Flirting Husband - Downers Grove,IL

can you secretly video tape him? then when he is calm, show him the video if he disputes his flirting~!

M

I was going to ask you to be more specific with us and provide details about his behavior as there are none in your post....but I like Molly's idea below, try to pretend to video tape the kids next time these women are around and turn the camera on him, then watch it later.

It seems so odd to come onto your female family members after 16 yrs. of being together.

What I don't like about his response, is calling you crazy. That is a condescending and a rather 'get off my back' response to you, his wife he should care deeply about. Is he always this disrespectful when you have your own mind or interpretations about stuff?

If this is a new behavior, what changed in the past year? Something could be happening at work or he found a grey hair ect. He could be feeling less masculine and is over compensating. Not that this is an excuse for his flirting but he may not even realize he's doing it. Secretly taping him might be a solution but it could backfire if he thinks you are 'spying' on him. Try talking to him in a non-confrontational way and ask him what's going on. Let him know he is still your one and only love and just as desirable as he has always been, no matter how many grey hair he has.

Are you sure it started last year or you just noticed it last year??? If he's bold enough to flirt with family, there's no telling what he has already done with friends. Take note to the friends (and family) who do not come to visit when he's home. I had to do this with a friend years ago because her husband would flirt with anything breathing. It was very, very uncomfortable and whenever she would extend an invitation to me to visit, my first question was "is he home?".

what do the women say? How do they respond? & moving on....how are your hormones doing? That could easily be the root of all of the issues! Peace.....

Oh my goodness! I just seen and read your post and your follow up. First, shame on your husband, and your cousin AND out of ALL people, your sister! I blame your husband for doing such a thing but I mostly would have to say that your cousin and sister should no better! They are obviously one's you would'nt and SHOULD'NT trust! The way I see is that men will always be men (not saying its ok) but it's the devilish women that are allowing it. Do they NOT have any self respect or moral's? It's one thing if he was "checking" out a women that was NOT in the family (again, not saying its ok). I would also REMIND him that he is a father of two beautiful "intelligent" girls and that they will notice things like that in the future and question him. Please, do NOT trust those women, that just breaks my heart to hear that it's women in your family, totally un-called for. That just makes me want to VOMIT, the thought of "hitting" on any one of my brother in laws is just disgusting! Or they "checking me out- or flirting with me!) . Now my dear is the time to put your foot down and when there is another family gathering make sure that those two women are'nt there. But keep preeching to your husband that it's inappropriate! And ask him how he would feel if he caught you flirting with another man, guarantee you he would'nt like it!

UPDATE after your response.----um...WHAT??! Super trashy! You need to lose the cousin and the sister and dump the husband. Gross. YOUR SISTER AND COUSIN ARE HORRIBLE INFLUENCES ON YOUR KIDS.

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I'm assuming you're 100% sure or you wouldn't be bringing it up after so long with him. I'm also assuming you have addressed this with the cousin and sister, and they agree it's flirting. So. You need to tell him to quit. And if the sister and cousin are participating in any way, they need to quit.

When men try to flirt with me, it's like flirting with a clueless brick wall. It goes nowhere. It takes two to flirt, unless he's making them very uncomfortable and ignoring their total dismissal of him. Either way, you need to to tell him to quit. No matter whether anyone thinks its socially OK or not. You don't like it. So he needs to quit.

When I was first dating my husband, he was 30 and a lifelong popular bachelor and musician. Super social. Billions of female friends. I was fine with that, and he didn't really flirt, was just super personable. But he DID have a habit of "looking too long" at girls even if he was with me, even after we had become an "item". Like out and about at restaurants, or walking down the street or whatever. It took me a while to realize it, and of course at first I didn't want to seem like a freak and admit it to myself, much less bring it up, but over time it was like, "Wait a minute, I'm not imagining this! I'm 30, I've dated PLENTY of guys, and NO ONE, not even a friend I'm hanging out with, has been rude enough to look too long at chicks when we're together." I asked a couple of friends if I was over reacting, and they confirmed, "No, you're not, he shouldn't do that. Duh."
So.

One night we were out with a group of our friends, and he KEPT looking at this group of girls across the bar. At one point, our male friend even looked over there too, to see what he was looking at, and then looked at ME to see if I noticed my date kept looking over there! GRR! When we got home, I read him the riot act. Believe it or not (and I knew his trashy family and that he had no good influences in his home regarding basic manners) he claimed no to know better. He said he didn't realize he did it, no ex girl friends had ever mentioned it to him, but he noticed me looking at him that night and realized it wasn't OK, and he felt bad, and he was sorry. He even claimed not to know it was rude, and unbelievably, I think he actually may not have know it was :-0. Luckily we were only dating, and I took this as a serious deal breaker and let him know we would no longer be dating if I ever saw him do it again because it was absolutely the most trashy awful behavior ever and it made me really angry. Period. I told him I've told off guys for looking at me in the past right in front of their dates. True.

I can honestly say, 10 years later, he has never done it again. When he's not with me, he probably does it. Men look at ladies all the time-maybe most men do that when they're on their own-who knows. But with me, he NEVER looks too long. Back in the beginning, he also didn't know that ladies should order first, or that he should open the door for me if we get to it at the same time in public rather than always standing back and letting me open it??!! or that if I'm carrying heavy stuff, he should pitch in and help. And believe me, his parents did not teach him these things. But he does them all now happily.

Your husband is tough, because would you divorce him if he kept flirting? You do need a consequence to the action once you've warned him. Explain what he's doing. give him the benefit of the doubt if he says he didn't realize it, lay down the law, and enforce. Give him a chance and believe in him, he may change.

That's a problem...based on your follow up post clearly there's something going on. People don't just make mention of things like their cell phone not showing numbers. Shame on your cousin and your sister. He's only able to flirt with them if they allow it and it sounds like that is exactly what they're doing. If he's that open with your relatives I can't imagine what his interaction is like with strangers.

What kind of flirting? Do they flirt back?

My husband is in a profession where the spotlight is frequently on him. He's a lead guitarist in a few bands (he teaches lessons on the side). He's very attractive, very personable, very polite and funny and is really good at what he does. SO, he gets a lot of attention when he is done performing. A lot of women flirt with him. I don't mind, it comes with the territory with what he does. He's always polite about it to the women and to me, and it doesn't affect our relationship one bit. BUT, he doesn't flirt back, he just politely lets them say what they say and excuses himself. He's very appealing up there. I don't blame those women. LOL.

Since you are his wife and you have a problem with him flirting- then he should respect that and have boundaries. If I was in your situation, I'd probably make a joke about it while he's flirting. I'd come up to him and flirt even more than he was, but I'd do it to him. I'd say a cheesy line like "Is it hot in here, or is it just you?" I'd probably reference about how he's a chick magnet and where'd he find these ladiesmaybe even pat him on the bottom, etc... and make a big enough deal about it that he would probably get embarrassed. LOL :)

so? My brother in law flirts with me and I know it's just fun and teasing and nothing more. It could just be him being comfortable and friendly.

If this were me, I would go straight to the source = my sister and cousin. Ask them if they feel your husband has been flirtatious with them and ask them to be perfectly honest with you. Be honest with them about what you've witnessed and you just want validation.

Hopefully, they are not flirting back…

I don't think asking him to leave or do an intervention is necessary. But I think you need to calmly tell him how you feel about it.

Maybe you should tell him you want him to flirt with you the same way he's flirting with them...he may really not even realize he's doing.

You're not alone, and not crazy! I recently had this happen to me, and they were both flirting with each other, and what did they do? Deny it, or say that I was crazy! Go with your gut, and it's not like it was hearsay, you saw it YOURSELF! These kind of people are low level pieces of sh*t! And how about this: I asked my cousin what was going on, and she said yes, he did do something inappropriate, and then when I called her with him in the room, she coped a plea, and changed her story. Him and I are done, but her and I are DUNZO! I couldn't believe it!

I would guess your family members would deny, deny, deny. If he is that opened with flirting with family members, you gotta know he must be doing it with other women you don't know. It's been 4 months since you asked the question. Has things improved? Have you tried counceling? I say drop the loser, you are better off without him and I'm sure you have other family members you can count on that will be there for you.

Good luck and let us know how things turned out. Be strong, not just for your, but for your precious girls.

Do you think your sis or cuz would hook up with a PIG who would cheat on their own CLOSE relative? If so, you need to make some serious changes in your life and so do they....ALL THREE.

Have him move out and start watching Mad Men on Sunday nights. I'm also curious as to what you cousin and sister have to say???

Blessings.....

What sort of flirting are you talking about? There are all sorts of definitions... and some people's definition of flirting is another person's definition of being friendly. Can you give us some examples of things he's done? And how do your cousin and sister feel about the situation?

He is in the wrong. Talk to them and get them to come over and you all 3 calmly confront him together. Say "You may not realize how you are coming across in an inappropriate manner, but we all 3 feel like you were flirting when .....": It will let him know you and your loved ones will not tolerate this.