Foster Parenting? - Chicago,IL

My brother and SIL are foster parents. They have 2 bio children 16 and 14.

The first child they got was 6 months old, bi-racial beautiful little girl who was found on her dead mom's body. Mom died of a drug overdose. After 2+ yrs and expressing huge interest, they finally were awarding final custody of her. She is 5 now, smart as a whip, beautiful and thriving.

They also have had other children at times, babies and mostly young boys. They only had 1 child with issues that were so bad that they had to have the agency re-home him because they had to make a choice... this child or the children of their own being witness to the outbursts and potential danger to them. It was heartbreaking but this child had been abused badly and to come from a badly abused home to a loving home pretty much threw him over the edge.

Of course they have no regrets with the 5 yr old now their own. They have maintained contact and visitation with her maternal grandfather so she has a connection to her bio family.

Another negative I've seen is the pressure they put on their own children in all the responsibillities to care for the foster children they have. It seems sometimes like the bio children are losing out. I know brother and SIL have hearts full of love but their own children also need more nurturing than they seem to get.

It is a tough balance.

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/16024935858025136129

Hi N., I asked a similar question awhile back.

HTH!

:)

My very first question on here was about foster parenting and adopting :)

I have not had experience with it, yet, but I'd love to, and I'd like to wish you good luck and god bless; we need more people like you!

One side note: the percentage of disabled, handicapped, and other children with disabilities needing family placement is astronomical. Be prepared for such situations, mentally and financially. Do whatever good your heart can provide!! Let us know what happens :)

Foster parenting has changed so much in the last decade, heck, even in the last 5 years. It is not more like a mentor-ship to the family that you are caring for. The kids may stay with you for a while but you are supposed to help the parent learn parenting skills too. Making suggestions about ways to do stuff and helping the family in a lot of ways. The workers can't always take time to do a lesson on parenting so they depend on people who are with the parents and child more regularly.

You are a bridge family. You help the parents learn better skills by being an example and making kind suggestions.

I think it is the best situation of all. There is no hiding the kids away now, no defensive feelings, it is all so much more relaxed and helpful. When my daughter lost her parental rights she signed the papers and got an open adoption. She sees the kids when they can manage time to meet up. She does not live in the same town as these 2.

The foster parents adopted both of the grand-kids they had in their home and at the same time adopted another little girl the same age as my grandson.

I think good foster families are awesome and I hope you call and at least sign up for the classes so you can get the information and can make a better informed decision.

My husband and I were just talking about becoming foster parents and possibly adopting too. I don't know if we are just coming to terms with our last baby turning one or if it is something we really feel pulled to do. One of the problems for me is that money is tight and adding an extra to our house will stretch resources out even further. I don't know what to do, but I guess I don't have to decide at this minute. I'm anxious to hear what people say here. I read the post that someone else linked to, and maybe being emergency care is better for us. 21 days would be something that may be less intimidating than an indefinite placement. Also, my kids are little, so I would only be comfortable taking in babies. But then I'm back to baby stuff? Aaah - I don't know.

Hi N. -

My family (biological) took care of foster children when I was growing up. Overall, I found it to be a very positive experience. I specifically remember a couple of foster kids from when I was around the ages of 7-9. They were babies, and I had a lot of love for them and enjoyed helping my mom take care of them. The hardest part was always the part where they left our home and moved on. I will say that I do remember 1 kid who was more my age, and was a bit of a challenge as far as his behavior. I don't think it affected me in a bad way - I just remember it was something my parents had to deal with that wasn't easy. Overall, I think growing up with foster siblings was a good experience, and I really respect families who make the choice to foster!