Five Year Old with Horrible Morning Behavior

My 5 year old cries too... I just have to brush his teeth for him. If he doesn't eat, he misses breakfast and goes hungry. It's horrible, but I can't force him to finish his food. I do his hair while he is brushing his teeth. I have his clothes picked out the night before to make it go smoother in the morning.

I give my son a snack in his bag each day, and will include a cookie or something too. If he is acting up, he knows I will march over to his bag and take the cookie out. It isn't so much a reward for good behavior, but a consequence for poor behavior.

Maybe, try spending as much one on one time with her in the evenings as possible. It may have an improvement in her behavior.

Dr. Sears has some excellent discipline advice, including disciplining after divorce and using humor to discipline.

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

he talks about the 'dressing hassles" here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/both...

I know it's tough b/c you want to see your daughter in the evenings, but have you considered pushing her bedtime back? We have had to do that with our daughter and our mornings are much smoother. We didn't push it back much, but we head to bed between 7:15 and 7:30 and read books, pray, etc. Lights are usually out between 7:45 and 8...whereas before it might be closer to 8:30 before all was said and done. Made a big difference. Also, in the mornings I noticed her fits were centered around getting dressed so I try to lay her clothes out at night and put them on her as soon as she wakes up...that way the rest of the morning is a little more leisurely. She can help me pack her lunch, we have more time to talk, etc. Not saying every morning is perfect, but we're soooo much better. Have you figured out her triggers? See if you can pinpoint what's setting her off (for ex you said you know she's tired) and see what you can do to change what's happening around that. Good luck!

Echoing the "How to talk so kids will listen" book...

Everything should be a choice, she needs to have some control over her morning. She's doing already by refusing to do things. Build the morning routine so she can make decisions along the way, and make sure each one is something you can live with. Add in a little fun wherever you can...

Do you want oatmeal or eggs for breakfast? Strawberry oatmeal or blueberry?
Eat your vitamins yourself or shall I toss them into your mouth and see if you can catch them?
Time to go back upstairs to get dressed -- do you want to walk upstairs like a princess or a dinosaur?
Blue jeans or black skirt? Which shoes? Socks on your feet or on your hands?

Give her a chance to feel in control, and give yourselves lots of chances to be light and fun with each other. If you need to, look more closely at your morning routine and see if there are things you can take care of at night to ease the morning. Choose clothes before bed, pack her backpack, leave things by the door, etc. The more prepared you feel in the morning, the easier it may be.

Deep breaths, good luck!

I get myself up an extra half hour early so that I can sit with my daughter for a bit for breakfast. I tell my daughter go get dressed and meet me at the table for breakfast. I wonder though make sure something is not going on behind the scenes you do not know about. Anyway I will talk to her while she eats. I drink my coffee and pack her lunch. Its a calming time. Make it a game, a challenge. Do you think you can get ready in 10 minutes only took mommy so long.

My daughter went through this last year also. What worked for us was spending a little time snuggling in bed and talking before we started the morning routine. I woke her up 10 to 15 minutes earlier and spent time rubbing her back, talking about any dreams or special plans for the day, deciding what she wanted for breakfast, etc. It gave her time to get her brain in gear for the start of the day. I would even reminder of the routine sometimes..."Don't forget after breakfast, you need to brush your teeth, then get dressed so you can have a fun day at school." Maybe this suggestion will help? (PS - we were doing this with a little sister too - 18 months old- who would sometimes join us in her sister's room and snuggle under the covers with her) Hoping this suggestion helps! Let us know how it goes!

The book "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk."
Great book, even for adults.

The book "The Kissing Hand" is also great. About going to school.

It takes TIME to get used to school and the routine. At least 1-2 months.
Even my son's Kindergarten Teacher, says this. My son started Kindergarten last month.

It is growing-pains..... emotionally and cognitively for a child.
There are SO many new and more... "Expectations" on a child now.
It makes it hard for them. Even if they understand things, their emotions are not perfectly aligned with that understanding yet. Mentally. And it is 'stress' for a child. They don't yet know how, to manage their emotions.
Not even some adults know how.
So for a 5 year old, it is doubly hard.

I have 2 kids who are 5 and 8.
What helps them and what THEY like, is to just bond with me. Meaning, they like to just sit on my lap and cuddle and just chat. About anything. Not about me making demands on them, but just chatting. About anything they say. They just like knowing, that I 'understand' them and showing them that I 'get' their ideas. They feel closer to me, that way.

Maybe your daughter is just not a morning person. Thus, 'your' idea about spending time with her in the morning, doesn't jive with her. Because maybe to 'her'... the mornings are just rushed and scheduled and too many things to do, before leaving the door. Not a good time for her.

I am finding that a full day is a long day for a 5 year old and it does start to wear on them. Both my kids like cuddles in the morning. They are up with the birds with their dad while I sleep a little longer. Last year they would come into my bed with me when their dad came up to get ready and stay there cuddling (or fighting with each other) for a long time watching TV and then we didn't leave enough time to get dressed and complete the routine. Now I tell them they can't come in for cuddles until they are dressed first. They will run in and do it quickly. I try to tell them when they have about 30 minutes left and start them on the hair, teeth, shoes and socks. If we have enough time, it seems to make everyone happier. If our time is short like this morning, attitudes are horrible all around. They also have a sticker chart that my 5 yo loves to put his stickers on when he gets the steps completed. My 5 yo is also going through a phase right now where he wants to be attached to mommy constantly, and he is especially upset on days when I do have to go into work. Maybe she is going through this with you as well. Our pediatrician suggested an earlier bedtime if it continued.

Have you talked to the teacher to rule out any anxiety about school? Is a friend picking on her or is she afraid to ask to use the toilet or anything like that? I'd try to get her to verbalize her feelings about all this as much as you can. She's probably picking up on your anxiety and sadness somewhat. Sounds like a very sensitive girl. Plan special things with her for when you get home at night - making dinner together, a bike ride or whatever. Hang in there. Probably won't last too long. I'd be pretty neutral about the hysterics so you don't make it worse.