Food Fued: Follow Up

Sounds like Dad needs to make dinner more often...maybe every night until he realizes what he's doing. Is he passive-agressive towards you in other ways?Is it just about the food...or is there more going on here? Just some food for thought...Good luck!

This is a 10% food issue and 90% disrespect issue. Dad is teaching her to disrespect you. He thinks he is being hero, when in reality he is showing her that Mom, the woman, is to be disregarded. Deal with that issue and the food issue will take care of itself.

Remind Dad that he is teaching her how to allow a man to treat her when she is the adult in a relationship. If he loves her, he won't want her to be treated with disrespect/disregard by her boyfriends and husband. If he loves you he will want you to be respected by all persons...including your daughter.

I know I chimed in before, but this is kind've at a whole new level. Your husband actually gave her a hot dog when she wouldn't eat her meal? SABOTAGE!!! You have to get him to understand that she WILL not starve, and that if all you offer is quality food she will (in short time, trust me) get used to it and learn to love it.

I want to say more but I have to cut it off now...I hope I remember to come back to this! Message me if you think about it, because I have some suggestions that I hope can help. I am on your side!!

Hot dogs and cookies are normal foods to feed a child? The concept of 'kid foods' has existed for a single generation. One raised with 'convenience foods'. Before then children ate what their families ate. There was no kid food - there was the food you ate based upon the culture you were born into. Japanese fisherman's children ate sushi, Indian children ate Indian food, children of eastern European immigrants ate that food. Nobody in the entire world ate chicken nuggets and hot dogs were a rare treat at the ball park.

Why does DH want to feed her so poorly? Does he understand much about nutrition? Perhaps a basic nutrition course or book would help him. Is he using her as a pawn because he is angry about something? I don't know what you can do if talking to him doesn't work. But is is REALLY important. Children become adventurous or picky eaters for a lifetime, not just for toddlerhood (statistics support this despite the anecdotes that posters will tell you about how their child turned out fine).

Hang in there, mama!

I totally disagree that the way you're choosing to feed your daughter is "not normal." Hogwash! Continue to encourage her to eat healthfully & well. Work with your husband (good luck with that). Compromise. Maybe it's two healthy items on her plate and one junky one. I'm sure you guys can come up with a plan that works.

My husband is a soft touch with our kids & had a really hard time seeing me "starve" our children. Eventually, he got it & is now very, very proud of our daughters' varied palates and their table manners.

Keep it up, mama. You're doing fine.

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I think you are fighting an uphill battle. You are the loser. Hubby will continue to feed her normal kid foods and you will continue to spend your time and money on foods that no one but you are going to eat.

Time to compromise, you need to give in. Hubby will be more willing to compromise if you are. I know you want to feed her a certain way but it's not normal. She will want to eat what she sees you AND hubby eating so you are going to have to compromise and fix foods he will eat. If you don't like those foods then fix the meal for them and fix yourself something else.

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Again, my point is that as long as you and hubby don't compromise on what is going to be a meal you and he will continue this battle. You will lose. He is going to feed her what he considers normal food and you will be wasting your time and money.

If you cannot compromise with him then he wins. You lose. As long as she sees him eating one thing, and that is food she wants to eat, and you eating food she does not want to eat, he wins, you lose.

You have to come to a consensus. A compromise. He is not going to compromise as long as he is winning...why would he. He will be more likely to compromise if you give some leeway.

When you talk to him, please share this story with him. I had a little girl I used to care for. Her mom was a nursing student when I worked for her and then was a nurse. The dad was unhealthy and ate anything he wanted. The mom enrolled her in various sports. Dad won out. The girl started getting very fat. A few years after she fully hit super morbid obese, the father died of a heart attack at about 42 years of age. So now she's 22 years old, 300 pounds, dad is dead and mom is still thin and healthy.

Ask him if he wants this to be your family story in 15 years?

Sit down with him and watch Food Inc or Food Matters - both are documentaries available for streaming on Netflix if you have a subscription. Discuss your concerns with processed food and ask him to help you make a plan together to both teach your daughter healthy habits but also not make him feel like there are too many restrictions. You just need a healthy plan for you both to stick to! If that doesn't work a trip to the pediatrician or a nutritionist together is in order!

Yes, you need to talk to him. We were raised that we eat what is put in front of us or you get NOTHING until the next meal. My kids were raised like this too and I don't have problems with them being picky. They don't eat every single veggie put in front of them but they are good at at least tasting it. I have never made them something different to eat than what we eat. Good luck talking to him, he's likely not going to listen and you may need to have him go to the next doc appt and have him listen to what the doc says. Hopefully you will get this resolved, its setting up your child to have years of issues with food. Good luck.

I would also talk to your husband, not only he is feeding her junk food when there is a healthy meal in front of her, but also, he is going against you in front of her.
Just as you are doing the right thing and wait until she goes to sleep so she doesn't see you argue, he shouldn't let his daughter know that he can go over you.
You can argue and sometimes don't agree in something but you should try to come out with ONE solution in front of your daughter.
In my house we eat healthy, but we also eat some treats. Some times my husband is a ice cream lover, and he likes to treat us with ice cream, I like that, it became part of our rituals on weekends.
But giving fast food to your kid only so she would eat and allow her to let your food at the table is not acceptable, not healthy and not smart!

I would talk to him about "eating" vs "eating well". What do you consider an inappropriate substitute? What does she need to eat? My DD eats cookies - once she's earned them by eating good food. She's 3 and she can tell you that a banana or pear is a "healthy food" and if she doesn't eat her dinner, she can't have cookies, chips, etc.

Try to get him to see that eating just anything (like the mom on TV feeding her kid a doughnut) is sometimes worse than eating less but eating well. Cookies will just give her a sugar crash.

Everyone's version of "normal kid food" is different. In my home, fresh peas still in the pod are "normal" for DD. My SD was 7 and hopping up and down in the store begging for artichokes. The girls love candy, too, but there's no law that says kids need to only eat mac and cheese and hot dogs. Kids need to see and try foods many times before they really accept or reject it.

It may very well be time for him to have a sit-down with the pediatrician if he won't listen to you. Detail your concerns (many doctors allow you to email them these days) and either ask the doctor to write back or make an appointment with him there.

I would also ask him what he wants to accomplish. Is he permissive in general? Did his mom ply him with food? (My SD used to get candy all the time to keep her quiet....she has had tooth issues all her life.)