Fgggggggtt Bb Hh

if your 'nice guy' is ticked off at you (and the fact that you term it 'i screwed up AGAIN' indicates to me that you're being hammered on) maybe he needs to step up to the friggin' plate and make himself the Homework Guy.
i WAS an incompetent idiot and utterly screwed up our finances when we were young and just starting out. instead of shaming me, my husband said 'this is complicated. let's work on it together instead of you being stuck with it all.'
i'll always love him for that.
khairete
S.

I'm not sure what the issue is or how or why you would think it's your fault. Is the issue that your son isn't handing in his homework? It sounds like the teacher is confirming that he's written everything down, you are checking to make sure he does the assignments, and yet he's not handing them in? That's on your child and the teacher (and is a very common problem, two of my three boys routinely don't hand in homework).

It really bothers me that you think not being perfect at everything makes you an incompetent idiot, and that your husband is ticked off at you. Your son has two parents. How much does your husband do? Why isn't HE in charge of homework if he thinks you can't do a good job of monitoring it? Is this a common pattern? If so, I'd seek out some counseling so that you can build up your self-esteem. Your worth doesn't hinge on your child's ability to hand in homework.

I'm ticked off at your husband that he's ticked off at you. Seriously. He could be solution-oriented and come up with something helpful to say.... like Thank You. We are all human. At some point your sons are going to need you to step back so they can learn to manage or fall on their faces. My boy is 8, has ADHD and he knows that if his homework isn't handed in at the end of the week, he hasn't earned his video game privileges for the week. We work on this at a family level, not a 'mom only' level.

Your husband can go take a flying leap.
If you are confused about what to do homework wise - have some regular parent teacher conferences and communicate with the teacher.
Nobody knows how to do everything - but we all have to figure things out and it should never be a problem to ask for help.
To answer your question - sure.
But that doesn't stop me from moving forward.

If your son isn't handing in his homework, that's on him, not you. My son's teacher this year (4th grade) keeps telling the parents that one of the most important things a child learns in elementary school is how to be an independent responsible student, and that only happens if parents back off. It's hard sometimes, but I'm trying, and you should too.

As for do I have feel like an incompetent idiot? Sure, at some point pretty much every day. Being imperfect is part of being human.

So you are helping your son, checking his assignments, and he is not handing his assignments in. And you missed that part.

Let's for a minute ignore all the rest of your post.

You don't accompany your son to school nor homeschool him. I'm assuming your son is not 3 or 4. He attends school, after having received help and support from his family, and doesn't turn in his completed work. This is something your son needs help with, not something that makes you an incompetent idiot. Your son needs a plan that works for him.

I suggested recently in another post that a mom help her child devise a system so that completed work gets turned in without being forgotten or overlooked. Post-It flags (those little sticky things that stick out past the edge of the page) in a bright color, applied the night before to completed homework, helps a kid remember to turn work in. If he sees the flag sticking out, it reminds him that there's something that's not turned in. If all the flagged pages are gone at the end of the day, everything is turned in. That night, put new flags on completed homework. Something like that might help your son. It might be a different system that you work out, whatever makes sense to him: a checklist, etc.

If one forgetful child, who receives help in a safe and loving home, who is independent at school but neglectful of homework, makes you an incompetent idiot in your eyes and in the eyes of your husband, well, then I need a thesaurus to come up with new words to describe the depths of my idiot-ness.

I missed what exactly you screwed up on. But to answer your question - YES! ALL THE TIME!!! And I guarantee you most parents do. So cut yourself some slack.

Your husband isn't being a "nice guy" right now, I don't think. We do a lot as moms. Some things are bound to fall between the cracks. Did HE jump in and pick up the slack when you faltered? Then he has no room to be fussing at you. Both of you need to stop being angry at you immediately.

It's called life :) Welcome to it!

You're doing better than me!!! I am great about lots and lots of things...but my house is always a wreck and the school stuff is nearly impossible for me to keep on top of. Thanks goodness I'm divorced and don't have to be insulted on top of frustrated!!! My ex for DAMN sure could not do a fraction of what I do INCLUDING keep homework stuff straight if he had to. Does your husband come home at night? If so, he needs to be the homework checker. Let him do it. And if he can't, let him know you will take none of his hufflepuff because it's outrageous behavior with all that you do. Good luck. Sorry husbands can be so lame.

I used to feel like this many times in life. But I had to back off and let the chips fall where they may as it is not my life. Your child has to learn how to navigate in the world and you have to be there to guide but let them do the work.

Keeping home as House Beautiful is nice but it does not work when there are more than one kid in the house. Do what you need to do to keep a tidy home and let the rest go into seasonal cleaning. Find something for you to do for yourself (hobby, class, craft) without involving your children and make it a priority. This will help you find yourself and be a better mom and interesting wife.

Above all else, stop beating up yourself for things that come up that you have no control over. Stop sweating the small stuff. Life is too short. Smell the roses along the way and enjoy the day for that day only not tomorrow or next week.

the other S.

Your husband isn't such a nice guy... he's borderline emotionally abusive. Why is this all your fault? He is the father, this is responsibility too. Tell him if he can do a better job THEN DO IT.

I missed the question but with my own son who would do homework and forget to turn it in.

I wrote on his hand with a sharpie marker "Homework" to remind him to turn it in. He was 7 or 8...only had to write it once...from then on I would ask if he wanted me to write on his hand...he would say no and do pretty good remembering on his own.

Now he is 11 and has homework every night...he does it, checks it and turns it in on his own or faces the consequences.

Good luck...if my husband had to handle half the stuff I do with the kids they would go hungry, unclothed, ungroomed and unhomeworked.