Follow up Question to Last Week's Problem - Neighbor

Yes, your son knows that the play date went poorly yesterday and that you weren't happy about it. He knows why it was cut short. But now it's time to have a frank discussion with him. Tell him straight out that every time Joey starts to misbehave he will be sent home early and there will have to be a break in play dates.

"Because when you hurt other people, it's not kind."
"Because when you are not kind to other people, it's disrespectful."
"Because when you disobey the grown-up in charge, it's disrespectful and can be dangerous."
"Because when you break someone else's toys, it hurts other people's feelings."
"Because when you push people down, it's not kind."
"Because when you talk back to friends and grown-ups, hurt other people, break rules at other people's houses, and break other people's things, it's a bad example for younger kids. Joey isn't being a good example for you."

Your son deserves an answer, Mom. I know it's hard, but he's growing up and you can do this.

Give him examples of Joey's really bad behavior. Ask him if that kind of behavior is allowed? He'll say no. Then you say to him that because Joey doesn't listen and continues to misbehave (be explicit), that you cannot have him in your home.

Tell him that part of wanting to be with people is being respected. Talk about respect in a way that he can understand. And when he starts to see how disrespectful Joey is, things will start to make sense to him.

Good luck!
Dawn

I would just tell him how it is - Joey does not play nicely, show respect and follow our rules and the consequence is that he can not come over to play. No need for more detail...just broken record this to him every time he asks.

Well, my child tells everything so you are smart. The outside rule is good too.
You will have to be RIGHT THERE and ON that kid all the time. Correct his ugly behavior. Your son is too young to be annoyed or embarrassed by you.
Do you have a wood fence? It would be worth it.

Hi MoM,

Lets take a moment of deep breaths and feet reclined and meditate on the situation as is.
You are loving, caring, a natural-mother tiger out to protect thy cub!!- i know! I am too!! ....so I "get you"..!
This is definatley not a "because I said so" thing for your little cublet. Go back to being four years old- or what would your ideal toddler act like?? ....Imitate That.
Speak the lingo. Tell your son, " i no wann Joey to hurt your feelins..." (pouting). Tell him, " if joey takes somethg away from you or pushes you or if Joey is mean to you, tell Joey that hes not being fair and real friends dont do that"!!!!!! Proceed to teach your baby all about what a true friend is. Find stories of true friendship that are age appropriate, and any chance you get, teach him, " That is what a True Friend does!!!" (big smile), or "no, i dont think a true friend does that. I think a true friend shares his toys with his other friends" (ex).
As MoM, you are crowned Royalty.
You are his prime example.
Remember that through Life, our situations are not always fair!! As much as we want to shelter them, sometimes .... Well, you know..!!
Teach him to say, "whatevvver"!!! Jk ; )
And no matter what, just teach him that " if someone isnt nice then its ok too. We just have to humbly decide that we dont like how we feel around them, therefore we are going to change it!! "(with dignified look)
Teach him to be A Leader.
Always exemplify the change you wish to see..!!
Im sure he loves you a ton!!!!
Take care now ;). Good luck!!!!

You are nice to let the boy play at all. Keep him outside and when he acts bad, tell him to go home. Your little boy can tell he is being mean, right? Tell him after Joey goes home that he was being bad, and remind him how. Then he will understand why he can't stay to play.

I would explain to him as well but also let him figure out if he really likes how Joey treats him or not. Joey does have to follow the rules of your house etc and if he doesn't, then tell your son that the playdate is over and that's why. I feel that's a way to teach my kids to respect other people's rules too. Don't and you'll get sent home. In terms of how he treats your son, I'd be more lenient then. I'd point out if you see Joey doing things that aren't nice and talk about it with your son but not cutoff playing unless it was physically dangerous or just over the top bad. In a way, with you there, this is a safe learning environment for your son. At 4, he doesn't quite get it all yet but he can learn. There was a girl in our neighborhood my oldest daughter always wanted to play with but she was mean sometimes too. (1 year older than my daughter) I overlooked it but eventually my daughter grew up some and decided she didn't like her very much anymore. It was an interesting talk to have when she decided that.

we have a neighbor boy that doesn't always get along with my son. there is only a year difference between the boys. i don't don't always like the boy either but i'm no the one playing with him. you need to set rules for your house but not for the two of them to play together. this is part of letting your son to grow up. you can't shelter your son's play dates all the time and choose his friends for him. of course if the other boy is using language you don't approve of tell him. talk to this child. maybe this boy is lacking attention. sometimes it's hard to back up and let the boys be!!!

Well if it helps any your son will grow up a lot more in the next few years and will want to play less with this little boy. And hopefully this little boy Joey will mature as well. When we moved into our current house or son was 5 and he just adored the older boys on our street. They all played together a lot and he begged to play with them daily. They were actually quite nice to him but they did not let him get his way and most of the time they wanted to play something different than he did bc they are much older. Now that my son is 7 he no longer really wants to play with these bigger boys and he has his own friends over...friends from school, cub scouts, soccer etc. On the other hand, when we first moved here there was a little boy who was almost 2 yrs younger than our son living next door. Our son was not very nice to him sometimes bc of their age difference. We cracked down hard on our son and he stopped the mean bossy behavior but it took work on our part...and consequences. He was no longer allowed to go in their yard to play for a month and this killed him at that time bc the older kids would all go play there and he would just have to watch. He was nice after that and all was well. Sadly that family moved about a year later and we miss them! Anyway, talk to your son about Joey not being kind (and can you talk to his parents?) and not the kind of friend your son wants. Then set some real boundaries, like Joey is not allowed to play in your house or your son in his. Perhaps once every 2 weeks invite Joey to your yard to play while you are right there supervising. Set house rules with Joey and stick to them. Joey, if you are to play here you are not to 1. speak rudely 2. hog toys and not share, 3. call names (whatever the issue is). As soon as you do one of these things you need to go home. Then make him leave if he misbehaves. And then make LOTS of playdates for your son with other 4 year old boys. Boys who are 4 and 6 are VERY different!!!!

Try to be honest with him as best as you can without insulting the other kid or his family. Say things like "we do things differently", etc. And try to keep your son busy doing other things so that there's no time to play with the other kid. Set up play dates with other kids. Soon the attraction will wear off.