Filing for Custody of My 14Yo Sister, Could Use Advice Please!!

Updated on March 30, 2007
J.L. asks from Davison, MI
9 answers

A little background.. My Mother died 3 1/2 years ago. My sister was 10 at the time and her Dad(my step-dad), my brother and my sister were living together. Well, my stepdad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. After Mom died, it got much worse and for almost 3 years my sister lived in a house with no supervision, rules or anything. In Dec. 2005 her Dad finally got busted a second time for drunk driving and lost his license, had to go in rehab, etc. My sister came to live with us while he was there. Well, that was almost 16 months ago, she is still living with us, has the whole time. Her Dad has barely sent any money for support, has hardly seen her. He still hasn't gotten his license back and is living an hour away, with his mother. We are filing for guardianship tomorrow, and I know that we have a very good case, except one thing: her grades. But where most of that when she was living with him was from not doing any of the work and for so many unexcused absences, now she does most of the work, I *hope* she's turning it all in, but she has too many absences, even though they are excused. She had a nasty upper-respriratory infection that kept her out for 5 days, and her monthly cramps have been so bad, we've had her in and out of the doctor's, had many tests done, but no answers. I'm very afraid that her Dad will try and use the grades against us, if he does fight us at all. He receives money for my sister's care every month from Social Security, that comes from my Mother's passing, yet we've seen hardly any of that. If anyone could give me some advice I would really appreciate it. If you want more details, let me know, I'll provide them willingly!! I just know this is already too long. Thanks!!

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M.

answers from Saginaw on

J., Get an attorney!! NOW!! I worked for an atty that took payments there are some out there. An atty could work up a defense and maybe have your sister tested for things like post traumatic stress. A lot of times you can get hte state to pay for that. As for social surcurity my brother in law has my nephew 28 days out of thirty and because his mother has full costudy he can not get a dime. You probably need that gaurdianship to get that money. You need to do tons and tons fo research on things like how a child can be affected by the loss of a mother and living with an alcholic father. And bring the research to court. If at all possible get it followed up by a doc or councelor. Make sure you bring up the documented acholism of the father. And document every phone call every visit or non visit. LIKe if he was suppose to see her and did not show. Or maybe he wont fight for her till he finds out the social surcurity will go too. Write and date everything. also the court can apoint a gaurdian-at-litem which would be her atty not yours not the fathers. The GAL would repersent the needs of the child you can get that court appointed too. Good luck! What a big thing taking her on. Hang in there. M.

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C.S.

answers from Detroit on

I agree with the other ladies. Make sure you get everything you can from the school. Also, get doctor records if you feel he'll use missed school days against you.
Why are you choosing to go for guardianship rather then custody? They are two different things and your rights are going to be different. I'm concerned about the social security going to him, have you looked into getting that sent to you once you have guardianship? The social security office is right downtown Flint and I'm sure once you have your paper work it will be very easy to get that money going to you. You should call them and get it going. It might be a week or two before you can get in for an appointment.
As far as her grades, I have a son whose grades have been really bad. He was doing a lot of the work and just not turning it in. I came up with a chart that he takes to each teacher daily and they sign it if his behavior is good and all work was turned in. They make notes on it if needed. That way he's accountable daily for his work. Maybe you should try this with your sister. I can e-mail you the one I made if you're interested.
I'm sure she's had a really hard time since your mom passed, is she seeing someone? That also might help with the grades too.
Good Luck!

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C.K.

answers from Detroit on

Hi Jen,

In the state of Michigan it is the 14 year old choice of who they want as guardian. Just make sure that you get full guardianship. The court may feel that limited guardianship will be fine. They may think that the father will be able to care for his daughter in a year or two. As for the Social Security checks, you have to contact the SS office. They will tell you that you will have to have guardianship or custody of the minor first, before they will process a check for you. You will also have to have a checking account in your sisters' name and your's for the check to be deposited in.

Good Luck and God speed!!

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B.N.

answers from Saginaw on

there are only a few statues that you have to have non of the rest matters if he is an alcoholice or not. if one she has lived with you over a certin period of time you have to check your state for that on the time limit, two he does not pay support nor send money, cards, gifts. you have that one already. three, you been married for at least a year. you should go for it. i am adopting my step son i have raised for 7 years and he is going to be 8 in may. his mother has not paid nor been consistant with visits. going though it right now at this point it is very stressfull. but worth the childs well being. i was reading more and i live in michigan if you would like to email me or anything we can talk about all this together. and its called termination of parental rights and adoption.

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W.M.

answers from Detroit on

My husband and I went through a custody dispute with his ex girlfriend re: their daughter. I would be willing to talk to you if you wanted about the process although things may be a little different in each county and your case is a little different with it being your sister rather than your own child. Call me anytime, W. ###-###-####. Also I am offering a link that explains the factors the court has to consider in deciding a child custody case. Please see http://washtenawtrialcourt.org/family/family_bench_book/b... I wish you the best of luck with your case and especially the strength in helping your sister become the best she can be despite the circumstances. Take Care, W.

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J.G.

answers from Detroit on

just make sure you have prove of school progres, teachers that know the situation and know there has been major improvement, Dr. records, and most importan! what do your lil sister has to say she is old enough to make that choice.

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R.H.

answers from Lansing on

I had a sister who had three children and was a drug user. My family and I split up the kids according to where they wanted to live, I took one son, and raise him from 10 to adulthood. I had to go to court to get guardianship so his dad who was not supportive at all could not come in and take him from me. Grades included your situation is very very similar to mines and the judge awarded guardianship to my then fiance' and myself. He turned out to be a very successful young man who now serves his country in the military. I say go for it, you have a stronger case than you think with her dads track record.

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Y.M.

answers from Lansing on

J.,
If I could hug you I would. U are such a wonderful sister. I don't think her grades can hold u back at all with this petition your about to do. When you go through this process it will get hard and it will seem that it will never be over. But just remember You and your husband are doing the BEST thing for her. I wish i could tell u more but I don't know Michigan Laws very well. But I do know Texas Laws because I had to do some similar fighting as well for my babies and my niece. So lots and lots of luck to you and your husband and i hope you guys Win.

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S.N.

answers from Saginaw on

I would consider taking in some letters from her school. I'm sure they could give some insight into improvements that have been made in the past 16 months. Also, because of her age, she may be able to let the judge know her own feelings about the situation. You might also consider looking into tutoring for her. This will not only help her get her grades up, but will show that you are making an effort to help her thrive academically. You might also consider getting copies of her medical records together to show the reasons for her absences.

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