For Working Moms?

The answers aren't as interesting as you think. It is the wording of the question. Toddlers is a pretty specific group. How long did I spend one on one with my toddler, probably nothing. By the time my kids were toddlers I had a newborn.

I was a stay at home mom with all my kids. I didn't start working until my divorce when my youngest was five.

I can't even answer this as a what if I had another now because I would stay at home with them as well. At 44 I can't see that happening but still if I did I would stay home or at least go very part time. Oh but unless I just had one the answer would also be the same, no one on one time.

I've done both... and yep. The interaction is VERY different.

Take a standard working day (obviously there are a gazillion and 1 variations on this... this is just one example):

- Morning madness
- Drop off at childcare
- Pick up at 5-6pm
- Bedtime at 8pm
_______________
2 hours a day (not including morning madness)

SAHM schedule:
- Up at 6am
- Bedtime at 8pm
________________
14 hours a day

Now... working parents tend to CRAM in quality time during their hours off, so it can LOOK a lot more interactive (many working parents "do something special" either every day, or every weekend)... but it's a byproduct of time.

When you have a 14 hour day, you spread things out more, and aren't as "HAVE TO DO THIS!" as when you only have 2-3 hours a day. Also, things get "counted" differently. When you only have 2-3 hours and you have to cook, and you have your kid help / are talking about the day/ etc... that often gets "counted". For good reason. But stay at home parents often don't count that time, even though it's the same interaction.

It's not the same... but that doesn't mean one is better or worse. Just different. And, as always, what is MOST key is the personalities/individuals involved. You can be a VERY involved/ fun/ loving working parent, or a totally disconnected working parent. Or vice versa. It's less how MUCH time you have, and what you do in the time you DO have :)

hmmm...i don't know this question is kind of all over the place, i mean the variations are as numerous as there are moms on this website.

what one considers "spending time", another might not.

i have a 5 year old, and our routine has always been the same since he was 6 weeks old - mom and dad work a normal 8-5, he's in daycare (now preschool). i don't feel that i "cram" in as much quality time as i can... i don't feel that i'm apologizing, feeling guilty, or trying to compensate for anything. it's our life, it's how it is, and i happen to love it. we are together every evening and every weekend...i don't bend over backwards planning 'things' but we are almost always doing something together - cooking, cleaning, shopping, going to church, sometimes we go to the library or other activities...he plays on his own at times but sometimes that's in the livingroom so to me that is still "being together"....occasionally he will spend the night with my mom or an aunt or cousin...not too often though, usually we are together.

i guess i'm not really sure what to compare it to because i am not a sahm, never have been.

I agree with Riley. I get MAYBE 2.5 hours with my son and he's 5.

And on the weekends we do as much as possible to cram in as much quality time as we can with him.

I don't do alot of house work or anything while he's up and we have those 2.5 hours. That's HIS time. Then after bedtime, it's cleanup, laundry, etc and then time with the SO.

When I was a SAHM, I was young and didn't know how to manage that time. I spent the majority of the time "bored" and alone and complained allot about the fact that I never had any adult interaction. I am older and wiser now and OMG, what I wouldn't give to be a SAHM now. :)

It's quality not quantity mom. I'm sending good thoughts your way.

I work FT and get at least 5 hours a day with my toddler.
Housework and "me time" are almost non existant, but that's OK for now.

My style of interaction with the kids is due to many years in the field of child care. I know how it eventually hurts the kids if we don't foster their individuality and ability to entertain themselves. That's where my answer came from.

I had to cook dinner, clean the house, do laundry, take a breath, then start baths and then hubby got the kids off to bed so I could have a moment.

The easiest way I can answer that is as much of my waking hours that I'm not at work, I'm normally with my kids. I do try to have one on one time, even if it's just quiet time reading before bed or playing a board game. I work part-time so the days I work and get home, it's usually dinner, homework, bath, reading, playing then bed. My toddler goes to bed earlier than my 5 year old, so I tend to spend my one on one time with him when she's asleep before he goes to bed. Playing a board game or reading. With my toddler I try to spend my one on one time with her giving bath, reading and getting ready for bed while my husband spends time with my son. On days off, I get much more one on one time with my daughter while my son is at school and pick him up after school so I do get to spend more time with him than on work days. Weekends are usually always about family time. We try to take them to stores and run errands with us along with any sports or parties we have, which is fun for them and gives them some one on one time with either me or their Dad. I don't try to calculate my time with them compared to SAHM's, I basically spend the majority of any non-working, non-sleeping hours with my kids. So, they get as much of my time as I can give and they are very happy, very independent kids who I know feel loved...so that's all that matters to me. All housework, laundry and other stuff gets done when they're asleep or napping. It's all about quality of time, not quantity! But I do believe in carving one on one time when we can for both me and my husband to spend with each of our children.

Well I think the answer is as different for first/only children vs. multiple children as it is for WOHMs and SAHMs. When my youngest was little, I was a single mom and he was my only. He spent three days a week with my mom and 2 at daycare. The rest of the time, I rarely went anywhere or spent time without him. In a way, I had not much else to do - with only one child, things like cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry are pretty minimal and manageable, even for someone who works FT and parents solo. So every night, we would watch videos (no cable TV for us back then), read, do puzzles, wrestle, play cars etc. until his bedtime, which was late to allow us more time together. On weekends, he accompanied me on errands and social visits and we spent hours at the park, zoos, indoor play spaces etc.

When my younger kids came along, they had older siblings who were in school and sports as well as two working parents who owned a house. Housework for 5 or 6 is obviously more time-consuming than for 2, and there were soccer games and karate classes and birthday parties and playdates and CCD to go to and from. So they rarely had 1:1 time but were just folded into the chaos and activity of family life and always had playmates in each other. I would imagine that for a SAHM, this kind of just working the kids into the fray of family life day in and day out is probably the norm.

I've been a SAHM and a working mom to my son. I worked full time from the time he was 7 weeks old until 14 months old. I have been SAHM with him for the past 7 months. When I worked full time, I would absolutely spend every second I had at home with him interacting, playing, talking, etc because that time was so precious. Now I have him all day with me, so obviously there are times I do dishes, chores, etc and let him play on his own. Or I will sit with him and halfway interact at times, because he doesn't need and shouldn't have someone playing with him every second. I believe in quality over quantity. My husband, as soon as he gets home, takes over Henry-duty immediately and gives him non-stop attention until bedtime. Again, because this is the only time he can see him.

This is one of those things where every mom/child/family is different. I SAHM with my son during the day while my husband works, then one of us goes to the gym (we alternate), then make dinner, clean up and work for 5hrs while my husband plays with our son and gets him to bed. He just started an intro to preschool program two weeks ago, that is 2hrs for 3 days. By the time I drop him off and leave then get somewhere, I might have 30mins to myself before having to go pick him up.

Weekends are busy - my husband is either doing sidejobs for extra money or finishing the never ending projects at home (tonight will be snaking the toilets); we are involved in church (he ushers, I help with Sunday School); we try to do family things if the funds are in our budget; my son and I get together with friends.

Kids have different personalities/needs/abilities. My son was climbing out of his crib at 14mos, walking the stairs and climbing gates at 18mos. He could not be trusted unsupervised until just recently at 3-1/2mos. I could never do anything in another room without him. I have friends with 2-3 kids who could FB, cook, sew, etc while their kids were in another room. My son also never napped, which meant I didn't get much done until my husband got home.

I know SAHMs who schedule their kids away from them as much as possible. I know WAHMs who do the same. Its their personalities and what works for their families.

I don't really fall in either category...working at home, with children, and my kids always had to share me, my grandson has to share me too.

I think people just get busy and it's hard. One of my most vivid memories was with my now 27 year old daughter. She was 2 at the time. My husband was drawing and watching tv and I was doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen. She was getting in his way and wanting attention and I didn't need her under foot in such a small kitchen. He sent her my way and then I unknowingly tried to send her his way. She stood just outside the kitchen, where we could both see her but not each other. She looked back and forth between the 2 of us and started balling and ran down the hallway to her room. I swear that this child has been independent and hated us ever since!!!! Not really hate....but she's so distant and always has been.

Life happens. We have to work. We do dangerous things...opening oven doors, carrying knives to the sink, working with exacto blades if you are an artist or working on cars if you do that sort of thing. Parents get busy and do things that kids can't really be part of. Do what you can, love them and kiss them often. But don't feel guilty. I think I did a better job with the 3 kids that came after our first. They are closer to us.