Motherly Advice for a Boyfirend's Wandering Eye

Cut him loose. His upper brain is wandering along with his eye, and you don't need to wait for his "lower brain" to start wandering while you're away. You've only been dating for 5 months, and you're going to be away for that long. He's already shown he can't be trusted. You don't need the hassle while you're on this amazing trip. Make the break, take some time to heal, and go to Australia HEART WHOLE so you can really soak in the experience. Enjoy! I wish I could go with you!

You're 21. Go live and have fun. If you want to take a break, that says it all to me.

Be sad for a day or so, but go have some fun!

You are worried about this guy when you are heading for Australia?
You've got better, more exciting things ahead of you.
Plus a whole new continent of men to look forward to meeting!
If he can't stop flirting, not for 6 months, not in front of you, I hate to tell you but you are better off without him.
He's still looking for someone else and is not ready to settle for you.

If I were your mother, and that would only have happened if I had you when I was 16 ;-) I would ask you why he's still checking his OK Cupid account, a dating web site, while he's dating you. While he's supposedly happily dating you. I mean... he left the page up for you to see it. That kind of screams, "Please dump me, I'm scum and not worthy of your love. Look, here's proof! I'm even thinking of cheating! Maybe I already am!"

I think he's taking your relationship far less seriously than you are, and while he may be a great guy to hang out with and do fun stuff with, I don't believe he's relationship material.

Take it from an older lady who has, ahem, been around the block. You're very sweet to love him and his family and all that.

He doesn't deserve you. He will never act well. OR MAYBE he will when someone ties him down to be married, in, um...I don't know...15-20 years. But he'll probably still act badly then.

I know that sounds simplistic and hard to swallow, but it is true, you will see.

Ideally, if you're brave and busy: End it. Tell him, "You know, I think it's great you're so full of life and attracted to fabulous women, I totally understand why they find you appealing and vice versa, but this will never be OK with me. Take care, have a nice life. Maybe we'll talk after Australia. I'll let you call me if you want."

Girlfriend, my motherly advice to you is what it would be to my daughter. I used to pay my own way in NYC, and that makes you a SUPER TROOPER WAY above the cut. You're young, you're beautiful, you're healthy, you're a good person who knows how to treat people with respect. You deserve the same. Don't stand for less. There are MANY more fish in the sea. You do not need hurt and jealousy creeping in to taint this brief awesome phase of your life. Don't shut doors while this guy takes up your spare time.

The trouble with being a 21 year old yoga person (been one of those myself back in the day too) is that you're only one of tons of other young beautiful people. All with no attachments, all with lovely sparkly personalities, and elevated zen mentalities, all with hot bods. Men that age are rarely able to pick out what is really special about YOU in PARTICULAR, you're just another awesome, smart, independent, fun, pretty chick. It sucks to find out the guy you thought you knew so well, didn't really hold you above the crowd the way you did him.

I've been with men like that. REALLY lovable charming ones too. It sucks. It only gets worse. Never better. Even the ones who seemed to quit ogling other chicks, ended up having well hidden disloyal traits. It's insecurity. It's extremely bad behavior. Nice men NEVER do that. Of all my friend with AMAZING husbands: none of them are flirtatious. All my girlfriends who dated or married flirtatious guys: It grossed out their friends, it ended badly. It's not cute.

Be thankful for the good times and move along. You nailed it on the head, respectfully dismissing him NOW, and telling him calmly and sweetly why, will be the ultimate "keeping of your dignity."

Wish someone gave me that talk.

Have a blast in Australia!

In my opinion, someone who is husband-worthy (or even just long term relationship worthy) shouldn't be having wandering eyes/conversations like that. He's not just looking that he's doing (which I'm personally opposed to in marriage anyway!), he's actually lining women up, like you said.

I personally wouldn't be able to handle a man like that. I feel like I am worth more than that and deserve to have his full love and respect if he expects me to give him the same in return. And, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that I didn't feel comfortable giving him all my love and attention.

He can be the nicest guy, have a great family, be a lot of fun, etc...but it doesn't make him a good candidate for husband or long term. I'm sorry to say, but I would definitely end it...maybe even now. I know that I couldn't handle that. I like that my hubby doesn't look or flirt with other women...he only does that with me. It makes me feel special:-) You deserve that too.

How about a little Fatherly advice?

Its time to move on. Actually its not time to move on! Its five months PAST time to move on.

Based on what you've written, you were only his "boy toy" and he has made no real committment to you. If you want a boy (not a man), he sounds like he'll do, but just barely. But aren't you worth more than that? It sounds like you think you are worth more.

Send him an e-mail and say good by. Chalk this up to experience (a bad experience) and don't do it again.

Good luck to you and yours.

Oh Honey, the boys are smokin' hot in Australia!

:)

Clearly you never had him at go. At your age, why put your life on hold for a guy who is still worried that the next one might be better than the one he's with? These kind of guys don't get married or commit until they're in their 30's and 40's...if at all. Get rid of him and find someone who will be mature and faithful to you. If it's meant to be, you won't have to do anything to make him want to be with only you. If he were truly in love, he wouldn't be on a site like Cupid.

B.,
Let me ask you, could you live with this for the rest of your life? Do you want a man who isn't totally committed to you? Do you want to live with doubt and uncertainty? If not, then now is the time to cut it off. Let him know that you cannot and will not be in a relationship with a man who is not totally there. If either one of you has a "take a break while we are apart and then see about it later" attitude, that speaks volumes. Wherever you are, be all there. And, he's somewhere else already. I would ditch him. You deserve better. Do you want to be married to a man who flirts with other women? Do you want this? Forget the specific person right now, think about the character. Is this the type of man you want to devote your life to? Do you want someone who cherishes you, even when you are unavailable to him? You do have a choice.

If you were my daughter and this was going on? I would say "why are you putting up with this? You are young and have so much going for you - why would you want to be saddled with a man who is constantly looking elsewhere?"

You may be in love - but he is not. If he was - he wouldn't be chatting it up with other women...if he was in love with you too - he would be making plans and focusing on YOU...not other women...

Do yourself a favor - let him go...when he finds out what a wonderful W. he let go - HE can work to get you back...do NOT pine after him...

21 and independent, how impressive. If you can survive NYC on your own, you can manage anywhere. Be single, have fun and enjoy the ride!!!

Okay, I'll pretend you're my daughter. You might get upset with this mama, but here goes:

The boy wants to make his relationship with you work while you're in Australia, but he's lining up entertainment for himself for while you're gone? He says (I assume) that he has feelings for you, but he thinks it's all right to make other girls believe he has feelings for *them*? That's what flirting is.

You wouldn't put up with that in a husband. Why would you put up with it in a boyfriend? As the saying goes, "Never make as a priority someone who only makes you an option."

I suggest you start distancing yourself from him now. YOU decide when you see him and when you don't. You be in charge of the relationship, and you decide when it ends - tomorrow, if you like. If he gets miffed, wave goodbye and keep making your plans.

It's a shame, but Australia is much more realistic, and his flirting is more of a fact, than the idea that you two have any future together that involves real commitment. He's not mature enough to be committed. He's showing it. Sometimes men grow up, but do you really want to wait around seeing if maybe he does?

I'm thinking that you might be feeling anxious - as if you wouldn't have anything if he left you. You're mistaken. You're only wandering into the unknown. You have a world of adventure ahead of you, and you already realize that his eyes and brain have never been yours at all.

I think you'd rather have somebody truthful.

One of the major requirements for having a boyfriend, much less a husband, is being able to do without one and still feel like a real, whole person. This trip is your chance to do that. I hope you have a fabulous time and make many new friends. And don't pick out any one of those nice Aussie guys until you know what his eyes and his mind are *really* like.

Girl don't waste your time. You already know what you need to do. Sometimes you have to make decisions as if you were the man in the relationship. Answer this...if he read a conversation you were carrying on with some guy would he stick around? If you were flirty with other guys would he want a relationship? When you go to Australia you already know he going to cheat on you & you'll be sick worrying about what he's doing here. Let him go now & get over him. It's better to be miserable for a short time than to be miserable for a long time. You'll never meet Mr. Right if your wasting your time with Mr. Wrong.

Motherly advice? Okay, you deserve so much more than he can/will offer you. If you don't set your sights higher you will end up settling for this kind of b.s. your whole life and baby girl, life is way to short for that. End it quickly and go make the life you want for yourself. Make sure any man you are with brings it all to the table because you know that you will.

You don't need a mama to tell you what you need to do. The huge red flag here is that he's in a relationship with you yet still has his ok cupid account which he's actively checking. I'd say give him the heave ho and have fun in Australia.

Sweetie:
You may be committed to him but he's not committed to you. Pack his stuff and change the locks. You deserve a better person than him to love.

Get rid of him now before he gives you an incurable or deadly disease. He's been out playing while you have been working.

You can do better. Motherly enough? LOL

find yourself an Aussia, yummy! Dump the douchbag. have yourself a blast from now until you leave. I know it sucks that the Holidays are coming but dont waste your money or any more of your time on him.

If it bothers you now, it will continually bother you even if you go to your program and come home.

If you are secure in your relationship you'll be fine but from reading your post, you are not secure and neither is he.

You sound like a nice person and trying to do the right thing. The " right" thing now is to think of you, what are you looking for, what do you want, what can you handle?

If you can't handle ( not speaking in terms of overbearing, demanding). Speaking in terms if self esteem then let him go.

You are young, have much to explore. Don't let 1 selfish guy hold you back from everything you are capable of doing for you!!

.

You are 21, into yoga, going to Australia? What you need him for? Good riddens! I am sure you have more love than that coming your way.

He's playing you -plain and simple! Dump him and move on. There are so many more fish in the sea! I've been there/done that. It can be sad to "dump" a family you really like, but they're not worth dating an a-hole! It may hurt now, but if you keep hanging on and letting him do this sort of thing, it's going to hurt a lot worse.

I am assuming that you have both agreed that you are dating exclusively. If so, his behavior is absolutely unacceptable! I would cut YOURSELF free right now and not waste another minute on him. If you wait, your feelings for him will only deepen and the hurt will be worse, as he is not likely to stop.

I hate to tell you, but even without Australia, I don't see a future with a guy who is dating someone but is still chatting with women on OK Cupid. That seems very shady, and that he isn't trustworthy.

I think I would tell him you think it's better to see other people. This sounds like an amazing opportunity, and you shouldn't be weighed down from experiencing it to the fullest potential. And who knows- YOU might just meet someone new. :) There are some beautiful men in Australia! I won't patronize you with the "you're so young" speech. But in 10 years, this guy will more than likely be a distant memory. I thought I would marry the guy I was dating when I was your age. The thought of that makes me laugh now.
Honestly, the long-distance thing is hard even if you are only a couple hours away. Why worry yourself senseless trying to make this work? Go to Oz and live it up!

If he is this quick to make a back up plan for when you're gone, then I'm sorry to say it, but you don't have a future together.

First red flag was not deleting the dating account altogether. Why does a taken person need to keep that type of profile going?

Second red flag is him already trying to replace you when you you're gone, before you're even gone. If he's doing this now, I hate to say it, but he's either already cheated, or is thinking of doing so, soon.

I'm going to pull old lady rank here, and tell you that you need to recognize the red flags, which are major, in my opinion, and move on to someone better. He is obviously a player & not trustworthy. Please don't waste what is a great time in your life, with a person like this. I was young & dumb & now I know better. I hope you do, too. If you continue with him, the red flags will be all over the place, and in 5 wasted years, you will wonder what you were thinking. Sounds like he's young, too. This is exactly why young people need to live for themselves & not just to shack up.

Some men are chronic cheaters and are unlikely to change. This guy sounds like one of them. If you can't trust him (which it sounds like you clearly can't), there just can't be a long term relationship. Save yourself some heartache and move on. You've got such exciting things ahead of you. You're so young and people change soooo much in their 20s. You'll date a bunch of guys before you find the right one. Have a great time in Australia!

Time to say bye bye, like now. Why waste your time with someone who is already looking for a replacement? You aren't even married yet and have only been together less than a year. If he's not committed now, he probably won't be committed like, ever. No, he would be looking for a replacement whether you were going to Australia or not. is he planning on waiting till you leave to act on his new ladies? What about when you come back... will he leave the new girls in the dust and come back to you to be faithful? I highly doubt it. Any faithful man can wait for their woman without using that as an excuse. After 6 months of dating my husband, a girl put her hand on his shoulder and he firmly asked her to remove it b/c he was in a relationship. That is the kind of man you should be with. Go to Australia and meet some hotties for all of us moms!

oh, how i've been in you're shoes.

i'll tell you now, i know men. i've been married for 10 years. my husband's friends are mostly single. even the married ones aren't so pristine.

some are more more social and flirty than others. some are extrememly loyal. all will naturally be attracted to other women. but we also can be attracted and flirt with other men. it's natural. but you have to know where to draw the line.

i think your guy isn't over the single life. he is seeking out other women to feel wanted by and that is just not okay. and trust me, if you forbid it, it just becomes a challenge for him to figure out how to get past it.

dump this zero, you seem like a sweet, self reliant woman. your parents clearly raised you well. find someone that deserves you.

Just break it off. He's clearly not committed and you're really at an age where you need not commit. Enjoy your trip (and those yummy Aussie-accented gentlemen!).

From what you told about your boyfriend lining up girls to flirt with while you are gone, i personally feel that there can rarely be a future for you guys to be together. I would advice you not to take this relationship too seriously, because its really hard to have a long distance relationship and that too with a flirtatious partner, quite difficult. Keep in touch with him while you are away, and see wether he too is serious about you. I am telling this from my own experiance,me and my ex had a break up because of long distance, he went to different place after his studies were completed (was my senior in collage). when he was in collage we both wanted to get married, and so only he went to look for job and in the meanwhile we use to talk on phone, there were times that we met only after 3 months...first 8 months, the relationship went as if nothing had changed, but then as time went by everything started changing the calls became rare, and then the meeting, and then i got a good news that he is dating someone else. B., I don't think that you can count on this guy, from what you say i can understand that you are commited to him, but i don't think that he has taken you as seriously as you have taken him, if he was as serious like you, then he won't be keeping a back up plan. My words may sound that i hate all men folks, but the truth is that, to find a man who belives in long distance love, that is who is ok with love with out being physically close,(in all sense), is quite difficult. sex is their main weakness and if they are not getting it, then its obvious that they may go in serch of some other female to fullfill their need....(not all men are same, there are exception too, but 7 out of 10 men don't get matured enough to know that sex is not everything)...we women get matured soon and so we look forward commitment, marriage in a relationship, but men they don't like to be commited,for them commitment means restriction, and they like to be free, and this is the main reason that most of the time men don't want to get married earlier..for them marrieage means commitment and then their thrill or chase is over, and fun ends...this guy belongs to the told catogory...he is not yet matuared enough to start a family, and if in case you start a family, then there is no garanty that he'll be loyal to you after your marriage....why to spoil your life by getting married to such a guy,when u have a option now, better take it, and throw him out of your life and move forward.

I couldn't stand the flirting now. If my husband had ever told some chick she had amazing eyes he would have two black ones. It's not ok to flirt if it bothers you. It obviously bothers you. Do you know you want to take a break because you know he won't be faithful while you're gone? If that's it then end it now because he probably won't be faithful in the long run(just my opinion). I would break it off now. He is going to be having the time of his life with all the women you say he has lined up meanwhile you will be in Australia nursing a broken heart waiting to hear from him and not having a good time. You will come back and have missed him so much only to be quite possibly devastated that he has been with a bunch of women. If you decide to break up now then you will have worked through the devastation,the late night cry fests,the phone calls,and any other thing that happens with a fresh break up. Then when you head to Austrailia you won't be so jaded and will be open to and want to have a good time doing whatever you are doing there. Good luck,breaking up is hard no matter what the situation.

If you two were planning to stay together during your travels and "make it work", that signifes committment. And committment includes loyalty to your partner and rejection of all other potential partners. In this case, flirting with other potential partners is inappropriate, not to be expected, and you ought to confront him for the wrongdoing.

However, since you were planning to break up or "take a break" in a few months, there does not appear to be committment in the relationship, so flirtation with other men or women is not wrongdoing. It may sound harsh, but it's true. You cannot expect to have a boyfriend commit to you (by not pursuing other women) AND you yourself withhold committment from your boyfriend (leave him while you travel the world).

Good luck

how long have you been in a relationship? if this is his attitude then with just a blink she'll find another woman...

talk and if he cant change then there's no reason to keep your relationship

talk to him. tell him how you feel, and find out how he feels. It is better than wondering.

Let him go. You are young and you can find better. You have more important things on your plate than a guy who isn't in it with both feet.

I would end it. I think until you settle into one place, you should just date. You need to worry about you and continue on your journey. All of this will come later. You do not need to worry yourself about these things now. I am sorry. Good luck with your studies.

You have enjoyed your time but now its time to end it and move on. Australia awaits! You are going to have so much fun with this new adventure. Enjoy all that it has to offer. When you come back and if he is still around then maybe but the flirting is a big red flag. Again, have fun! You are young!!

First of all what qualities do you want in a man? Realize now if he does not posses theese qualities you can not change him. Would you want him to try to change you? Let that be your guide. I believe you have found true love When you both would change the world before you would change each other. Not to say that this person is perfect. Just that you can accept them for who they are. If he stands beside you and let you be you. You can stand beside him and let him be him. Hope this helps.

He's not a bad guy based on what you've said. He actually seems to be pretty stand up. He's just not ready to settle into a monogamoous relationship, and THAT IS OKAY. You're not ready, either. I won't tell you that you don't "really love him", and at the risk of sounding condescending, you'll probably feel this way a couple more times before it's time to settle down. Heck, you might even meet somebody in Australia! Perspective doesn't come easy when you're 21--shoot, you don't have it yet because it comes with experience! To put this in perspective, you have been with this guy for 5 months, and that is absolutely no time at all. Even if he wanted to go away with you, you should discourage that and not attach yourself to him at that level at this point.

I used to date a big flirter too. But we were just teenagers and it didn't last. We are still friends though...and he has been married and divorced three times. He really is a good guy, and (as far as I know) has never cheated on any of his wives. But...I don't think he is very good at acting like a married man. Does that make sense? I think he kinda leads the ladies on a little bit, and it causes a bit of problem with them. I am thinking I dodged a bullet. :)