Follow up to "How to Politely Ask a Friend to Change Plans."

How sad that she prioritized the DRINKING over spending some quality time with her friend.

It is very rare for me to see my old friends, so when we get the chance to, we eek out whatever opportunity we have. None of us are able to do "girls weekends," but if one of my friends has a layover or convention in Chicago, I pick them up and we go out for coffee or dinner--anything to be able to spend just a little face to face time together.

You definitely made the right decision. If she REALLY wanted to see you as much as you were wanting to see her, she would have been amenable to whatever you could accomodate.

It is what it is, so don't sweat it. Stand true to YOU. You know what you need to do and put things in perspective. If she got offended, that's HER hang up and she's probably pissed that she can't party.

Congratulations! Part of being an adult and a good spouse, is respecting yourself and your husband. Sometimes it's hard to say no to a friend, but some times it's the right thing to do. I'm sorry it didn't work out and hope your friend can arrange a mutually convenient arrangement next time. All my best.

She's being immature. Don't even worry about it.

ES:

Maybe you have outgrown this friend? I am sorry, I know you were trying very hard to be kind to her, not to upset her....

But perhaps this is a good thing. Your green light to move on.

I think most of us who are healthy people do understand. For most of us, when a beloved friend comes to our town-- or we go to theirs-- we are happy even just meeting up for coffee or lunch and catching up for the couple of hours they might have available. We are glad that they were able to make the time to see us.

I'm sorry your friend couldn't be gracious and understand that some things aren't about her. She made assumptions, ignoring your previous information and hesitations. Perhaps she just thought you would be a pushover and you pushed back? Perhaps she's changed for the worse since you used to spend time with her?

When you feel better, I do hope you find a time when you consider this a very hard blessing to receive. Either she'll get her act together and apologize (and do it before she decides she wants to stay with you again) or she'll just disappear. You really did the best you could, and again-- most reasonable people would have no problem with what you had offered.

Hugs. Sorry this sucks. I hope you do something nice for yourself tomorrow.:)

ES, I have to say that it sounds like your friend is a user. I'm so sorry. I remembered your situation and very much wanted to see your update, and I'm sad for you this it's this.

She really comes across as just wanting a place to crash and drink while someone watched her kid so she could do it. Does she have a drinking problem?

I think you might need to re-evaluate your relationship with her. If this happened to me, that's what I would do.

Funny, we had a friend over last night who couldn't come until late - she asked us to eat without her and she would warm up the dinner in the microwave. Of course, we waited on her to come, had a lovely late dinner and then went out for fun (our kiddo is out of town on a school-sponsored trip) and then invited her to spend the night. We woke late and had a leisurely breakfast of homemade waffles, scrambled eggs, OJ and mixed fruit. We listened to Bach's Mass in B minor, Hello Dolly with Carol Channing, and Sarah Brightman. What a wonderful morning with our friend! She was grateful to us, we were grateful to her, and all I can think is that this is what friendship is about. Why she couldn't do this with YOU a day early in order to accommodate your husband? I have no clue... I hope you have other friends who are REAL friends, and not pretend ones...

Dawn

I would never make my friend feel bad under those circumstances and you probably would not have either. The problem lies with her.

Immaturity is such a pain to everyone else.

If one of your kids grew up and had to make this decision about one of his friends..who would you think was in the wrong?

She didn't like it that your family came before her drinking/partying.
Too bad.
She didn't get her way so she gave you a flounce off.
She sounds rather immature.
You should be glad you won't have to deal with her drama.

Um...real friends don't put conditions on time together.
Sounds like she was more interested inmpartying than spending time with her friend. Sad.
You did the right thing.

yeah sounds like your friend is still in the "party/selfish" phase, and hasn't grown into the "family-comes-first" stage. the fact that she doesn't bother to get her child to bed at a decent hour says a lot too. she isn't in the same place you are...i'm glad you stood up for your family and did the right thing. good job!

At this point, your hubby is more important......

She originally said Saturday, and that was fine with you... but then SHE changed the day, unfortunately to a day that wouldn't work out.

If she gets over it, fine... if not, I guess she is going to sulk about it. You really don't need to feel bad... she needs to grow up. If she were a REAL friend, she would understand that your hubby is also important to you.....

Personally I think your husband could have dealt with one night of less than perfect sleep. Especially for someone who lives out of state and isn't visiting you frequently. But, you sent the email. She took it less than gracefully and things are what they are. If she doesn't want to get together this time maybe it will work out next time.

Being a person who travels back to my home state to visit with friends and family, I can tell you that a last minute change of plans is sometimes hard to accommodate and can be, frankly, annoying.

She sounds a bit high maintenance. You can apologize again, but it seems you already did that

She's immature, selfish and rude.

wow! she's touchy!
you are sweet to be so concerned about it.
i tend to weed out 'friends' who are this high maintenance.
khairete
S.

You apologised, tried to explain and she was still upset, she will get over it in time. Nothing else you can do. She should be more understanding as a friend.

You did the right thing, she is being a child, and has no respect for others. Sorry you couldn't at least have had lunch, but you have nothing to feel bad about.

You did fine! Don't beat yourself up. She is just pissed off because she didn't get her way and it didn't fit into her idea of plans. She chose to act offended. You didn't do anything wrong. You set a boundary and she didn't like it----so she is trying to punish you by not hanging out with you----giving the guilt trip. Say oh, sorry to hear your mad. When you choose to act like a real adult friend, call me! :)

You did what was best for your family. Thats all that matters.

Interesting... and very telling of her character and whether or not she's an actual "friend". A friend wouldn't make you feel bad for being honest with her and thinking of your family first - she would understand and try to be flexible. It's not like she had to work or anything, she could've bent on the plans a little bit. Life is too short for dramatic, spoiled divas like that. Ugh.

The only place where I think you could've done better was by calling her to talk to her about it. Email and texting leave so much to be desired.

You made a new offer. Things come up. If she didn't like the new parameters, she was welcome to decline. If she's not looking for the same kind of evening you are, it was just going to be miserable anyway. Don't feel badly about it.

You weren't wrong. She handled it poorly and took offense where there wasn't any. It sounds like she takes offense easily and has a very thin skin. Hopefully after she thinks about it for a while she'll apologize for acting like a spoiled brat.