For Divorced Moms

I knew. When my ex and I got into an argument, I PROVED him wrong (with research), and he told me that my opinion/input didn't matter because, "You're just a woman and my wife. Nobody cares what a SAHM with no real job thinks."

That was the moment that cemented my resolve. I was getting a divorce.

And I'm so glad I did because 7 years later I'm engaged to the love of my life. Don't give up on love, even though it seems so hard right now.

I think there is a straw that breaks the camel's back. For me, it was during a home remodel when he said to me, "What you do is none of my business." When your husband says that, you know you are on your own.

Search your heart. The right answer will come, I promise you.

Updated

when i knew he wouldn't fight for M.
when i looked at him with disgust instead of love?
i knew i wanted my daughter to see a loving relationship

gosh its hard even knowin im not in love with my ex and had valid reasons to leave I still question mysel for the sake of my daughter.
dont leave for the chance of finding love in someone else. Leave if it means you will be loving yourself by leaving
...if that makes sense

One of my good friends divorced a verbally abusive man. He was screaming at her and cursing at her so bad in front of their young daughter (7 at the time) that the daughter was too afraid to go to bed for what her daddy would do to her M.. They have been divorced for 2 years now, she is in a new committed relationship.

You'll hit that moment.

I'm not divorced, but that's because when it gets bad and I ask myself if I have any more fight in me, the answer has always been yes. If that answer turns to no, I'll know it's time to go.

I wish you the best of luck in your decision. Not every marriage is meant to last, but I believe every marriage is worth every last fight you have. BUT...two have to fight to make it work.

When I knew I'd done all I could, that's when I knew. I'm not fighting someone else's demons for them.

And you know what? Life has never felt SO DAMN GOOD.

:)

For me, I had that moment where I just knew there wasn't a choice anymore. I couldn't be the only one fighting for us. That doesn't mean it was easy from that point forward. Knowing what I had to do and doing it were incredibly difficult. I didn't want to be divorced. I didn't want to put my children through that. Every time they cried, it broke my heart far more than their father had broken mine. There were many times I would have done anything to take away their pain.
Sharing your children is difficult. There are things that you will miss out on when they're with their dad and a life that you will not be a direct part of.
The grass is not always greener on the other side. Trust that you will know what you need to do and when to do it.
I thought I had a good marriage (prior to his affair) and a good relationship. I see now, that I compromised a lot...too much. I knew after my divorce what I wanted and deserved out of a relationship and have it now. My children see it too. I deserved better and so did they.
Good luck with your decision and know that your kids will be ok if you decide to divorce.

I was sure but unhappy during the process. There was that straw that broke the camel's back moment. I knew unequivocally from then on I was doing the right thing. However, I wasn't overjoyed with turning my entire life upside down with the feeling it was on public display for the world to comment on my failed marriage. Even when I walked out of the courtroom, I cried for two reasons. Relief it was over and I could move on. But it was tempered with the regret I was one of those people who just couldn't get her marriage to work. Divorce is a mixed bag of emotions in my opinion. I just focused on the reasons why our marriage wasn't going to work no matter how darn hard I worked on it. The bottom line is it takes two working hard in a marriage for the bird to fly off into the sunset. Also life is too short to waste it chasing rainbows with the wrong person. Good luck and best wishes.

When your older daughter says if you ever loved me you will divorce dad it becomes really clear it is not helping the kids to stay in the marriage. No she was not being a spoiled brat, his words were beyond anything a father should say to his daughter. Hateful, vile....

Never had a doubt it was the right thing after that.

Insanity - doing same thing, expecting different results.

I never *knew* it was the right thing - I just knew that something needed to change, and we had run out of things to change.

Moments of clarity, like those below helped me see the forest through the trees.

My best advice - just do the next right thing. Don't worry about outcome. Don't worry about "what if". Just make a decision for the next 5 minutes of your life. Then do it. Then find the next right thing to do after that. All those itty bitty steps of just doing the next right thing - end up adding to days, weeks, months and then YEARS of a lifetime that you can look back on without regret.

My mom's breaking point is when she had no more peace with him. They had been separated for years due to his mental illness and his physician strongly recommending they no longer live together. He became a physical threat to her and she didn't like him still coming and going from our home. After about 5 years of living like this she had had enough and divorced him.

She met with an attorney that helped her walk through the steps.

Divorce is very difficult. I know neither my mother nor my father ever stopped loving each other and they were very flirty with each other years after the divorce. They were actually divorced longer than they were married. Eventually they were friendly with each other but not too friendly I definitely didn't want any additional brothers or sisters. They had been divorced for 30 years when my mother died last year and other people could still feel the attraction between them if they were at a family function in the same room.

I knew my mom and dad didn't need to be married to each other any longer. He was a terror to her and me too. It took him a long time to get better.

For me it was when my husband (who had been drinking more and more lately) got a DWI which essentially ruined the career we had put our lives on hold and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on. He is a pilot and no airline will hire a pilot who has a DWI on his record.

We have been seperated since last May but our divorce was just final Feb 1st of this year. Life has been difficult but my kids and i are definently happier since we are not dealing with him on a daily basis anymore.

I had been thinking about it for awhile but then talked myself out of it. Then there was one day that I was just completely done and I left and knew it was right for me and my kids. As for sharing them with him, I moved away and he tried to see them at first, but then it became too much trouble for him so he stopped.

Ha...
My divorce will hopefully be final next month.
I filed because he cheated on me while i was pregnant with our third child. Second time he cheated, so i said no more.
I still doubt myself if i did the right thing, specially since he tried to come back. I know its the right thing to do, because what he did to me is not love. I deserve to be loved.

Its still heartbreaking to hear my kids ask for their dad. ALthough in the last few months he has been a better father now that the homewrecker is gone.
STill he is an a-hole, has no morals, is a pathalogical liar, but he is their dad.

So you deal with it. It does get easier and now i really enjoy my alone time. I do have a baby though that only leaves for short visitations twice a week.

Good Luck,
With children i'd do whatever it takes to keep my family together if at all possible. I don't feel it was in my case. My kids still are having a hard time (been a yr now) and its very hard on all of us. Our standard of living isnt the same anymore.

I left my first husband after thinking about it for a year or two. I stayed for awhile as it seemed best for the kids. He wasnt around much and was never abusive or mean. Then I felt sorry for him as he lost his job due to DUI's and possession on business trips. Then I finally said this is enough (more drugs more arrests) Our kids were almost 2 and almost 5. It really is hard on children. I got full custody and moved far away.