Fighting - Bowling Green,KY

mine are 5 and 7 and they have been fighting a lot lately. I think it's because summer is too long and they are just tired of each other. First, once I can calm them down, I have each of them tell me their side of the story. Who ever is telling their side, the other is not allowed to interupt. Then we switch, and the other can tell their side. It's usually a misunderstanding between them and it just escalates into something bigger. Also one other thing I have them do is for every mean/not nice thing they say to each other, they have to say 1 nice thing to each other.

My mom used to make me and my brother sit on the couch and hold hands.

Doesn't matter who's at fault. Separate 'em!! You go in your room and you go in yours. No one gets to play with anybody! (No electronics of any kind in the rooms, btw.) Let 'em be bored without each other.

Eventually, if you do this every single time they start stuff up, they will police each other. "Stop doing that! Mom's going to separate us!" Like the Army, if one of them breaks the rules, they all pay the price.

They might actually like being separated for a while, especially the 9 year old. But it will get old, and they won't want to be, specifically because it's your go-to punishment and it lasts a long time.

Good luck, and be tough!
Dawn

In my house both kids get in trouble for fighting/bickering. I never takes sides. Since I don't want to hear them fighting they can either stop right then or both can go to their rooms until they can act nicely. I don't think either of them have ever chosen to go to their room.

This is NOT an everyday thing... But it's a way to throw a wrench in the works when the behavior isn't standard;

I tied my son and his cousin together at one point.

Just used a sweatshirt at their waists and a on their wrists. They had to work together all durn day.

They thought it was hilarious (especially tandem peeing)

Their choice. Work together, or each grounded to their rooms for the entire day. (hence this wasn't duct tape or handcuffs or anything / wasn't forced.) if they untied themselves or started fighting, then grounded.

Fighting is a two way street. Or sometimes, with three children, a three way street. I don't care who started it... it takes each of them to continue it. It would only take one of them to walk away.

Therefore, whoever is caught fighting is the one disciplined. That keeps it fair.

Perhaps focus on teaching them negotiating skills, rather than punishing them or solving the problem for them. If you haven't done this in the past, they will likely need coaching so they can each express what they want, listen actively to the other person and then arrive at a solution that works for them. It also doesn't matter whether the solution seems 'right' to you - it matter if it works for them. If you just punish them for bickering - they never learn to cooperate or negotiate - both important life skills.

Do you and your husband ever fight? Should you be punished for it? Or rather, should you try to negotiate, listen to the other's point of view and fight 'fair'? Yup - the kids also.

Like Riley J., my daughter tied her two boys together. They HAD to learn to work together.

Seems silly, but it works!

if im unsure i just seperate them and let them cool off