OK, this question is not about summer footwear, sorry!
I've read a ton of posts on here about all different sorts of things. I've noticed a trend & wanted to know 2 things: a. am I the only one who's noticed this & b. do you flip flop based on the sex of the person you're answering.
Here's the scenario. A woman writes a post about her husband cheating on her repeatedly, but doesn't necessarily give the reason behind the cheating. The majority of the answers she will receive will tell her to leave. Some of these answers will tell her if she doesn't leave, she's proving she has no self-worth.
Here's another scenario: A woman writes a post about cheating on her husband & feels like it's time to leave the relationship. Now it seems that all the answers are that she should absolutely stay with her husband & work it out to keep her family together.
Is this strange to anyone other than me? Thoughts...?
Thanks for all the different opinions, guys! I personally have posted a question similar to one of the scarios I listed & was blown away by the strong stance so many of the answers I received were. I know I have my own ideas about what's a healthy way to have a marriage, but that doesn't mean I always follow my own advice. I know everyone's situation is different & the fact of the matter is, nobody has to live with the decisions you ultimately make except for you. You've given me some things to think about for sure.
I notice that sometimes. For me and my husband, it doesn't matter who cheats. It's marriage breaker for both of us.
I think cheating, is cheating, is cheating. No matter who does it, they are wrong. It doesn't matter the reasoning. They should leave FIRST, then explore a relationship. Cheating is a terrible act, male or female. It is never OK. Cheating damages families and sets a horrible example for children, male or female.
If you've been cheated on... you have no power. It is COMPLETELY out of your control.
If you're the one cheating... it's all on you, completely within your power to change your behaviors/ quit disrespecting and betraying your spouse. Put up or shut up. Get back in your marriage with both feet (including the possibility of opening it up), or do the honorable thing and get a divorce.
I believe that whether you are a cheater or have been cheated on that you need to leave. End of story.
No, that advice trend does not seem strange to me - Because of the fact that we can only control our own behavior.
If he cheats she ultimately has no control over whether he continues or does it again.
If she cheats it is in her power to end it and start putting appropriate work into her marriage. We don't know her as more than a screen name and we don't know what actually goes on in the marriage. I think most of us assume there is good in everyone, so hence the advice trend that you see. Maybe it is not always the best advice, but that is a limitation of talking to people in this format.
I think it largely depends on the situation, but 9 times out of 10 I'd tell the person who was cheated on to get out of the marriage.
The situation to which you're referring, I'd absolutely say get out. What's the point of staying? You're not helping anyone.
I think it all depends on the circumstances. I personally could stay with my husband if he ever cheated, and he knows it! I would have a very hard time ever trusting again, and what is a marriage without trust?
BUT, If a couple is willing to work on their marriage and committed to trying I would be supportive. The most recent post involved a woman who feels she has "fallen out of love" with her husband and maybe was never really "in love" with him in the way you should love a spouse. The bulk of her post/problem was about her lack of strong feelings for her husband. She admitted to cheating on him, but he seems willing to try to work through it with her. She was trying to decide if it was possible to "reignite" the marriage, or she might just never feel the love she "should" for her husband. I think many replies felt like she needed to at least try. It was not as if her husband was abusive, mean or neglectful.
My general feelings about cheaters are the same regardless of gender. But my advice for ending a marriage over it will be different depending on the circumstances.
My feelings about cheaters are the same no matter the gender.
I think sometimes the other circumstances change the advice given.
I think it's just people trying to be sensitive to someone else's situation.
Maybe it's easier to do the cheating than to be cheated on and responders are putting themselves in the shoes of the other women.
If I cheated, and my husband didn't kick me out- I would imagine other women would tell me to stay and fight. Relationships aren't easy.
but, if my husband stepped out on me, I would imagine they'd tell me to leave because you never want another woman to feel like a doormat.
I don't think everyone is 100% solid on their feelings about things like cheating. Hard to say.
I agreee with MzKitty, but I do know a couple that did work through this and they have one of the strongest relationships now. He stepped out of the marriage, but he told his wife and she chose to forgive him. I know it was hard at the time and it took a long time, but it worked out for them.
HA !!! I noticed that as well. I think that woman should Get out of her relationship NOW before she hurts him, her children or Herself any more. I didnt respond to her tho :-( She's not "in love" with him - its hurting the Whole family. I wouldn't want my children to see that kind of relationship and think that's the Way a relationship should be !! I left my 1st marriage EARLY on, before kids - I just KNEW he was my Best Friend, that was IT! No kids involved but I hurt him very badly, better off then than after 15 years and kids.........
sorry I'm rambling........
Interesting that you'd notice that. Yes that is kind of strange. I don't think I've ever told anyone to leave their husband. But now you have me looking at these posts thru a different point of view!
