DS is 3.5. Yesterday, we were playing trucks, and he faked crying and shaking and said he was scared and needed a hug and strokes. Apparently fire truck was scared too and needed hugs and strokes, as did another car. He accepted the strokes, and moved on with his game. I said if you are frightened I will give you a hug until you are ready to move on with playing.
He's our only child. Any thoughts on how to handle this if it happens again?
Best,
F. B.
Sounds like you did just fine. This too shall pass...it's totally normal, all of my kids experimented with emotions this way, and he's learning empathy by pretending his truck is scared, too. That shows he can recognize and understand the feelings of others. Good job, Mom!
If it happens again, as it certainly may, play along, but don't make a big deal out of it. "Oh, is the fire truck afraid again? Let's hug it. Tell your truck that it doesn't need to be afraid, because you're watching out for it."
Your boy is doing something very common: he's acting out his anxieties and his curiosity in a pretending game. It's probably not anything he can verbalize - just a feeling. It's amazing what goes on in those little three-year-old minds. By reminding the truck friend that he's watching out for it, he's also remembering that Mama is watching out for him.
Are you old enough to remember "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood"? Fred Rogers had a song that went (I think), "I'm taking care of you - taking good care of you - for once I was very little, too - now I take care of you." It's probably online somewhere, if you want to hunt it down.
He did a good job at putting feelings into words and you did a good job by just acknowledging the feeling, providing comfort, and then moving on. Too often we grown ups try to explain things or ask questions for things that really don't need a whole lot of thought process.
What you did sounds perfect to me. Why not just repeat what works? I see no harm in it. He's playing and learning empathy... that's why the trucks were frightened, too. He's imagining how THEY are feeling.
My 3 year old started this recently too. Just do what you did, and hope he doesn't start to use it like mine..."I can't go to bed, there's scary things in my room!" When I ask him to show me, he'll just giggle and tell me he doesn't know. Smart little guys.
It's common - don't worry about it.
He needed a hug, and then the things he cares about needed hugs too.
Granted a teddy bear is easier to hug than a truck but this is how 3 yr olds think.
You're still the Mommy Goddess, awesome fixer of boo boos and you make everything better.
Enjoy it while it lasts!
You'll miss it when it's gone!
Handle it just the way you handled it yesterday! You did well! Acknowledge his feelings just the way you did. And it's fine to play along and acknowledge the feelings of his truck and car, too. Don't overdo it or drag it out on your part, but do acknowledge and offer that hug. He did clearly want you to participate in his play and give those hugs and strokes, and that's great. Don't dismiss him or tell him "Oh, you know the truck can't be sad!" He does know that on some level already, but it's fine to play his game as you describe it.
Kids his age are learning about their own feelings and at the same time learning to imagine things so vividly. It's very normal for a child his age to assign "feelings" to toys or even other objects, and to empathize with those toys or objects. Sometimes a kid is assigning his own real feelings to the things, or he might simply be pretending. The fact that he moved on with his play indicates he's just fine. You may find this happens again, maybe many times, but it's normal.
Not sure why the idea that he's an only child enters into things -- Are you noting that fact just to indicate you don't have previous experience of this, or noting it out of some concern that this behavior is related to his being an only child? If the reason is concern: It's behavior that kids sometimes do (and some kids don't) -- regardless of only child status, or being one of several. I too have an only child (13 now) and have seen this kind of play-acting in kids who had siblings too. So if the reason for mentioning his only-child status is concern that it's somehow negatively "causing" him to do this, don't worry about that.
Unless he gets i the habit of doing this all the time, I wouldn't worry about it.
