day with my oldest daughter. I take 10 minutes and sit, hold her and read a book. I work with her on her education for 30 minutes. I play Candyland or Chutes and Ladders, this takes all of 20 minutes. If you add that up, that is only an hour a day of time that you can devote specifically to her. She will appreciate it and you will come out of it feeling much better about yourself and your relationship with your daughter. BTDT. Find new ways for you to bond with her and your DH needs to find new ways as well, that are different from yours. My daughter loves to help daddy pick up sticks in the back yard, or anything that she thinks is just cool that she gets to do with him. Good Luck!!! I hope this helps.

This is a very crucial time in your daughters life right now because she realizes that the attention will not ALL be on her. It is something she is actually dealing with and realizing on her own. Although her behavior is not acceptable. Try the "nice" approach now. Tell your daughter , how much you love her and have you or your husband just spend some one on one quality time with her. Take her to the park, movies, anything really that she enjoys... While you are out and about with her let her know that you want to know why she is acting the way she is, that school is very very mportant , and you love her so much. Reassure her that just because she has a sister that you dont love her any less, and that when you get angry with her it's not because you don't love her, its because the way she is acting is not how a little girl should act. Remind her that if this continues daddy and you are going to have a serious talk.
Dont let this special outing be the only one either. Try and make it frequent or as often as you can. Things will begin to get easier as your newest addition gets older, and your 4yo realizes that she can have an emotional connection with her as well. Good luck!

I've had and still have the same problem with my 5 almost 6 years old daughter, Mathilde. She is very independent and imaginative, always doing things that really interest her, so when we want her to do something, she ignores us or she starts doing it, then quickly forgets about it and goes back to whatever she was doing before we intervened. This is extremely annoying since we have to be behind her back all the time and REPEAT ourselves all the time.
I noticed that things turned really bad when her sister Josephine was born 8 months ago. Mathilde was completely out of control. She was testing us and she didn't have the same kind of attention she was used to. The first reason was because we were so exhausted!
But she calmed down as soon as she realized that things wouldn't change that much. In the beginning the baby sleeps a lot, doesn't do much so she still could recognize her little world. Also she was reassured by the fact that we still love her just the same, our attitude hasn't changed towards her: when he's bad, we discipline her (no mercy!), and when she behaves, she is praised and cudled and given lots of attention.
Make her feel responsible, she is a big sister now, let her help you with the baby, tell her what she'll be able to teach the baby and do with her.
The special outing is a great idea and it works really well.
I have noticed around me that parents have a tendency to become unfair with their first born once the new baby arrives. They demonstrate too much affection for the baby in front of their child, they praise the baby too much and bark at their child or show their exasperation.
I think that the keyword is not to change your attitude towards your daughter, good or bad and be aware of that all the time.
Don't forget that for children, bad attention is always better than no attention at all.
I would even say, try to give MORE attention to your daughter than to your baby if possible, so that she doesn't feel left out.
Sorry for the length, I hope that this will help!

F.