One of my fiances best friends wife (got that?) is pregnant with their first child. They tried for a very long time before getting pregnant; we're so excited for them!! HOWEVER, I just got the invite for her baby shower, and it's on my fiance's birthday :( This has been a pretty tough year for us, so I was planning this huge surprise party for him. The baby shower is mid day, on his birthday, over an hour away! If it was local I wouldn't give it a second thought and make an appearance... but now I'm kind of stuck. I want to show my support for this woman (which is important to my fiance, since it's the wife of one of his best friends), but I can't make this shower.
What to do?? I know I'm going to end up spoiling this baby rotten, do I really have to feel THAT BAD not going to the shower? Also, since we have the same group of friends, I know all the other wives are probably invited, and that messes up my surprise party plans.
Bummer.
I can't move the date of his party, just FYI.
Buy a really nice card, and send them a nice note, tell them how excited you are for them about their new family member. Then tell them you're really sorry you can't make the shower, but it is falling on the date you'd already made plans to celebrate X's b-day. Include a gift card to their registry, or whatever you feel appropriate.
Hey! You said in one of your posts that he is almost 39... Why not with your wedding, and everything else going on, wait until his 40th for a surprise party? than you can still make your friends shower! Be there for your friends they have waited a long time for this, and they want to celebrate with all of their close friends! I hope you don't think this is harsh, but 39 isn't a huge bday... and you guys are gonna have a lot of celebrating with all your wedding activities!! Hope everything works out for you!
Tell her now what the situation is-she'll understand.
everyone here is an adult. there's a scheduling conflict. no one mature and rational is going to get in a tizzy over this. call her, tell her you're terribly sorry but you won't be able to make it and will be over soon to squee with her. take a really nice gift when you do. no biggie.
not much that can be done about the mutual friend situation, except to know that some will be at the baby shower and be okay with it.
don't sweat it! enjoy your surprise party!
:) khairete
S.
You have to let your fiance's friend and eventually his wife know that you can't make it and why and you should send them a gift. Everyone will understand.
Why not move his party closer to the shower? When we do baby shower's all the guys come and then go do their own thing until the shower is over. Since most of the females will already be at the shower try to mesh the shower and b-day surprise together.
Will the shower interfer with them being able to attend your surprise party?
Since you can't mention it to the fiance.... call the wife and explain. If they end up coming to your party that evening, give her your gift then. If not, get together with them within a week and have a shower luncheon for the four of you. If you are upfront with the wife, she won't be mad.
M.
Edit: Maybe the hubby's could attend your party and the wives come fashionably late?
If you can't move the date and all the wives are going to be at the shower anyway, could you have the b-day party right afterward, maybe at a restaurant close to where the shower is? Somehow just get the guests from one party to the next? It seems like that might be the only way you can do both the same day. Otherwise, it seems like it would make sense to just put off the surprise party until next year. Just make sure in advance that you don't conflict with the baby's first birthday party! :)
Since the party for your hubby is a surprise to him, he won't miss what he doesn't know about, right? Just downsize his birthday to a smaller more personal celebration and wait until the 40th, as was suggested below. I'm just curious though, why everyone else that is invited to the surprise party doesn't already know about it, including the baby shower couple? Why would they deliberately conflict with your party? Or doesn't anyone know about your party yet?
R.:
If you haven't sent out the invites for Rob's party - yep - you can reschedule - you've got a LOT on your plate right now - your family, your wedding and all the other stuff....
I would go to the baby shower and plan Rob's party another day - THAT will be the surprise for him (we did my husband's 40th as a surprise party one month early - planned my son's baptism around it too so we had an excuse for family to be in town!!)
I realize you guys have had a tough year so far - he's still recovering from his hospital scare (that's a poor word to use but I can't think of anything else right now)...since it's not a "big" year - wait and do his surprise party for a BIG year - 40....or do something like a 49 and a half...something like that....but really - with all the financial stress you guys have been under - don't put more financial stress on you to plan a surprise birthday party and a wedding in a 45 day time frame......
GOOD LUCK!!!!
